Joke Thread.

[Jek Jek Roo]

D'ya know the Mufasa joke?

 

[Psychotic Ninja]

Tom: "How do you put an elephant under a drive way?"

Bob: "Uh... how?"

Tom: "First take the "r" out of "drive" and what do you get?"

Bob: "Dive"

Tom: "O.K. now take the "f" out of "way" and what do you get?"

Bob: "There's no "f" in "way"!"

[Blightmare]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[WonSul]

A man walks into a bar, and says "Ouch!".

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra..

[Epsilon]

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

 

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

noone has done a chuck norris fact yet D:

well, this is a joke thread and THOSE are facts so i guess it doesn't belong

[scott155]

-Two blonds walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it!

 

-What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino? http://xkcd.com/28/

 

-A baby seal walks into a club.

[alphabetagamma]

What's a millipede's favorite toy? Legos.

[The Hamburglar]

noone has done a chuck norris fact yet D:

well, this is a joke thread and THOSE are facts so i guess it doesn't belong

This is a joke thread, not a thread for overused memes.

[BTGBullseye]

Overused memes.

[Blightmare]

-A baby seal walks into a club.

Arg you're horrible. XD

[BTGBullseye]

Barack Obama.

[Brad]

Barack Obama.

 

George Bush's second term.

 

Please refrain from posting any political jokes that may entice arguments.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Guest (see edit history)

[Madman]

A man decides to go for camping at a mountain all by himself, so he hastily prepares his things and drives off. When he reaches the mountain and gets off his car, he notices black clouds near and, in no time, a blizzard breaks out. Confused and cold, the man wanders around untill he sees a small shack. He knocks on the door and an old man answers. The man says: "Greetings sir, could you please let me in? Im aufully cold and if i stay out longer I'll surely die.". The old man replies: "Sure, you can come in, but in one condition, you must not sleep with my daughter, or I shall apply the three chinese tortures upon you." The man agrees, and walks inside the shack. There, he notices the old man's daughter. The girl is so beautiful that he already feels the urge to make love to her. As if that wasn't enough, the girl lustily gazes at him. So at nighttime he goes to her room and makes love to her. At morning now, he wakes up and sees a big rock layed on his chest. He looks around confused and sees a note stuck on the wall beside the bed that writes: "Torture #1: rock on chest" the man laughs, picks up the rock and throws it out of the window. Then, he says to himself: "If all the tortures are like this, I might even marry the girl!" As he tries to walk away he sees a note above the window that writes: "Torture #2: Left testicle tied on rock". He instantly jumps out of the window thinking "Some broken bones are better than a ripped testicle.". Then, as he falls along with the rock he notices a note stuck at it. "Right testicle tied at bed."

[BTGBullseye]

Barack Obama.

George Bush's second term.

Both true...

 

 

Please refrain from posting any political jokes that may entice arguments.

Why? Isn't that about the only thing that's interesting about politics, the arguments about the true jokes?

[Brad]

Barack Obama.

George Bush's second term.

Both true...

 

 

Please refrain from posting any political jokes that may entice arguments.

Why? Isn't that about the only thing that's interesting about politics, the arguments about the true jokes?

 

Maybe. I just don't wan't this thread to derail. We're here to tell jokes, not rip each other's throats out.

[BTGBullseye]

Maybe. I just don't wan't this thread to derail. We're here to tell jokes, not rip each other's throats out.

You're the only one taking it off topic right now...

 

 

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

[scott155]

-A baby seal walks into a club.

Arg you're horrible. XD

It's funny because only adult seals are allowed in clubs.

 

Anyway...

 

There once was a man named Rick,

Who tripped and fell on a stick.

As he falls

It rips off his balls

And now he has only a dick.

 

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who's foot got stuck in a bucket

He'd struggle and fight

But the bucket held tight

And in the end he said "Fuck it."

[Blue]

Ha ha history jokes

[Alyxx Thorne]

Dumb question: Why does the radio have buttons on it?

Dumb answer: Because zippers would look silly.