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[Kirkreng]

[Jek Jek Roo]

.-. .- -. -.. --- -- - .... .-. . .- -..

[Average Internet Guy]

Contrary to popular knowledge, modern science has been unable to locate the 'humps' on any part of the female anatomy.

[Jek Jek Roo]

*singing*

I am the very model of a scientist salarian

I've studied species Turian, Asari and Batarian

I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology

because I am an expert which I know is a tautology!

My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian

I am the very model of a scientist salarian!

[Blue]

I am the Captain of the Pinafore

(and a right-good Captain too!)

I'm very very good and be it understood I command a right-good crew.

(we're very very good and be it understood he commands a right-good crew)

[Jek Jek Roo]

Good morning! Ja... chciałbym... moje pieniądze... money... my money, tu umieścić... wasz bank... konto na hasło... Verstehen?

Edited November 9, 2011 by Guest (see edit history)

[Blightmare]

While lying on my back to make an angel in the snow,

I saw a greenish craft appear! a giant UFO!

 

A strange, unearthly hum it made! It hovered oeverhead!

And aliens were moving 'round in viewing ports glowing red!

 

I tried to run for cover, but a hook that they had low'r'd

Snagged me by my overcoat and hoisted me aboard!

 

Even then, I tried to fight, and though they numbered many,

I poked them in their compund eyes and pulled on their antannae!

 

It was no use! They dragged me to a platform, tied me up,

And wired to my cranium a fiendish suction cup!

 

They turned it on and current coursed across my cerebellum,

Coaxing things from my brain tissue, the things I wouldn't tell 'em!

 

All the math I ever learned, the numbers and equations,

Were mechanic'ly removed in this brain-draining operation!

 

My escape was an adventure. (I won't tell you what I did.)

But suffice to say, I cannot add, so ask some other kid.

[Scorpia]

cool, i love country songs, Rarity!

[J.C.]

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

[J.C.]

[Blightmare]

Another night deprived of slumber,

Hours passing without number,

My eye trace 'round the room. I lay

 

Dripping sweat and now quite certain

That tonight the final curtain

Drops upon my life's short precious play.

 

From the darkness, by the closet

Comes a noise, much like a faucet

Makes: a madd'ning drip-drip-dripping sound.

 

It seems some ill-proportioned beast,

Anticipating me deceased,

Is drooling poison puddles on the ground..

 

A can of mace, a forty-five,

Is all I'd need to stay alive,

But no weapon lies within my sight.

 

Oh my gosh! A shadow's creeping,

Ominous and black, it's seeping

Slowly 'cross a moonlit square of light!

 

Suddenly a floorboard creak

Announces the bloodsucking freak

Is here to steal my future years away!

A sulf'rous smell now fills the room

Heralding my imm'nent doom!

A fang gleams in the dark and murky gray!

 

Oh, blood-red eyes a tentacles!

Throbbing, pulsing ventricles!

Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws!

 

Worse, in terms of outright scariness,

Are the suckers multifarious

That grab and force you in its mighty jaws!

This disgusting aberration

Of nature needs no motivation

To devour helpless children in their beds.

Relishing despairing moans,

It chews kids up and sucks their bones,

And dissolves inside its mouth their li'l heads!

 

I know this 'cause I read it not

Two hours ago and then I got

The heebie-jeebies and these awful shakes.

 

My parents swore upon their honor

That I was safe, and not a goner.

I guess tomorrow they'll see their sad mistakes.

 

In the morning, they'll come in

And say, "What was that awful din

We heard last night? You kept us both from sleep!"

 

Only then will they surmise

The gruesomeness of my demise

And see that my remains are in a heap.

 

Dad will look at Mom and say,

"Too bad he had to go that way."

And Mom will look at Dad and nod assent.

 

Mom will add, "Still, it's fitting,

That as he was this world quitting,

He should leave another mess before he went."

They may not miss me first, I know.

They will miss me later, though,

And perhaps admit that they were wrong.

As memories of me grow dim,

They'll say, "We were too strict with him.

We should have listened to him all along."

 

As speedily my end approaches,

I bid a final "buenas noches"

To my best friend in the world.

Gently snoring, whiskers seeming

To sniff at smells (he must be dreaming),

He lies snuggled in the blankets curled.

 

HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN!

YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!

Suddenly the monster knows I'm not alone!

 

There's an animal in bed with me!

an awful beast he did not see!

The monster never would've come if he had know!

 

The monster, in his consternation,

Demonstrates defenestration,

And runs and runs and runs and runs away.

 

Rid of the pest,

I now can rest,

Thanks to my best friend, who saved the day.

[Scorpia]

i have candy...

[J.C.]

[Blightmare]

totally bro.

[Scorpia]

Marriage: pretty much betting someone half your shit that you'll love them the rest of your life...

[J.C.]

PROTIP

 

[Brad]

PROTIP: When the bad guys start shooting their guns at you, you should start shooting your guns back at them.

[Obsidian]

Yo, shakespeare was a bitch. WHAT NAO!?

[J.C.]

Now?

 

NOW THIS HAPPENS!!!