Toxic relationships

[Jek Jek Roo]

I think the topic tittle speaks for itself. Do you guys had anything like that? Toxic relationships/friendships happens all the time, it ruins one or both people, or even people around. Sometimes things doesnt work between two people but for some reason they keep together, despite arguining or suffering. Wanne share stories or thoughts on this? Do you know any reasons or guidince how to get rid of them or how to fight it ect? feel free to share anything here.

 

I wanted to start this topic since I coun't find anything also vent/share your feeligs topic seemed like a good place to get rid of some steam, but seriously, now let's talk about this topic seriously.

 

my cool story, if you are interested:

 

 

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Through my life I think I was in many (lets say) friendships that were extremally toxic. I'm not sure if it's the thing with me, or if I fall for wrong people (I'm usually friendly person, but once I get clingy, I really get entitled to one person and can do anything for her, not wanting to go even if I dont enjoy the company). About two years ago I was left by one of my close friend. It was awful for me, yet now as I look at it how our conversations looked I feel a huge relief. We used to share alot, also spending time together. Unfortunatelly she lived in another country, but we kept in contact via skype or steam. We could talk for hours and support each other yet there were moments that were not so good as well, and really ruining my health. For example she was allways right. Imagine a school show off that allawys needs to have A+ and if she gets A- or something she freaks out. At first it's funny or sounds even silly, but as I was with such person, she would call me stupid od act like I was 5 year old kid not understanding life properly. However, if you dared to know something she didin't and if you wanted to share something, she would get offended and call you a show off. Incredible lier and manipulator as well. I used to draw for her and write stories, since we shared one story project and characters. Yet I feel like I did whole work. She was either complaining about her parents or how tired she was, despite later I could see her staying up at late night playing tf2. If I didn't play tf2 with her, she would get offended. Always. I kept saying her that I have life and school as well, but no, she was most important.

 

I think the worst time was when once she went to me and crying and panicking she told me how miserable she is and that she's going to commit a suicide since everyone in school hates her, she has no one and her parents are worst people ever. I know it sounds bad but all of it was... lies. Her parents were trying hard to not let her do stpid things, or lie, she would write bullshit about them on her blog in very mean manner, she had me of course so she wasnt 100% alone, also... about the school, she was a loner since she was allways trying to be to good and was jerk to other people. Yet she would assure you that she was the victim. I comforted her and drew her a nice picture.

 

In the last few months of our relationship I felt kind of left out by her. She kept being offline or 'busy' with school and dealing with parents, and later I could see her playing steam games for late night. Many times I told her to stop playing maybe and talk to me for a while, I wasn't feeling good because of it and all I wanted was some company of her. I used to chat with her many times, yet on that time only saying 'hi' and talk a while was all I needed. She get offended that I'm not like her new steam friends and I allways let her down. What the actual fuck? I decided to take a break form her, but I really felt guilt and sad on that point. She didint care about me, only about gifts and sometimes drawings I made for her. Yet again, soon I realised it was also a lie. After arguing a bit and talking how I actually need some attention from her, she got pissed so much, she blocked me on all sites, skype, steam, all internet pages like Deviantart and others tumblr. After few days she even posted something on her blog. I'm shitting you not: there were photos of my gifts and drawings I made for her, she put them in her parrot's cage for about a week (that means she did it previousy) and took a picture of them. Yes, literaly her parrot bird shit on my art and postcards/gifts. On that moment I realised I really have nothing else to do but leave. I was so pissed since she kept sending me emails and leaving me messages with "you are coward jek, you ruin lifes/have no friends ect..." bullshit like this. Yet after this she was blocking me and I wasn't able to talk back to her. Eventually I contacted one person she knew from school irl and she told me to keep away since she's the biggest jerk ever and she's sorry for everything. I really didint want to held up any longer with this person and I qiuit. Depressed and really let down. After some months I recovered, thanks to help and support of my other irl friends and parents. Yet I'm not the same person now. Things like this may realy fuck you up.

 

I can't say, there were nice moments we shared together, however I can't belive I got into such attention whore and lier at the first place. I feel like this story was not going to end. I wish no one here will even need to deal with thing like this...

