Doublenature

Am I allowed to rejoin the AF community? Discord name is Cipher#9778

Im confused Im angry I feel great anxiety, even though I dont really care, except I do Im in love but Im not People just seem to laugh at my problems I feel like I have nowhere to turn, but at the same time, I kinda do I procrastinate even though I know that it will cost me my apartment I see no reason in anything even though I still do I get pissed at people when they cant leave me the fuck alone when I tell them that I want to be alone Everyone just wants sex, nobody wants love People try to manipulate me for sex I cant find myself in this mess The person I love, I always let go because I figure he isnt interested but then, always, never an exception, he gets in touch the next day. Meanwhile all these fucking people just want to get high, get drunk and have sex I hate them so fucking much, I just want to punch someone in the face. A family member of mine laughed at me when I said that I might have Borderline disorder Friends use me, makes me apply myself just for them to go: "Eh, fuck it. You stayed up all night, spent your money on coffee and energy drinks and gasoline so that you could pick me up at 10am, so that I would be in time for a job interview? Well guess what, Im not fucking going." Again, all I have are my family, a few friends and my music. I help everyone but nobody seems to help me or even understand, except family one friend and music as usual. I dont want to keep playing this stupid game. I dont want to kill myself, I just dont want to keep going. I dont know what the fuck to do, Im slowly getting pulled back to my roots of hating everything. I dont know why I tried to fool myself that it was any different. I tried to be a happy and helpful person but Im so fucking done with that shit, since life likes to remind me that its all a big pile of shit.

I love the second one. You just gave me a new phone wallpaper, thank you!

Thank you! Ive basically quit now, Im just gonna wait for my contract to expire, so that it doesnt hurt my job searching in the future. Oh god, parents and smelly foods... I know this all too well.

Im done. Im quitting tomorrow. This one actually has some humour in it.

Great game, though. The final boss was a bit... meh. Other than that, a solid game. Did you like it? Im watching the VICE documentary about the KKK and the Crips. I was interested in hearing what both sides had to say, the KKK is a group that Ive never had any knowledge about other than movies, and I was wondering if they have been misrepresented. It turns out, they were not misrepresented. Holy crap these people are fucking stupid. I am in no way a white supremacist, my views are very anarchic (punk is probably a better word), but Im always interested in different groups, religions etc. Its always interesting to see if the stereotype is accurate. Stereotypes always come from somwhere, but this is just ridiculous.

Finally gave up on Fallout 2. Atleast I gave it a good 20 hours before I finally made up my mind. I went in with a very open mind, I learned all the mechanics from scratch, but the game just wont let me like it. Im gonna see if Fallout 1 (which I couldnt get into before) is better.

Oh wow, starting school back up? I think that'd be very nice for you, be doing something else for a change, feel a bit more productive and given more opportunities in many different ways. I'm glad you're staying away from the weed though lol I don't have anything against people who do smoke weed, but at the end of the day, it costs so much and gives so little. IMO it's really not worth it. So I hope you keep up your stubbornness there to refuse it. XD With your friends though, yes, I totally agree. If a friend gets angry at you for something as little as that, if they cannot give you your own freedom and space, they are no friend. I've had plenty of experience with those types... :S Just try to not let their annoyances get to you. If they're mad over something so silly, it's their fault, not yours. Keep up the good work though! Working and what not... I can't really imagine how much of a relief that sum of money is. The only thing I can compare it to for myself is the stress of not being able to pay for my phone credit. XD So mild. So I applaud you, sir. And I appreciate the thanks. <3 Yeah school is probably gonna let my brain wind down and I can "land" again. Hopefully Ill make some new friends. Yeah Im not one for anything harder than alcohol and Ive learned to handle alcohol, I know my limit and at what point of intoxication Ill have the most fun and be able to control myself. Friends need to understand that it works both ways. I have one friend who understands this, and Im grateful for him, but he is having a much too rough time to be listening to my problems and I respect that. I know that he will be there for me once all of this blows over for him. Im glad that I can usually read people really well and also take a step back and read a situation. Why is this person mad? Is it his/hers wrongdoing or is it mine? Etc. That sum of money is a great relief. I still have to work 5 shifts a month to keep my current job, but 5 shifts is not alot in a month and the extra cash is always welcome. (Ill be earning about 900 euros after taxes at that rate, which covers more than everything for me. Hey, all bills are a stressfactor, phone bill or rent, its still something that just lays there in your mind and phone bills tend to be WAY to expensive considering what a phone costs. (Bought my new one for about 39 euro, which was cheap, on black friday, was using an old samsung button one up until that point ) Thanks for the applause! <3 back at you!

