Accursed Farms Chronicles

Jeb_CC

Jeb_CC

Well-known member
Sooo... I went to a website... where you have to fill in the blanks, so... giving it adjectives, nouns, verbs, etc, etc. Then it'd fit it all into a premade story, and you get the weirdest but most hilarious shit. XD Vappy and I went forum-themed for them and ah... wow. Words underlined are words that I gave the text fields and the site randomly put into the story for me. XP You don't get to see what story you're actually going to be making up. It just asks for shit, you give it shit, and bam. Instant weirdness.
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A New Sport

Vappy and I decided to try out the newest sport at Accursed Farm High. It's called dead thread. The object of the game is to kick a(n) dead thread all the way to the end of the field. Every time you do, the fans yell “I HAVE TO MAKE THE MOVIE!” and you get 261263 points. The person with the most points wins.

Vappy started and kicked the thread halfway down the field. What a shot! Then it was my turn. I picked up the thread, took aim, and missed completely. I felt so banned! I tried again, and this time I kicked the thread all the way to the end of the field. The fans in the stands hollered “I HAVE TO MAKE THE MOVIE!” I won the game!

Now I am the champion of Accursed Farm High! I didn't want Vappy to feel badly, so I treated Vappy to a trip to Magda's Cabbages for a(n) Beef sundae with Milk on top!

Field Trip Fun

Yesterday my class took a field trip to Accursed Farms. We had a really new time. The guide showed us one forum, at least 69 cows, and a very spam-riddled website link.

Blighty had an accident. He banned over the thread and banged into Jeb. She fell against a big orange moderator and put her avatar through the photos. We all posted!

The trip was even more locked than a day at school.

Survival!

The Hydrofoil Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the trolls!” hollered Captain Smith. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough trolls, so they threw spammers, moderators, and even one annoying thread overboard. Then everyone skipped into the flashing water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain Smith ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “Ross's favourite song.” First in line were Username and Binky, bobbing in their awful game dungeon. Next, came Ross Scott hanging on for dear life to a slimy YouTube video. They were followed by 125826 others.

After 2512 days, they were rescued by a strange emoticon. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.

XD These turn out... most of the time... not making any sense at all. But they can also be so freaking offensive sometimes, it's amazing.

And also...

"He banned over the thread and banged into Jeb."

Rarity!! XP

I mean, that second story is pretty much a porno if you think about it hard enough. XP

 
Holiday Sing-Along

Sing to the tune of “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

You know Alyxx and Binky

And Zaraki and Vappy,

Psychotic Ninja and BTG

And Scorpio and everyone else I couldn't fit in.

But do you recall

The most spam-filled student of all?

Ross Scott the bannable student.

Had a very messy nose

And if you ever saw it

You would even say it glows.

All of the other students

Used to ban and call him names

They never let poor Ross Scott

stalk in any student games.

Then one foggy Freeman's Day Eve

Madam Magda came to say,

Ross Scott with your nose so blight(y)

Won't you guide my dropship tonight? //-That's what she said?-//

Then all the students loved him

And they deleted about with glee,

“Ross Scott the bannable student

You'll go down in history!”
Magda got steamy with Ross.
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I'll stop mucking about now. XD Here's the website for your entertainment purposes.

https://www.eduplace.com/tales/

 
"He banned over the thread and banged into Jeb."

Rarity!! XP
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I'm sorry! It was an accident.

I mean, that second story is pretty much a porno if you think about it hard enough. XP
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Probably a good thing I waited to drink my tea because my brain is currently too borked to really think about it XD

 
we gotta make this a forum game!

here's mine:

Learn to Be a Rock Star

I'm at a new school. Its name is “The AP School for Rock Stars.” The courses here are off key!

My first assignment is to learn to play the guitar and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to suck around a lot, to gag across the stage, and to laugh at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.

My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 1 people following me around, telling me how fucked I am, how they really like my leotards, and how I am the most naughty person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.

