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You don't have 'Blood of the Dead Grue'.

 

If you don't drink something soon you will collapse.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Drink your own blood.

I don't like writer's block, I prefer to call it writer's parry.

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You can't drink your own blood, you don't have a straw!

 

The sun is beginning to set. If you don't drink something soon you will collapse.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Drink out of a puddle of water that I just found and you didn't notice until now.

They call me Snake. They call me Es Rake. They call me Srahkay. That's nahmaname. That's nahmaname. That's not my... name.

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*Syntax error: 133239*

 

You died. Would you like to continue? Y/N

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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N

.

.

.

.

------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to the Accursed Farms Text Based Adventures.

Please select a game:

 

1) Captain Gordon Freeman and the Intergalactic House of Pancakes against the face-hugging aliens.

2) Zork

3) Ninja Assult

4) Dementia: descend into darkness

 

Your choice:_

I bring you mortal danger and cookies. Not necessarily in that order.

http://www.youtube.com/jclc

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1

I don't like writer's block, I prefer to call it writer's parry.

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Please choose difficulty:

 

1. Blueberry

2. Easy

3. Hard

4. Nightmare

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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You are in a completely dark room. The items you have on you are a crowbar, glasses and a pistol mag. you hear a growling noise coming from above you.

I don't like writer's block, I prefer to call it writer's parry.

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The swoosh of the crowbar awoke a giant tentacle monster that may or may not be wearing the dark room you're in as a hat. You see it lunge in your general direction, as well as a body wearing an HEV suit and some other things some distance WEST. You see a giant pit where the tentacle is coming from NORTH. There is a large wooden crate EAST.

Edited by Guest (see edit history)

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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Turn on flashlight, throw pistol mag EAST, and run WEST.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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The pistol hit the wood box and discharged with a loud bang. The tentacle swoops toward the box and smashes it with one swoop, making a "swoop" noise.

You run west and make a slide that Bill Casey would be proud of all the way to the HEV suit body.

Near the suit is a crystal, a steel spring, a Tau cannon with only three rounds of ammo and a human tooth.

The tentacle is making a ruckus.

You can only move NORTH or WEST.

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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Loot body, take crystal, spring and tooth.

 

We should do a collaborative for a real ".exe" version of this... Maybe even get Steam to host the game.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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The tentacle does not seem content with the small woodchips that remain the only sign that a box once existed. The tentacle has stopped making swoosh noises and is now back to making growling noises while repeatedly stabbing the metal floor near the glock pistol.

You loot the body and find 42.24 in cash and change, a D-cell battery, an ID for a "Christoph Kristopherson" and two clips of ammo for a glock pistol.

One of the banknotes has a moustache scribbled onto the figurehead.

Edited by Guest (see edit history)

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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Move north.

I don't like writer's block, I prefer to call it writer's parry.

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You creep North, grasping your pockets in order to avoid making your new found spare change jangle. You stop a couple feet from the opening of the pit where the tentacles are coming from.

Someone should hire this creature as a wood chipper.

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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You go onto a train of thought about where the monster could have come from, via Langstrom entanglement or perhaps Occram's machete theory. but machete made you think of the movie Spy Kids, which made you think of fake spaniards, which made you think of taco bell. You point out your tongue in disgust while sneezing, which results in two things.

First, the tentacle whips around and slams you against the far wall SOUTH with a terrific Thud! It hurts a lot, but thankfully some of the blow was cushioned by the steel spring in your pocket.

Second, now you know what a sneeze tastes like on your tongue. You don't want to remind yourself.

 

You are rather heftily pinned against a metal wall by a tentacle that smells like a fart butt. Your obvious exits are PANIC, KILL MONSTER, DIE, ARGUE and PONDER.

This is a nice metric server. No imperial dimensions, please.

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