Malhek

Wolfenstein: The New Order

Bioshock Infinite. I really didn't enjoy this game as much i though i would, even though people describe it like its a gaming masterpiece. Almost everything about this game i found subpar at best. I cannot recall one song from the entire game. The story feels like its constantly trying to disorient me. The plasmids in this game (now called Vigors) dont even get an explanation as to why they are there in the first place! The gameplay is the worst of all, being some regurgitation from the original bioshock's combat (which isnt that good to begin with). During combat it feels like you're fighting ants theres so much distance between the enemies, it doesnt feel satisfying at all. The decision to just give you a melee button instead of a popup weapon, restricting the amount of weapons you can carry and giving every weapon iron sights feels like some streamlined Call Of Duty bullshit made to attract that kind of audience. The worst of all that was replacing the gene tonics with "Gears", which are random so you cant rely on them. Lastly theres the name, Bioshock. The only thing tying this games story to the one from Bioshock Is the ending, barely, and even that feels like an afterthought. So it shouldnt even be called Bioshock, it should be Skyshock or something. The steampunky setting i liked though.

The Pastures: The first and only band made completely out of various weeds and grass, The Pastures has gained massive fame among the youth for their peculiarity. Not having any actual band members, the group instead produces their albums using a device that monitors the growth of plants, and then makes music with the collected data. While completely nonsensical and dissonant, The Pastures nevertheless has surpassed the record sales of even the most well known albums of history. Next up: The Winery Dogs

Bring a generator and some fuel. I keep getting my ass handed to me by these stoopid Kleer Skeletons on Serious Sam. Am i not serious enough?

Dungeon of the Endless Its like a trail mix of pure undigested goodness.

Granted, now all foodstuffs are flavorless. I wish i could travel to a dimension similar to our own where people havent charted all of the known world.

No way, Selfsurprise's avatar is a 10/10. How can you even compete with a skeleton lobster? Also 7/10 for Blinky

FTL: Captains Edition

Try inventing new and funny words and add them to the translation! the wackier the words, the more points you get! I just lost the bank savings of my entire family!

Granted, it is now so powerful that the screen produces a light that vaporizes anything in front of it. Its also completely sentient and can redirect its screen towards people. I wish i was a wizard.

8/10 Nice color combo, but makes me want to punch a wall for some reason.

You mean XCOM the game? now thats evil.

A Treasure Island book.

Hell is being stuck half-awake on a fever dream forever.

Heres the first nightmare i remember having, when i was a kid: I was running inside the hallways of a circular gallery, while being chased by a monster with a Picasso looking face. The monster looked like a naked, genderless human, but was really tall and slim and crimson all over. The face looked like a cutout of eyes, a mouth, and a nose, all cut from different pictures, and then nailed to a featureless face with some of those nails used in bug collections. It eventually gets a hold of me and carries me to an elevator with a sickly green light. The elevator goes down and the monster disappears. Through the elevator grid i cannot see anything, but i can hear some faint voices, like someone is arguing. The voices start getting louder and more inteligible as the elevator goes down, until it becomes unbearable to hear. the elevator lands in the middle of an empty city street, with the same green light as the elevator. After that i cannot remember anything so i must have waken up.

Sven-Coop I love how people communicate with others by screaming "Medic!" and "Take cover!" repeatedly.

I love pirates. I love pirate stories. And most of all, i love the idea of going on adventures discovering new lands, fighting other ships and getting their treasure. I sort of hope that if humans ever colonize other star systems, life will be like a modern version of the Age of Sail. And when i was a wee sprout, this game was the most inmersive pirate experience ever (even though you play as a Corsair, not a pirate). Now the nostalgia googles might be blinding me a little, but for me this game was everything a game could hope to achieve. At the start of the game you swore allegiance to a nation, and then embarked on some missions. The game had you controlling a single ship which grew into a fleet as time went on. Besides the mission your nation gave you, you could explore new towns and trade things like sugar with them, and in return you would get gold, which you could use to upgrade your nation's ports and to buy ships. You had various different types of ships, some were really fast but weak, so you would use them for scouting, others where better for trading, and others were titans with dozens of cannons that were manned by hundreds of crewmen. As you explored you'd find enemy ships and ports that you could attack with your cannons to sink and incapacitate them, respectively, or you could try to board them. When you boarded someone, you entered a top down perspective in which you commanded your crew to try and either kill the entire enemy force, or attempt to take the enemy captain's life, at which point the enemy would try to surrender, but you could kill them anyway if you wanted. After you won the enemy ship became yours to use in any way you wanted. This game was a blast. I wish i still had it. If something like this was made nowadays i would definitely play it. But enough talk, have a video of the game itself: arrrggh

Happy Birthday Ross! Aaaaannnddd someone beat me to the Einhander Soundtrack, shucks. Oh well. I recently played Dungeon of the Endless during a free weekend, and was pleasantly surprised by both the gameplay and the music, though most of the soundtrack is probably shared by the other Endless games. Here, have a look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZmOCxgFEzk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAEK68BI3Us Also, the menu screen for the multiplayer part of Bioshock 2 contains a really cool song, but since the multiplayer in that game is dead almost no one listens to it anymore:

Congrats to everyone who made it! Ross, if you really wanted a fair, balls-to-the-wall objective screenshot competition, you should have invited everyone who participated into a Smash TV-like game show, last one standing wins it all (that is, if anyone actually survives). I'd play it, but i reckon that might be a little too farfetched, that with all the plane tickets to the studio and all. Maybe next time.

ho boy look at all those games, here are my screens: From Fallout: New Vegas From Team Fortress 2 From The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim