Joke Thread.

[J.C.]

J.C.: That is so frequently used.

I like classics... How about this one:

 

"We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here", said the bartender.

A neutrino walked into a bar.

[Blue]

He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.

[Epsilon]

J.C.: That is so frequently used.

I like classics... How about this one:

 

"We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here", said the bartender.

A neutrino walked into a bar.

 

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You've got to keep your ion them."

[Psychotic Ninja]

Here's a joke for you: Bronies.

[Axeldeath]

Ï've got a better one: People who complain about ponies being spammed in every thread who then proceed to do it themselves.

[Epsilon]

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

 

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

 

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

 

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

[Jek Jek Roo]

Ummmm... I typed in google "jokes anout Poles" :/

 

Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding..."I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."

His buddy replies, "Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says ’Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit her with the shovel!"

 

---

 

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"

 

LOL

[J.C.]

Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who askes: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I am"

[ProHypster]

Common Ukrainian joke. Hard to translate so forgive me.

 

Three fuckits walk along a road in a forest.

They find 10 gold coins.

 

F1: Ah, fuck it.

F2: Meh.... Fuck it.

F3: Fuck it.

 

After this they move on.

After some time they find a kg of gold coins.

 

F1: holy... oh well fuck it.

F2: .............fuck.... it.

F3: Fuck it.

 

10 minutes later and they find a treasure chest full of coins.

 

F1: Mmmmmmmmm....Arg... fuck it.

F2: #$%@$% Fuck it.

 

The third member takes the treasure chest to his home.

The next day the two fuckits say to the third fuckit how they thought he was a fuckit and why he betrayed them yesterday.

 

F3: mmm... Fuck it.

 

The Second common ukrainian joke can be better translated.

 

A conversation between two ukrainian farmers:

Slavko: Borys, the russians have gone to space!!!

Borys: What, all of them?

Slavko: No!

Borys: Then why are you telling me this?

[Jek Jek Roo]

I got the second one. Lol

[J.C.]

I didn't

 

Ok, here's another.

 

Mrs. Schroedinger to Mr. Schroedinger: What the hell did you do to the cat? It looks half dead!

[Epsilon]

 

J.C.: I see what you did there.

[Jek Jek Roo]

A joke, haha

[Blightmare]

Mrs. Schroedinger to Mr. Schroedinger: What the hell did you do to the cat? It looks half dead!

The great thing about that joke is it takes a moderate level of intelligence just to realize how stupid it is.

 

anywho,

 

An Irishmans walk out of a bar.

Hey, it can happen!

[Kirkreng]

A women walks out of the kitchen.

[Axeldeath]

AWW SHIII SON

[Koach]

funny Argentinian joke. might offend someone who's galician.

 

during the spanish civil war, the loyalists captured 3 men. two of them were part of the international brigade (a british and a french), and 1 was a galician.

when the loyalist officer announced that the 3 prisoners were going to be executed, the 3 men started to plan an escape.

 

the next day, the british prisoner is woken up and put in front of the firing squad.

-"make ready" -the officer shouted. "Present!"

-"TORNADO!" shouted the prisoner. the firing squad turned around to see, and the man escaped.

 

2 hours later, the frenchman was ready to get shot.

-"make ready" -the officer shouted. "Present!"

-"EARTHQUAKE" yelled the french. the soldiers quickly looked at the ground, giving the frenchman time to escape.

 

finally, the galician's turn came. "lets get this over with" said the officer. "make ready! Present"

the galician stared at the muzzles of the rifles, thinking on a distraction.

then, he yelled "FIRE, FIRE!"

[J.C.]

Let's combine my last two jokes:

 

- Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?”. Heisenberg says, “Well, not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was”. The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, finds a dead cat in the trunk, and says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?” and Schrodinger says, “Well, I do now!”

 

 

Ok, ok. That was bad. How about this one:

 

- As my chemistry teacher always said, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

 

Or this:

 

- A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everybody in here is drinking." And the bartender says, "Now that, my friend, is an order of magnitude."

 

[Jek Jek Roo]

I wanted to post on AF forum but I saw your posts in this thread and I asked myself: is this topic some kind of joke?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Here's a good one

 

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

 

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

 

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

 

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

 

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

 

Principal: 

'What is 3 x 3?'

 

Harry: 

'9.'

 

Principal:'What is 6 x 6?'

 

Harry: 

'36.'

 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

 

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

 

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

 

The principal and Harry both agreed.

 

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

 

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

 

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

 

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

 

Harry: 'Pants.'

 

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

 

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

 

Harry: 'Shake hands .'

 

The principal was trembling.

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

 

Harry: 

'Firetruck.'

 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the 

teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.