Professor Vex

Attempt to overthrow it, and if that fails (assuming I'm alive) ally with it. Your computer gets stolen by a time traveler from the future as an antique?

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Curses, Vex No Spamming Farms! POIUY

What if he likes having fast internet while he's taking a dump?

Begin new mission: Acquire bladder control Found a NASA rover in the desert filled with unconscious hookers

Children Holding Infected Lizard Dicks ZXCVB

Hope it's not my book about the history of the universe, because I added a shit ton too many bears to that book. Were across the table from George Lucas

Names, pfft. Who needs 'em? not me... *Proceeds to google for an hour in a half trying to find something he doesn't know the name of*

Quitting While Eating Rented Tapes (a group for those who need to stop smoking, but need to consume more analog media) ASDFG

Yeah lurking was fun, but posting is like HEROIN! On SPEED, but also drunk, with a side of stoned. so dead. But alive. Mostly by technicality. Did you know that the definition of "Dead" is wildly different depending on where you are?

Formidable

Honey is really good... When I was little, I thought that energy drinks were in the same class as narcotics. My mom wasn't a fan of them...

Freeboy (Get it? Pip-boy + Freeman)

When I was just a wee boy, I thought that pickle brine bestowed immortality. because my mom told me that pickles never go bad.

When I was a little kid, I thought that

When I was a little kid, I thought that the bible wasn't that old, and God might kill everyone if I didn't do everything the priest told me. (No not THOSE things)

When I was a little kid, I thought that the car moved the city around us.

I'm just an average joe. I wake up every morning, eat a bowl of cereal and go to work. I usually get in around 10 o'clock, check my e-mails and have a bowl of cereal. At 12 o'clock I go to lunch and eat another bowl of cereal. My afternoons are usually filled with meetings, but I always find time to eat a bowl of cereal after each one. I fit in one more bowl of cereal before the end of the day, then go home and celebrate with a bowl of cereal. My favorite way to spend the evening is to relax on the couch with a nice bowl of cereal. By midnight I'm tired, and I have a bowl of cereal before bed, then I go to sleep, have another bowl of cereal, throw up and go to the emergency room.

Engaging

Crazy Unified Technocracy Invading England IMNEW

Butt Hurt Sadistic Dancing Bears EDCRF

Observant

Kill myself to avoid being involved in such a thing if your phone started getting texts that foretold the future?

When I was a little kid I thought that the shadows wanted to kill me, but couldn't find anything sharp to get me with.