Sounds like you need a really long break there, mate. :S Unfortunately life is kinda shit... :\ And you kinda have to convince yourself that if you keep pushing on you'll eventually get to a better state. You don't owe us anything though. If you want to come here and do nothing but vent, go ahead. XD I certainly don't mind. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me or anything. There's probably not a whole lot I can do but if you just want to spill out your guts to me, sure thing. XP Anyway, I just recommend you try and find a new job, anywhere else seems to be favorable. Don't force yourself to keep on helping others. You're a human being, not a mindless punching bag. Give yourself a break, just step away from everyone for a while. And if people start complaining; "Why weren't you there for me?", then you can just ask them that right back. Im starting school again. That will give me around 600 euro a month (which is incredibly good for just going to school and getting chances to learn new professions, I gotta hand it to you, Sweden, you did it right this time.) so that will probably be a nice change of pace. I share your mentality about pushing on, however, now alot of people have told me that if I dont pull breaks real soon, I might actually hit the wall, I have no energy to push on. (Im not gonna kill myself, dont worry) I know what you mean with not giving up, but there is barely any energy for that either. My memory feels like its failing, I get like stress spikes, Im always tired and so on. (Told my friend about this and she told me that weed is perfect for this. Stop with the fucking weed, goddamn, it is not the solution to every problem in the world, and if you think that weed will solve all your problems, then you've just created a new problem.) Thanks for being so helpful, I really do appreciate it, its so nice to hear someone say that I can talk to them if I need to. Im gonna study now until September and then Ill hopefuly get into the car mechanic program and finally get to work with something that I really want to. I feel like I cant just bail on people who need help, usually. Ive started telling these people when they start writing on Facebook/steam/text messages, that Ill gladly talk to them, but I cant deal with any of their problems. So far, two have been understanding, one was pissed and one just jokes everything away. If people get pissed at you when you've been there for them for a long time, then they dont deserve to be your friends. Something really nice did happen today, though. Got a call from work asking me if I can take a bunch of shifts, so rent is covered next month. So thats a big load taken off my back. I also finally learned to appreciate ASMR, its been a great crutch these past months, watch ASMR 'til you feel really tired and go to bed, beats alcohol and probably weed every day of the week. Again, thank you, I dont think you know how nice it was to read your reply.

Im sorry guys, here I go again. This is the only place that I can vent. Im just happy that this page exists. Ive missed AF. I wish I could say something more, but I dont want to get preachy and play the victim. Im just gonna try to hang around the forums and actually help you guys, as you've helped me so many times. There is ALOT of anger in this. If you're already feeling down, please dont read this. I dont want to make anyone feel any worse. Short version: Ho1LgF8ys-c

Happy birthday! I hope you have a great day!

Im not the best when it comes to answering in a "smart" way (or in more than 2 sentances), so bear with me. Clearing the air is sort of what I want to do, but at the same time, I dont. For me, this thing should be 100% normal, but I know this is just me wanting to go against the mainstream and not make myself a celebrity. I mean, Ill say "yes" if someone asks me if Im in love with another guy, and Ill answer truthfully if someone asks me if I have a relationship etc. but I cant really sit down and talk about this with family, because for me, it goes against all of my values (atleast when it comes to this). I think my dad is gonna have HUGE problems with me being with another guy, but he's gonna have to deal with it. I think, however, that if I just show up with a guy at home without having said anything, this will take him by suprise and make it less dramatic for everyone. I could be wrong, though. I hope that you are right about everything in this post, that eventually, people will just forget about it and start acting like they used to. I read the last part and its a very good way to summarize the entire situation. I think the best thing people could do, is to start joking about everything, because that is a great way of breaking the ice about these sort of things. Thanks for the support! Im sorry my reply was late.