 

[rliant1864]

Oh, I had a circle of toxic relationships in high school.

 

The problem was that the toxic person was me.

[Blightmare]

I'm gonna keep it short and omit a lot of details for fear of giving away too much that the person figures out who I am, but years ago I had a toxic online friendship so bad I still have trust issues to this day. My low self-esteem back then and fear of losing a "friend" did nothing to help matters. I tried to silently break off from the friendship since I was too afraid of backlash from them but they kept SOMEHOW tracking me down and sending very strongly worded, guilt-trip messages every time they did. Years ago (I won't say how many) I had to break off any and all ties to my former persona and, well, disappear. New email, new username, never visited the old sites I went to. Literally every tie I had to them had been dropped and forgotten. I lost contact with a lot of people I liked because our one mutual friend was so bad my mental health was suffering and I couldn't take it any longer, and I couldn't risk that person finding out through them.

 

I'm still affected by that. I'm afraid to even get close to new people so any friends I do have are people I trust greatly. I hold no sorrow for what I had to do though. It was either that or resort to... darker thoughts. Thoughts I'm now ashamed I once considered.

[Jeb_CC]

I've had two main toxic relationships... friendships really.

 

 

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One of them... there was a guy, a friend of my boyfriend's. He was VERY smart, funny, all around, a great guy. He was nice, liked the games I did, he was supportive. We became real best friends, for a few weeks, few months. But then, he confessed something to me; "I'm transgender, I'm actually a woman." Rightio. X3 Nothing wrong with that. So I tell him; "Cool! I hope it all works out for you!"

But then... that's all he talked about. Our conversations where no longer about games or life in general, somehow, every single discussion we had, ended in him talking about how much he wants to be a woman. Literally, every conversation, it was so quick to swerve into him going on about the details, the surgery, what he wants, what he does in the meantime to feel like a woman. A few weeks later, I one day called him up - he answered back in the girliest fucking tone. It was... creepy? Like, going from a deep sort of voice saying "Hi!", to a suddenly high-pitched girly; "Heeyyyy!!"

This made me VERY uncomfortable. Cause... it suddenly felt like this person wasn't the person who I first saw and befriended. It felt like I was almost betrayed in a way... because suddenly, their personality was so different, and the things they talked about where so different. I get along with guys more than girls, so suddenly seeing my best friend act completely different, fucking shocked me like an electric chair. Unfortunately, I took it out on him the wrong way. I pretty much dissed the entire transgender race. XD And I regret it, very much. I do not regret leaving that friend though. Every time they talked about their life, and nothing but, I just felt so left out, so avoided. How am I supposed to relate to somebody when all they talk about is their sex change? Unfortunately, because of that toxic relationship, every time I hear about transgenders and what not, I cringe. And I feel so bad. It's not like me to just hate somebody for no good reason. But that's what's happened. I just hope that one day I can get over the feelings and unnecessary hate towards them. Because of one single person... I'm mad at THOUSANDS of other people. And no matter how hard I try, nothing will make my negative feelings go away. Sorry transgenders. X3

 

What I can take from this... because of toxic relationships, our minds get fucked up hard. XD Trust is broken, and struggles to rebuild itself. Because of one person, we struggle to befriend new people. No matter how hard we try, nothing will make the memories disappear.

 

Second story... a current relationship.

 

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Been in a friendship for 2 years now with a girl at my school. Slightly overweight, same height as me, but not bad looking at all, no. For a year or so, we were very inseparable. Best friends at every hour. But recently... she's been... sorta different? She has a large variety of mental and physical disabilities, including depression, and apparently restless-leg syndrome. This year, oh geez, it's been a nightmare. Every day, it's the same thing... "I didn't get any sleep last night.", "I'm going to fail this class...", "No body cares about me." And every time, I'd say something supportive, as a friend would do. Something like; "You're going to be fine! Just do this, and this, and you'll be right back on track." Or similar. But no matter what I say, it's always the same thing, every day. And now, it's gotten to the point where I'm finding it hard to be optimistic when I'm around her. She's a control-freak over my life... whatever I do, she has to know about it. Whatever I say, she has to correct it. Whatever I want, she has to say no. She's dependent on me... which is sweet, but it's getting on my fucking nerves. XD This late half of the year has been pretty terrible... I get told off by her if I walk to the shops without telling her. And according to her, I have no reason to complain about my sleep, because she gets it worse than I do. :I She says this all the time too. "I like... fell asleep at 2am." I'd say, groaning from my tired state. She'd reply; "Oh boohoo, I got 2 hours of sleep last night. Be happy you got 4."