My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a bike and walk the blood red carpet, past all the dying fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, when I get inside, my entourage will be there and I will playing with them to the stage. Next, I'll perform 6 songs, all while screwing across the stage, singing, and screaming at the audience. This will be the toughest final exam I've ever had, and the one I'll never forget!

EDIT: The 1st one's a bit of a warm up, this one's probably a bit better:

For a Limited Time Only! (or as I call it Ross's Game Dungeon Trailer!)

Hi, I'm Ross Scott, and I want to tell you all about the new Game Dungeon.

Have you seen the new Game Dungeon? It's fantastic! It will Freak you out and stuff with no problems at all. To use the Game Dungeon, all you need are a few Games that are not dead. Yes, folks, it's that easy.

Tired of always having to force Anti-aliasing? Well, now you can relax and let the Ross's Game Dungeon do all the work.

Our customers love the Game Dungeon!

Freeman said, “After using the Game Dungeon, I'll never go back to using the Machinima.com. Why bother?”

This Ross's Game Dungeon is available at any store that also sells Ships that's a carrot. For a limited time, we are including a bonus CarnEvil coin with each Game Dungeon that you purchase. That's right, folks. Buy the Game Dungeon and get the CarnEvil coin absolutely free!

We are also running a contest. The next 100 people who buy a(n) Game Dungeon will be entered in a contest to win a lifetime supply of Nyet III Bricks!

Visit your local Gorilla Gong and pick up the Game Dungeon. Act now, while supplies last!
 
The Sky Is Falling!

Each spring, the sky turns Blue. Giant drops of Apple juice fall from the sky. All this Apple juice helps the grass and the BTG to grow, but it can make things really Garden too.

Some places get so much Apple juice, that rivers currently into the streets. Driving can be tricky when this happens, so some people put special Rarity on their cars.

And when the Apple juice is falling, don't forget your could. Otherwise, your feet might get unknowingly if you presently in puddles!

After all the Apple juice has fallen, the skies begin to maybe. If you are lucky, you might see a huge Farm stretched across the sky.


Dear Diary,

Today was the most bad day at school! Jeb didn't speak to me all day. I did forgot my homework for math class. My new friend KittyCat isn't talking to me anymore. And to top it all off, I forgot my lunch, so I had to borrow money to buy lunch. I hate borrowing money, I hate forgetting my homework, and I hate it when my friends don't talk to me! currently! I hope tomorrow is a better day!

Dear Diary,

Everything was much better today. Jeb wasn't mad at me; she was just upset because her parents would not let her go to a party. She was hoping toward everyone. My math teacher said she'd only take one point off my homework because this was the only time I'd ever forgotten anything. She said everyone makes thinking mistakes sometimes. My new friend KittyCat is talking to me. He was just busy helping out a sick friend. He had to gather all of his friend's homework. My friend who loaned me the money for lunch yesterday said I didn't have to pay him back, because I had loaned him money for lunch a while ago. I hope every day is a good as today!
 
The Weather Station

Coming soon to a television channel near you: Dial-a-Weather. This frantic new TV channel lets you see the weather in another city, and, if you like it, you can have that weather in your own city right away!

 

Is it too disturbed in Accursed Farms? Then choose another city, like Gorilla Gong, and soon it will be hot in your city too! It's just that silly!

 

Some funny bonus features include interesting wind, super friendly barometer pressures, and, for black-level members, “Choose Your Storm.” That's right, if you have a test and you didn't study, order a nice rainy storm and, “EUREKA,” you get a day off from school! Keep posting this station for more information!

Interesting... Too bad there's such a limited number of stories to choose from.

 
Mine gets very weird, almost immediately, I thought to apologize in advance. I hope you can forgive some minor tweaks and edits on my part to correct some of the awkward grammar.

One smelly day, our class went hiking along the Accursed Farms River. Like all hairy hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried gobshites, chicken kormas, and one Ross Scott.

As we walked along the trail, Jeb noticed an aroused footprint. “Do you think a Selfsurprise made these tracks?” Jeb asked.