I would suggest not mentioning it and lay low in general if you want peace and quiet. Right now being any sort of sexuality other than straight is considered an amazing accomplishment that should be praised and celebrated. While I'm all for acceptance people should respect other's privacy. The problem is that I live in a very small town, so if one person hears it, then in just a few days, the rest of the town knows it, too. Come to think of it, that is not really a problem. The problem is that people (like you say) see this as some sort of accomplishment. Im in love, gee, that sure is something that Ive worked hard for all my life and should be praised for. Edit: I cant just not mention it, because if someone asks me if Im in love, or have someone special, I just cant lie. This is me not thinking that its such a big deal, not understanding that other people might see it like one.

Vent: I have another vent aswell:

I listen to almost every type of music (though mainly metal) but sometimes I like to listen to emo rock/metal... I did it when I was young and I still enjoy it, but I never share it with anyone Wr9C96V70Tk

Mad Max 6/10 I liked it Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior 7/10 I liked it even more Mad Max 3: Beyond thunderdome As a Mad Max movie, it gets 3/10 As an Indiana Jones movie, it gets 7/10 Mad Max: Fury Road 7/10 I rewatched this, and its still great. Star Trek: Beyond 2/10 This wasnt even a train wreck that I wanted to look at (and it never ended either). It felt like a really badly written fan fiction by a child, seriously. I will say, though, that the scenes between Bones and Spock were GREAT. Trainspotting 7/10 Fight Club and Requiem for a dream mixed into one movie, with a little bit of Snatch.

I want to thank everyone for this thread existing in these times. Thanks for letting me vent.

Well Ive gotten 2 opinions over the years. The first one I got when I was 12 and they told me that I "might" have ADHD. However, I hated going there so much, so I stopped. I got diagnosed with PTSD last year actually, I finally went to a "real" shrink (terapeut or whatever its called in english) and she told me that ADHD is certainly a thing for me aswell. I honestly dont have the money for a second (third) opinion, though it would be nice to be sure. Ive never worried over my retirement (mostly because I never planned to live for long), so I usually take everything as it comes, but I can certainly understand why this would get you worried. I think you should probably just take every day as it comes and be sure to save a little each month (thats my plan atleast, but Im no expert) Also, I got fired for busting my knee a while back, so we're in the same boat, my fellow knee-breaker (and it gets better, but its never as good, mine still hurts, make sure you put weight onto your bad knee even if it hurts a little at first). I also wanted to be a pilot when I was younger! Poor eye-sight and being tall put a stop to that dream, though. You know, I actually do have another thing I want to do, and that is to learn how to fix cars and such. My friend's dad said that he'd be happy to teach me as soon as he's on vacation. Thank you both for the answers! Sorry if I always answer a bit short, its just how I am.

Ive always wanted to join the Swedish military, its been my "dream" since like age 14 or so. Now I went to a shrink and I regret every second of it. I got diagnosed with some stuff: PTSD ADHD Anxiety attacks Im not getting into any military, am I? I feel empty and slightly depressed, Ive lost most of my motivation to go outside running and people keep telling me that Im quiet and distant. On the plus side, I finally moved away from home and got myself a job at a retirement home, so Im also slightly relieved and happy. Im in the weird middle of feelings.

Terminator Genisys. I think thats all.

Got fired from my 2 jobs because I more or less broke my knee and couldnt walk for 3 days, plus a boss yelling at me over the phone telling me I was fucking this up for everybody since he has no other employes that can take over at the restaurant. Wonder whose fault that was you fucking retard... Also got kicked out of the house for being "Lazy". I just worked for 5 weeks straight, every day for ATLEAST 10 hours per day without any break or lunch, and Im fucking lazy? Fuck that.

It would seem that way, yeah. @Rarity Im really sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine what its like. Hope you're okay.

It feels so fucking nasty to have had girls at home, sleeping in my bed. I dont like girls. I dont like guys. I dont like anything anymore... atleast not sexually. Thats how I feel.

