Toxic relationships

[rliant1864]

I wanne see you living for a year on abandoned island.

Find me an island to do so, and I'll prove you wrong... Make sure it has the capability of sustaining me for the whole year though. (food, fresh water, etc.)

 

sorry, I'm busy with life...

 

Good chance to get into realty/reality TV.

[Jek Jek Roo]

Hey BTG, after all if it works for you, it's all okay really, I was thinking about it. Sorry for being bitter about it, even if my last reply is quite old on this topic.

 

HHm I can't stand toxic relationships even in movies/tv series, it allways gets me. It's sad ._.

[BTGBullseye]

No worries... I didn't take offense, I figured you just needed time to think about it.

[Templar Knight]

I figure it takes a particular kind of person to be a complete loner perpetually, for one thing you'd have to be mostly self-sufficient so that you could afford to not engage with anyone if you chose not to. That either requires a fair amount of money, or a fairly diverse set of skills, probably even a bit of both for most people.

 

Their mental state has to be one that's well-suited for isolationism as well. Drifters IMO have the best chance, since they'd carry basically no attachments to family they won't fear losing them since they're already gone for whatever reason, plus they'd have to be conditioned to be at least semi-self-reliant to even live if nobody's out to look after them but themselves. People with Sociopathic traits IMO would also have better chances since Sociopaths don't really care about what other think or feel about them anyway, meaning the "need" for social interaction is greatly diminished in them compared to others.

 

I also think the person has to be able to keep themselves occupied with stuff, anything. The idle mind tends to wander, and you can see this in all kinds of situations. Monastic Orders on the fringes of civilization all had strict regimented schedules, and even though they weren't alone they were most definitely extremely isolated from almost everyone. Survivalists suggest in situations where you're on your own lost for an extended period of time, you constantly keep your mind focused on specific tasks and follow them through as much as you can just to keep your mind off of the fact that you're lost and alone in the middle of fucking nowhere. Communes encourage similar situations of isolationism and focusing on whatever gimmick the commune has to offer in terms of alternative means of existence, even though most communes have some people around, the whole idea is escape from the trappings of most of established society in some shape or form.

 

Obviously, being primarily social creatures, not everyone can be completely for any extended period of time. But I also don't think its impossible.

 

I've yet to encounter a truly toxic relationship yet thankfully. But then I've also yet to have any significant romantic relationship with anyone, so I've lost out on half of my potential for getting into those situations.

[Jeb_CC]

I think the perfect loner would be a sociopathic individual who is very imaginative and has had a bad history with other people, such as past abusive relationships. I swear my ex was a sociopath. >.> Or just... deranged. XD You can ask him; "Would you murder someone?" and he'd just shrug and say; "Why not". You can try and tell him that it's bad but he just doesn't understand.

 

But hey, I haven't bitched about my ex's on this thread yet so I should do that. lol

My first real relationship that lasted a grueling 3 years... (warning, probably a bit touchy)

 

Dunno why it took me 3 years to find out how much of a dick he was. Or maybe he wasn't a dick to begin with and eventually became a dick. lol I dunno. But the start of our relationship was actually long distance and poly-amorous so he was dating two chicks including me. I was 'whatever' about it, I just wanted to keep him happy. Later on in the year I saw she wasn't treating him right at all and that's when I told him that it might be better off if he left her because it was obviously draining him. He did so and then she obviously just full on hated me for the rest of eternity.

 

But hey, all was well for two or so years. We were fairly close, or at least I thought so at the time. Looking back at it now we weren't close at all. XD I rarely told him anything private about myself, just in fear of how he would react or think. It seems that the only reason the relationship thrived at all was because I wanted to keep him happy, even if that meant I had to sacrifice my time, money, friends, etc. Anyway, we talked about meeting each other in the US and chill with each other for a month. We talked about it plenty of times but only finally went ahead with it at the end of 2015 - start of 2016. A few weeks prior though, we were obviously talking and planning things we'd be doing together and I decided to bring something up with him, telling him I didn't want to get sexually involved yet. To this, he moped and whined and begged and pleaded that we do it and I just wanted him to stop crying so I gave in.

 

The trip happened but to my surprise him and his family organised with my family that us two would get engaged. I wasn't really okay with that, but lo and behold, in the middle of some crowded restaurant on New Year's Eve, he proposes to me. What was I going to do? Say no? Disappoint him, his family, mine, and everyone in the restaurant? No. So I said yes. I didn't feel happy, it all felt wrong. But I was naive and thought this is how things were supposed to go. But then things got worse and he started using physical force to keep me away from doing things, not being violent, just being very possessive, like holding my wrist to keep me still or whatever. And my mental health just drained more and more each day till I came to the point where I was either locking myself in the bathroom to get away from everyone or go out into the street at 11pm. Only then did I realize; "No... this IS wrong". I realized he was a huge hypocrite, possessive, wouldn't be surprised if he didn't actually love me at all and was just keeping me around for the company.