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested Binky The Rabbit .

We punched for hours. Then I screamed, “FUUUUUUU-!!!! I think I see huge ear lobes.”

“There are more virgins in here than in Al-Qaeda heaven!” we heard someone say. It was BTGBullseye.

“BTGBullseye!” we screamed. “We thought you were huge ear lobes!”

“Do I look like huge ear lobes? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for arseholes. There are lots of them here along the Accursed Farms River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

“There are more virgins in here than in Al-Qaeda heaven!!” everyone said.

(excerpt) "...as long as you're all here, you can help me look for arseholes." - BTGBullseye
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Life's a cliche (do note it's rated 'i' for 'immature')

(also I changed baseball team to 'blitzball' team, I don't know baseball teams, and I was drawing a blank, and instead of 'friend' I used 'fictional character'.

Deadpool: Were you surprised when the Zanarkand Abes lost?

Goku: Surprised? You could have knocked me over with a(n) cone.

Deadpool: I think the weather had a lot to do with it.

Goku: Yes, the field was in terrible shape. It had been raining Chocobos and Horses up until the time the game started.

Deadpool: What do you think of the catcher?

Goku: He's a problem. He's out of shape. The coach should take the duck by the balls and fire him!

Deadpool: We don't see shlong to shlong on this at all. I think the catcher is in great shape. He's as fit as a(n) piano.

Goku: How can you say that? He got on the team by the skin of his balls.

Deadpool: You may be right. But you and I know how it is. That's just the way the chicken bounces.

Goku: Well, time certainly does run. I've got to be getting home now.

Deadpool: See you tomorrow, I hope. It's always fun peeing the breeze with you.
 
I've just noticed one on the site called A Trip to the Art Museum, it should give some insight into what generally happens in my free time... :3

This brochure for the Jeb Museum of Art highlights some of the special pieces in the museum's art collection.

On the ground floor, you can see sculptures that date back one hundred and seventy six years ago. One of the throbbing treasures here is the three-headed owlbear, with a striking resemblance to Ross Scott, made by the people of Krull.

The second floor is a themed exhibit. All the artwork here relates to deep fried turkey dunks. Make sure you check out the famous painting of deep fried turkey dunks by BTGBullseye (or his best friend, Liberace). And what exhibit about deep fried turkey dunks would be complete without a giant sculpture of the spotted dick?

The third floor features work by one of today's most famous artists, Selfsurprise. Selfsurprise's use of color in paintings of large Japanese schoolgirls has influenced many artists.

At the end of your visit, be sure to stop by the Alyxx Thorne (I didn't forget you this time around ;p) shop. Pick up some Binky The Rabbit as a souvenir of your trip to the Jeb Museum of Art!

@SelfSurprise: This is the best I've read yet. XD Amazing.
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Thank you Jeb, though I'm not sure I ought to willingly take credit for expelling the fictional equivalent of Typhon and Echidna's monstrous offspring... ;p

Goku: Yes, the field was in terrible shape. It had been raining Chocobos and Horses up until the time the game started.

[...]

Deadpool: See you tomorrow, I hope. It's always fun peeing the breeze with you.
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Sorry, I just had to single out these lines. This is the one piece of crossover fiction that none of us ever knew we wanted.

 
Road Trip

One day my Uncle Psychotic Ninja and my Aunt Jeb said they would take me and my sister Username on a trip to Hawaii.

“You will love Hawaii,” said Aunt Jeb. “It is famous for its wild cats, its red flowers, and its beautiful sleeping hills.”

“I hope you packed plenty of chicken for the ride,” said Uncle Psychotic Ninja. “It will probably take us 12 hours.”

So we all piled into Uncle Psychotic Ninja and Aunt Jeb's tank. At first the trip was really sharp. We sang “54 Bottles of water on the Wall.” Then we counted the sticks that we saw farting in the fields by the side of the road. But after 3 hours we had eaten all the chicken and Username was getting small.

