Accursed Farms Chronicles

[Selfsurprise]

“Are we almost there?” she asked softly.

 

“Yes, pooface,” said Aunt Jeb.

 

This made me laugh a lot more than I care to admit.

 

I may take a trip to East Berlin to visit Ross Scott.

THE EAST BERLIN IN POLAND

 

After we handed our members to BTGbullseye...

[Psychotic Ninja]

On the track of Bigfoot

 

 

One blue day, our class went hiking along the 2fort River. Like all huge hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried trees, cheeseburgers, and one paper.

 

As we walked along the trail, Alyxx noticed a(n) giant footprint. “Do you think a(n) flag made these tracks?” Alyxx asked.

 

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested Jeb.

 

We swam for hours. Then I screamed, “I HAVE TO PEE!! I think I see a huge penis.”

 

“I am an adult!” we heard someone say. It was Ross Scott.

 

“Ross Scott!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge penis!”

 

“Do I look like a huge penis? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for rocks. There are lots of them here along the 2fort River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

 

“I am an adult!!” everyone said.

 

 

 

An Ode

 

Radio Announcer: Thank you for tuning in today. We are here in Bikini Bottom to celebrate National Poetry Month. In just a moment, the nation's poet laureate, Lanipator, will read a poem about a(n) building. And here is Lanipator.

 

Lanipator: Thank you, everyone. This is a very tiny poem I wrote about a(n) building.

 

An Ode to a(n) building

 

The building is as big as a(n) rock.

It reminds me of small doctors flying.

O, the building. O, the building!

What do red people think when they see you for the first time?

Perhaps they know there are happy days ahead.

O, the building. O, the building!

For some, you are large, but for others, you are small.

If we are pooping, we pause when we think of you.

May you always fly.

O, the building. O, the building!

The end.

 

Radio Announcer: On behalf of the poets, thank you for peeing.

 

[Selfsurprise]

I think this is quickly becoming my favourite thread.

 

Kids in Space

 

What if you lived on the International Space Station? Imagine your normal day as it is now, but in space!

 

In the morning, you get up at 2:07 AM and get dressed in your space codpieces and space one sock. There is no gravity in space, so you float into the kitchen to eat your breakfast of dried easter eggs, black forest gateaux in a tube, and smashed up snickers bar in a plastic space container. Then, instead of taking the bus to school, you hop into that car from Dumb And Dumber that looks like a dog and orbit Earth 34,000 times.

 

In that car from Dumb And Dumber that looks like a dog, you do blasphemous science experiments such as determining how good an owlephant is at flying in space. When the experiments are done, you go outside the car from Dumb And Dumber that looks like a dog for some exercise in space. You punch outside that car from Dumb And Dumber that looks like a dog for an hour or more. When you are done exercising, you go back to the International Space Station for other activities such as molesting, wrestling, and gyrating.

 

You end the day by sending Captain Jean-Luc Picard to your parents via the space computer, and they tell you goodnight from Earth, down below.

 

 

“Ross Scott!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge penis!”.

Well that's just rude!

 

If we are pooping, we pause when we think of you.

You know you care about someone when this happens.

[Psychotic Ninja]

Up Close and Personal

 

 

Welcome to The Psychotic Show! Tonight Psychotic will be interviewing Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe.

 

Psychotic: And here's my first guest now. Glad you could join us tonight, Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe. Having you on the show makes me feel tiny!

 

Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe: It makes me feel tiny, too, Psychotic! It's large of you to invite me.

 

Psychotic: There's been a lot of fat talk about your trip to USA with Emma Stone. In fact, in today's Daily Bugle, Alyxx Thorne wrote a column about your trip.

 

Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe: I read it, but that reporter made up the whole story. Emma Stone and I have never even been to USA. In fact, we haven't been out of Hawaii for 987465165 years.

 

Psychotic: Sounds like you were framed.

 

Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe: That's right. What else would you like to know?

 

Psychotic: Is it true that you own more than 4984613484981684 trees?

 

Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe: I do own trees, but only two.

 

Psychotic: Well folks, we're out of time. Thanks, Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe. I really enjoyed pooping with you!

 

Harry Pot- er Daniel Radcliffe: I enjoyed pooping with you, too!

 

 

Up close and personal is right...

[Selfsurprise]

Why did I ever stop posting in this thread?

 

 

What a day this was! This morning before school, my Selfsurprise broke, and I had to vibrate all the way to school. Then the teacher announced that we would be having a test next week on seventy-eight units of our textbook.

 

When I was herp-derping to the cafeteria, I stepped in hideous juggalos. I couldn't get the communists off my shoes! I opened my lunch sack, and then I realized that I had grabbed my leftover lunch from last week. The only things I had to eat were stale toblerones and ballin' grapes. Luckily, Psychotic Ninja had some extra macaques, so I didn't starve!

 

That afternoon we had gym class. The gym teacher told us we would be batmanning today, but I'd left my Daisy Duke's denim short-shorts at home. So I had to poke instead.

 

On the way home from school, I dropped my bag, and all of my shark-furries fell on the ground. At least we had my favorite possessed farmers for dinner!

 

It's been a long day. I hope tomorrow is better. I'm going to put on my special SS uniforms tomorrow morning, just in case!

 

 

It was all worth it for that emboldened sentence alone...