Blue

Kerbal Space Program, on condition that I have a sufficiently powerful computer to do whatever I wanted in that game. Repeat.

[You take control of the situation. Psychotic Ninja is now the parser.]

[Errrrr yo guys requested contradictory orders. West and "the blast door" (East).] >Sing East You begin to sing about your villainy, now that you have a squad of robots doing your bidding (apparently). Two robots that are pretty on point force the large blast door open. You sway as you take stock of your new region. Before you to the East is a larger cavern space, with a very giant robot, sitting dormant, mounted partially to the side of the mountain. You continue with your song, shimmying up a hot storm as the robot squad picks you up and joins your parade, dancing in accompaniment. Men in white coats and yellow hard hats run in sexy terror before you. As you seemingly hover, held aloft by the two lead robots, other robots smash and punch armored cars that pose a threat to your hypnotically suave hips. You stand at the balcony, overlooking the giant giant robot, and you have a cape now, blowing dramatically in the wind. To the North is a white coat man in a red hard hat, trying to cower under a clipboard. To the South is a stairs down to the floor before the giant giant robot. To the West is your squad of robots. to the East is the cavern where the giant giant robot rests.

You hear the voice in your head again. It's trying to imply that you're a ho. Wow, rude. >East Since you have a crowd of robots that seems to be obeying your every whim, you decide to stroll where you will, and let your hips guide you. The robots filter down the catwalks of the landing pad and form three rows that follow your lead. All together you look like a scene from Bollywood, doing a gyrating dance and the robots mimicking your every move. The blocky buildings are before you. They look like the faculty offices and administration, as well as power generation systems. Large high voltage transformers are situated on the outside, as well as a big radar dish. It crops out of the side of the cliff like an upside down umbrella. Guards are standing out by the faculty doors but they're more bewildered by the parade coming towards them, rather than angry. You really wish there was a beat to this dance. You beep a tune, and the robots begin to harmonize and come up with sick dance music on the fly. One of the guards is tapping his foot to the tune, but the rest aren't really sure if they should shoot you. Like, maybe you're hired entertainment or something, seeing as the robots aren't squishing you. East is a giant blast door. North is the electrical substation. South is a group of guards watching you. West is the landing pad. Characters in area are dancing Robots, bewildered Guards.

This parser will not parse H-games

As you put your shirt back down, it occurs to you that you may need your physically attractive features more in the future. You disconnect your bra strap, remove it and slip it into your inventory. The girls feel quite grateful. Liberty is sweet.

>Seduce more The robot has begun walking towards the door to get some fresh air. You have a sneaking suspicion that the guard could get disarmed by your exceptionally charming good looks, despite how miffed he his. Like Jenny said when you were in college, "there's nothing boobs can't solve." Such wisdom, Jenny. Surely this logic is infallible and not doomed to catastrophic, embarrassing, painful failure. And the quickest way to produce breasts is to produce your breasts, of course. The guard is actually so miffed that before your hands can actually reach to the bottom of your shirt, he gets a shot off. You can hear how close that round zipped past your head. The robot sort of lunges up onto the platform that separates the main level from the deck where the doors are. Since your hands are at the edge of your top instead of holding onto the robot, you tumble backwards. You land sort of prone on your legs on the deck as the robot continues on, punching the guard with both fists and shoving the door out of the way. The guard looks like he's been pretty badly punched. The robot is now into the hallway. You get up, dust yourself off and begin to run after the robot. You're standing in the doorway that the robot just forced open. You can see you're in a large, underground complex. It's well lit and has a big, roundish hole in the ceiling, so it was probably built into a sinkhole or cave. The facility has blocky buildings to the East, domed buildings integrated into the rock face to the West. You're at the South end of the complex, on the wall-side of some large landing pad that has other big robots moving about hoverjets. There are other visor guards on the decks up towards the landing pad. You can't see what's to the north, because the landing pad construction is so big that it occludes your view. The first robot smashing through the door has created quite a noise, so all attention is immediately on that robot and you. >Seduce more emphatically "Hey!" you shout, lifting your top. You neglected to remove your bra, so the gesture was more erotic by implication rather than what they actually could see. In any case, the robots' eyes have all turned a bright shade of pink and are now turning on the guards, dropping their loads and punching or throwing men with red visors and laser guns. It seems you have at least a dozen bulky robots doing your bidding now. Directions are North, West, East Items in area are Bra, lasergun(1), visor(1), lasergun(2), visor(2), lasergun(3), visor(3), lasergun(4), visor(4), lasergun(5), visor(5), lasergun(6), visor(6)... Characters in area are Robot, Robots