Yeah I know that there are swedish rapists and murderers. If you look at recent events however, such crimes have increased drastically with the huge flow of immigrants to this country (like you say). It seems that the same is true for Germany. How do I want it to be handled? If a person who has fled to this country, commits such an act, they should be sent back. I know, I know: "But they might get killed in their home country!" Yeah, well you know what? I do not care. You get to stay in this country, with free healthcare, free housing (which alot of swedes have been queing for, for several years now) and free food and yet, you rape or kill someone, you dont deserve to stay. As for swedish rapists and killers, I would like to see the same thing actually, expel (extradite?) these psychos aswell, and such crime would probably decrease ALOT. I would also like the police to stop being such giant pussies, and do their job. Maybe do a Ferguson in the worst neighbourhoods and send in the homeguard, lets see who throws rocks and light cars on fire when people with automatic weapons starts patrolling. That or, you know, imprisonment. If we start putting these people in prison however, they would probably come out angrier than before. So you make it VERY clear to them when they get here, that if you commit such a crime (rape, murder etc.) you get kicked out of here. I would also like the amount of people coming here to be significantly decreased. Other countries have the ability to take these people in, why should we take such a big chunk? With a smaller amount of people coming here, it would also be alot easier to integrate them into our society. Teach them that women here dont dress like the women in their home country. Teach them what is acceptable here in Sweden. If we would do this, this probably wouldnt be such a huge issue. Oh, I forgot to mention! The police have been given very clear instructions regarding crimes with immigrants or people of different ethnic decent. They are to keep it a secret to the public if the perpetrator is of a different ethnicity than swedish. They even have a new code for these kinds of crimes: "291".

Will this madness ever end? There have been several rapes and sexual harrasment cases by people with a non-swedish backround (mostly africans and somalians). Do you think anyone cares about this? Do you think anything is being done to prevent it? NO! It fucking isnt. 2 girls were touched by a group of immigrants (and yeah, they are immigrants, sue me) at the local bathhouse/swimming pool or whatever the fuck its called, where I live. The girls were 11 and 14. ELEVEN AND FOURTEEN. The lifeguard didnt want to do anything because "Its sensitive to point out a group." Oh it is? Its sensitive to STOP A FUCKING CRIME HAPPENING TO 2 CHILDREN BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COMMITING THE CRIME ARE NOT SWEDISH? A person was murdered a few days ago. A swedish politician went out and said that: "My thoughts are with the killer." She also said some fucked up things about him also being a human-being. Why did she do this? Because he is an immigrant, and saying that he is a fucking psycho that should be imprisoned for life would be RACIST. Oh dear, we dont want to be racist, do we? A man from africa raped a girl. He now feels that HE IS MISTREATED for being pointed out. He also said that: "I wasnt raping her, I was only hitting her." Oh well excuse the fuck out of me, then! If you only hit her, thats fine! Please, have some more free health care and money. But the worst part. The WORST FUCKING PART, is that the police are SCARED of being in neighbourhoods with alot of immigrants. They had to flee from a house because they couldnt handle the 10-15 immigrants in there. If the people who have guns are afraid, then the rest of us should be really fucking scared by now, and I mean scared for our lives. But Im not, Im just very worried about our future, about my little sister who might have to grow up in a "multi-cultural" society which has one dominating culture. My mom studies in Stockholm and she takes the subway late at night, and Im worried about her, Im really worried. Should I have to be this worried? No. However, this is the new sweden, the sweden where the women should respect the fact that some people look down on women, they should be wearing fully-covering clothes so that they dont get raped. We should NOT teach people who come here that rape is not OK! ....that would be racist. I cannot take much more of this. I seriously cannot. I understand why people turn to racism and hate towards other ethnicities now, I really do. Im not gonna turn into one of those people because I have friends from Kurdistan and Africa and they have never raped or killed anybody. It is also because its not really the fault of the refugees, its the fault of our braindead, stupid, retarded, spineless politicians. I hope we reinstate capital punishment for some of our current politicians, we need some french revolution shit happening right now.