“Are we almost there?” she asked softly.

“Yes, pooface,” said Aunt Jeb.

Just then I saw a sign that said, “Austin: 2 miles.”

“Umm, Uncle Psychotic Ninja, is Austin on the way to Hawaii?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Username, pointing, “and is Mount Rushmore on the way to Hawaii?”

“THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!, kids,” laughed Uncle Psychotic Ninja. “You can trust the expert.”

“One thing's for sure,” I muttered. “I don't think we're in Minnesota any more.”

Moral of the story: Don't let me drive...

 
One day my Uncle Psychotic Ninja and my Aunt Jeb said they would take me and my sister Username on a trip to Hawaii.

“You will love Hawaii,” said Aunt Jeb. “It is famous for its wild cats, its red flowers, and its beautiful sleeping hills.”

“I hope you packed plenty of chicken for the ride,” said Uncle Psychotic Ninja. “It will probably take us 12 hours.”

So we all piled into Uncle Psychotic Ninja and Aunt Jeb's tank. At first the trip was really sharp. We sang “54 Bottles of water on the Wall.” Then we counted the sticks that we saw farting in the fields by the side of the road. But after 3 hours we had eaten all the chicken and Username was getting small.

“Are we almost there?” she asked softly.

“Yes, pooface,” said Aunt Jeb.

Just then I saw a sign that said, “Austin: 2 miles.”

“Umm, Uncle Psychotic Ninja, is Austin on the way to Hawaii?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Username, pointing, “and is Mount Rushmore on the way to Hawaii?”

“THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!, kids,” laughed Uncle Psychotic Ninja. “You can trust the expert.”

“One thing's for sure,” I muttered. “I don't think we're in Minnesota any more.”

Moral of the story: Don't let me drive...
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That is what happens when you attempt a road trip to Hawaii.

Plans For A Great Summer:

This is going to be the most high-pitched summer ever. I am going to sleep until half past evening. Then I am going to have pancakes for breakfast.

After breakfast, Selfsurprise and I will go to the beach and build sand donkeys all morning. If we get bored, we will go down to the park and go roller flooding. For lunch we will have insects in chocolate dip sandwiches.

Later in the summer, I may take a trip to East Berlin to visit Ross Scott. Or maybe I will go to camp and learn owl-back riding. I definitely want to watch Surf Nazis Must Die! 2016 times.

Last week, my parents were talking about having me clean the butts out of the garage. They also want me to caress the lawn every week. And I think they said something about believing in the garden. I hope they won't be too undoubted when they find out I already have plans!

Survival!

The burning jet ski Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the TV screens!” hollered Captain Cat. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough TV screens, so they threw sawn-off shotguns, cockroaches, and even one disturbing nuclear bomb overboard. Then everyone consumed into the completely deranged and psychotic water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain Cat ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “Back In The U.S.S.R..” First in line were Jeb and BTG, bobbing in their dirty wooden spoon. Next, came Psycho Ninja hanging on for dear life to a slimy paper. They were followed by 7.25 others.

After 1 days, they were rescued by a strange broken smartphone screen. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.
 
Just for Scott:

Every summer, people head to Lake ScottD.Betson near Townsville. There are so many things to do at the lake. Lots of people snorkel, hoping to catch a glimpse of the skiny cats that live in the lake.

On Saturdays, people have swimming relay races. Each team has 74 members. Swimmers carry trees that are passed from one team member to the next. The winning team is awarded cars and buildings. Lots of people come to watch the races. They cheer on teams by shouting, “POOTIS SPENCER HERE!!”

After the races, people paddle their doctors around the lake. Then everyone comes back to shore for a picnic of popcorn sandwiches and hotdog sundaes. Someone usually plays the poster while people eat.

People are sad when the summer ends. But everyone looks forward to the next summer at Lake ScottD.Betson when they can snorkel above the skiny cats, swim for prizes of cars and buildings, and paddle their doctors.
 
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