When I got back to Australia, I swear I was going to kiss the ground, it felt so good to be back home. And of course, I broke up with him. I think I was in heartbreak for like... a week or so. And then I got over him real quick. XD

 

I lost a lot of friends, lost respect from a lot of people including my family who just assumed I wanted to waste their money and time. I didn't tell them why I broke up with him. I said it was mutual but I lied of course. People saw me as a gold digger or a slut but whatever. There's a few people who've been supportive with me so that's okay. ^-^ Just a few is all I need.

 

Oh and shortly after we broke up, like, a week later? or something like that, he started dating another chick, long distance again. And only two weeks later did he fly her over to his place to spend time with each other.

Yeahhh... I really doubt he loved me at all. In it for the sex, company, just to have a toy he can throw around and mess with.

 

So since that relationship, I figured out what's a good relationship and what's not. The next relationship was me just dating some guy, to try things out, see how he really was inside and out so I wouldn't make the same mistake of wasting 3 years of my life.

 

And good thing we were just dating, cause hooooly fuck. XD More abusiveness! Hooray! -.-

We were only dating for a month, we were school friends for a year, start dating just around graduation time. I had to move to the other side of the state but I'm cool with long distance. We talked a bit online, but eventually things started slowing. I figured I actually wasn't as interested in him as I thought I was, and he wasn't putting much of an effort in to talk to me either so I guessed it was pretty mutual. Every now and then I tried to hint to him that I wanted to stop dating but he was kind of an oblivious fuck. But I didn't want to outright tell him; "I don't love you, bye" because that would just be terrible and insensitive.

Well eventually he asks me; "Do you still want to date?"

And I'm like; "Wtf do you think I've been trying to say for the past week?"

And immediately, it's like I flipped a fucking switch or something because he went fucking apeshit. Absolutely mad, salty as all fuck, overreacting, pissing and snotting himself over this. Called me a bitch, all sorts of rude slurs. Even though he apparently did supposedly still like me, it sure didn't stop him from being an ass to me. XD So I'm like; "Yeah fuck this, I've dealt with this shit before. I don't need it again" and stopped talking to him. Ever since he's been stalking my shit but I don't even care. lol If he's hurting that's fine by me cause I ain't.

 

And this is a good few stories to explain why I'm single and prefer it that way cause relationships are just too much fucking hassle. XD

[rairii]

I feel like I'm usually the toxic one in the relationship. It doesn't help that I've been friends with the person who posted this:

I have one with my whole family. Not only do I despise every single last one of them, I disowned them a long time ago. I honestly can't wait to cut all ties to them once I move. They'll never see me again. I particularly loath my sister, I honestly hope she and her daughter die a gruesome death.

for over 2 years. It genuinely does bother me that I have such a negative attitude, so I've been avoiding contact with my old "friends" who I feel have been negative influences in my life and I'm trying to improve my attitude. In the end I really just want to be happy and healthy in life, and I want the same for others too.

[Jek Jek Roo]

I will add that in the end, all toxic people I knew and told me I was the toxic one, actually they were the ones who really despited people, always complaining about others and being always "unhappy" or were rather antisocial in general. Or unstable. Everyone was toxic to them, and they didn't see any mistakes they did. And of course they wanted to hunt down an bully the people they didn't like until they were entirely destroyed outta their way. There was so much hate in them.

 

@Username, just saying, only because few people say you're toxic, it doesn't necessarily mean so. Maybe it's a guidance to let you see people you hang out with. I mean for a normal person, behaving like an ass to them is toxic, while for a narcissist, behaving cold and not letting him do what he wants is toxic too.

[rairii]

@Username, just saying, only because few people say you're toxic, it doesn't necessarily mean so. Maybe it's a guidance to let you see people you hang out with. I mean for a normal person, behaving like an ass to them is toxic, while for a narcissist, behaving cold and not letting him do what he wants is toxic too.

 

I don't think anyone's ever told me I'm toxic, only myself. I did have negative influences around me for the better part of 2 years and I regret it a lot, because they actually did have a negative impact on my attitude and I feel like I became really hateful as a result, getting needlessly angry at everyone and everything.

[BTGBullseye]

It's good that you're doing your best to try and keep from being toxic, but don't try so hard that it becomes harmful to you. (it is possible, I've seen it)