The Magical Thread Of Made-Up Metal Subgenres

[Selfsurprise]

I already mentioned one... Christian Death Metal.

you know that actually exists, right?

I think BTG is pulling our collective locomotive appendages... :3

[DeWolfeJV]

Neo-Drone Funk.

[Selfsurprise]

Black Minimal

^ EVERYBODY GET ON THE FLOOR, EVERYBODY DO THE DIMMU BORGIR.

Ignore the troubling connection to pounding EDM and disco music for a moment and consider the darker and deeper strains of techno music, particularly those artists that hold a close allegiance to old school industrial music such as

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wtvcu4_hysw, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxBmdT9Gi7Y and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoLwgsx7hWA. I don't think it would take too much a paradigm shift in song-writing or too much of a leap for the imagination to replace the typical dense urban ambience on these tracks with the formless guitar drone of raw black metal, or the vocal samples with the guttural and distorted voices common to the genre. A minimal techno reimagining of an album such as Burzum's Filosofem could potentially be the best record I've never heard.

 

Les Murray Post-Metal

^ "Some people are born to fatness. Others have to get there." - Les Murray

Not so much an actual subgenre as a broad range of atmospheric metal inspired tendency, I think this Australian poets work would make an utterly unique and strangely apt source of lyrical material for any kind of immense, lush, slow-tempo metal music. His work revels in the crude earthiness of New South Wales culture and the spirituality inherent in both artifice and nature - with a good dose of humour to boot - something that extreme metal could use a smidge of from time to time. Just read this line from his poem Spring Hail and just try to tell me it isn't metal as fvck...

"I sat on a log then, listening with my skin

to the secret feast of the sun, to the long wet worms

at work in the earth, and, deeper down, the stones

beneath the earth, uneasy that their sleep

should be troubled by dreams of water soaking down,

and I heard with my ears the creek on its bed of mould

moving and passing with a mothering sound"

[Selfsurprise]

An A-Z Of Metal Subgenres I've Just Made Up

• Austro-Hungarian Saboteur Metal
  
• Bin Lorry Metal
  
• Cuddles The Monkey Metal
  
• Dolphin Metal
  
• Ergonomic Hazard Metal
  
• Football Hooliganism Metal
  
• Grassroots Conservative Party Metal
  
• Heat Death Of The Universe Metal
  
• Itchy Metal
  
• Jeremy Clarkson Metal
  
• Kudzu Metal
  
• Loud-As-Balls Metal
  
• Metallic Metal
  
• Novelty Sized Toblerone Bar Metal
  
• Olympic Doping Scandal Metal
  
• Pontefract Metal
  
• Quincunx Metal
  
• Realistic Pokemon Metal
  
• Space Wolves Metal
  
• Trouble With Tribbles Metal
  
• Ultimate Dodgeball Metal
  
• Vincent Price Voice Impersonation Metal
  
• Waka Waka Waka Metal
  
• Xeriscaping Metal
  
• YOLO Metal
  
• Zooplankton Metal

 

Let me apologize in advance for this update, my brain isn't up for anything that requires effort today.

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Dr. Pepper Metal - It's sweeter than normal Metal and tastes a bit of cherries.