>Seduce Good choice, considering this cage is suspended a good 20 ft in the air, and that robot is like 18 ft tall. You sit at the edge and swing your leg tantalizingly. You have confidence since you know you have superior hip allure. "...Beep," you say suggestively. The robot heartily beeps its agreement. It walks over and raises its hand, and you step onto its finger and then wrist. You strut your stuff as you approach down from its arm to near its face, adjusting your shirt to make sure it properly emphasizes your chest. The robot looks like it's enjoying this just as much as it enjoyed the task of just standing there (which is to say its expression hasn't changed really). You're hoping this robot is willing to do your bidding as long as it thinks you're interested, since any actual romantic interlude with this machine probably can't go anywhere healthful for you. "Beep beep?" you beep, angling to get some fresh air. "Beep beep beep beep," beeps the robot, intending to go to the ends of the earth at your whim, for your love. "Hold it right there!" A guard has emerged from one of the doors. He's equipped with a laser gun and a pretty cool red visor. The gun is aimed at you, and the robot freezes in its tracks. It's possible the robot might break out of your suggestion ruse and obey this guy. You are kind of trying to break out of prison. Obvious actions are Jump, Throw, Command, Seduce more.

>Beep Boop Beep You do your best to emulate robot speak. The robot doubts you in fortran[1], so it's hard to tell if you said anything meaningful. You both stare at each other for a minute, trying to pick apart the other. Honestly you're wondering if you can heck outta this dodge. These lasers are making it pretty warm in here. Looking at your under-britches earlier made you realize how much you wish you had shorts rather than these impractical bell-bottom pants. you always wished you had a proper sewing kit to fix these pants up right, but never had proper fabric cutters or a seamer. These lasers might do the trick of cutting unwanted length and singe the edge to keep it fraying. Just be careful to not make the wrong move, lest you'll end up with a denim belt to cover naught but the edges of your hips. Just beyond your peripheral vision, removing your pants has garnered the undivided attention of the robot. >Craft Skirt Through the magic of narrative, you've managed to singe off the leggings just below the crotch and pair the edges of the inseam so it forms a skirt. It's short, but you can probably get away with it at Megan's cocktail birthday party. She's cool with DIY clothing. It occurs to you after trying to look yourself over with the new apparel, that your panties would probably be visible from a below facing-upward-angle such as exactly where the robot is standing. Fine day to wear lucky bluestripes this turned out to be, you mentally scold yourself. The robot's eyes have heart-shaped LEDs lustfully pulsing in your general direction. >Beep Boop Beep It gets the gist and is running towards the controls of the buzzing machine. You intended to say "let me out" in some form of Assembler but you may also have given a stern rebuke to the propriety of that robot's mother and unmentionable acts with local farm animals, in ASCII. So the robot going on his way could bode well, or it may have a reply to the potential insult. Another possibility is it didn't really care what you said and it's only really thinking about its preferences regarding your revealing clothing. In any case, the robot has shut off your laser cage. Obvious exits are North, South, West, Door, East. Characters in the room are Robot and Dangerous Beasts. The excess length of denim looks like it might be useful so you add it to your inventory.

>Climb up You climb over the fence and land on the other side head first because you occasionally suffer from narcolepsy. >Nap You awake some time later, quite well rested, in a laser cage. The lasers hum omniously. There are other laser cages in the room, that hold dangerous beasts. The dangerous beasts have various amounts of fur, teeth, legs and tails. The dangerous beats beasts are making a ruckus, now that you are stirring. The room is darkly lit and made mainly of metal or stone. There are two doors at the far end, and a robot standing at attention between them. The robot is looking at you. In the corner is a machine making a buzzing noise. There are no windows here. There are no obvious exits. By now your sugar rush has worn off. Thankfully you are still wearing pants.

You hear a voice in your head. It sounds sort of ozark and shout-y like the voice is trying to be heard over the drone of engines. "That's what he wants you to do. Obviously there's a hidden agenda here; you can't let him win." You're halfway up the sign pile as you begin turning the phrase over in your head. In the distance beyond the fence, you can see there's a dirt road that's been grown over. Yonder in the clearing behind you is an ostrich. Obvious actions are Climb up, or Climb down.

You begin pulling off signs aplenty. Unfortunately there's not enough of them to make a fort. About half an hour ago you were counting how many it duplicated, but you lost track around 37. It stopped duplicating and now it's just a fixed sign. But you do now have a pile of signs about 7 feet tall. Almost as tall as the fence in fact.

Based upon a true story, the heroic deeds of high tension powerline electricians repairing a span tower while the voltage is still live, during a storm. Starring Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio. Conquest of Paradise

You open your pants and look south. Yep, still a girl. But you have a sneaking suspicion that's not where the plot is going. You close your pants. You try to remove the sign. It' looks solidly bolted to the chainlink fence. However after a good tug it rips free, sending you a few steps stumbling back. You are now holding a plate alumite sign painted with a bold retroreflective red and white color. It's remarkably light. You hold it up in your hands to compare what you're holding to the fence whence it came from. The fence still has a sign on it.

>EAST You see a chain link fence. It's about 10 ft high and has barbed wire at the top. Beyond the fence are more trees and intruige. The trees on the far side of the fence look particularly voluptuous and nubile. There's a bold red sign that says "KEEP OUT" on it. It looks like some trees and brush have been cleared out from around the base of the fence, but it's been a while and this portion has grown back a bit. The forest is behind you, to the West.