Likee... geez. o.O Sorry! Am I not allowed to vent or express my thoughts? I swear, anything I say, is apparently wrong. I had a massive fight with her a few terms ago in regards to gays... I told her; "Gay should be able to marry. They're like everyone else."

But wow... the stuff that came from her mouth; "Gays should just get over it! They should turn back to normal and stop pretending to be different."

XD I don't regret yelling at her for that. She made me feel so sick that day... disregarding a human trait like that. Problem is, I can't get out of this friendship. Every time I try, I get friends going; "Don't leave her! You're her only friend." "She's got mental disabilities, expect her bitching like that. Just get over it, don't take it too seriously." I've been trying to keep my sanity for a year now. Being around her is depressing for me. I'd LOVE to ditch her, finally have some control over my school life and what I can say and do. But if I do, I'll be shunned by teachers and friends for deserting a mentally disabled person. *sigh* Guess I'm going to have to suffer through this toxic friendship for another whole year. :I

 

[Jek Jek Roo]

  rliant1864 said:

Oh, I had a circle of toxic relationships in high school.

 

The problem was that the toxic person was me.

 

well... fortunetelly there is allways a way to fix it, and think about your behaviour. In this case the most important is understanding from both sides. If you are willing to change or at least be aware of it, it's good I guess. The worst is to be the toxic person and not knowing about it, or avoiding the truth. I knew a person who would rather blame me for telling her that I dont like her. Like seriously, the worst thing to hear from a person you trust I think is "if you don't like me as a friend then leave, I dont need you" kind of thing. This hurts...

 

@Rarity, I feel you. Those kinds of relationships can really fuck up even best person and friend. I myself feel like I got a bit... colder towards new people. Also still suffer from this low self esteem attacks and sometimes I doubt myself but... I bet the best thing would be just move on and learn from it. Like I said, I shared alot of great moments with my toxic friend as well, but things passed and now after a time I look at it as something that lasted, but ended fastly. Fortunatelly. I hope you wont have any problems in the future with those people.

 

@Jeb I am transgender .-. but I assure you not all transgender people are the same, as well not all gay/straight people are the same. Only sometimes people can be assholes and fuck up the whole perception of the certain type of people... Like if you met really asshole gay person, later after such relationship you can start thinking like all gay ppl are assholes. I know it's reasy to say "it's not like that" but sometimes it's hard to overcome such impression that had an impact on us at first. Also sex change is a huge deal, trust me, I strugle with it, but I dont want to worry people with it much. I barely even say that out loud. Also understanding the other person is important, I mean seriosuly... if he wanted to be female, that doesn't change him by personality. It's still the same person though. Unless you belive that there is female personality/ male personality so then fine... Still, the point is that sometimes people can get so toxic and confusing about their own problems and literaly pour their problems and sorrows into other people or worst, into closest friends. Like... nothing else matters but his problems. That's annoying as hell and I bet very draining.

 

Alos Jeb, that second story sounds so... bad. I mean really, I knew people like that, I knew people who had similiar problems with their friends and I ask myself.. where do those people come from. I mean, I understand when someone has problems or depression/needs support, but there should be limit how much you ask for help. Constant attention seeking and draining doesn't help any relationship. You can either tell this straight to that person and hope she may change or work on it, if she gets butthurt and tells you that you are the mean one to you, then I'd leave. You deserve better than this. AND the worst thing is when somoene uses his disability as an excuse to really bitchy behaviour. This is just lazy and not good.

 

I recently got into friendship with a bpd person. That means she is very unstable at some points and out of no where can start seeing you as their worst enemy, although you may know the perso whole life. And... it's hard. Sometimes it's really pain in the ass, since you need to repeat yourself, and give so much with little effect. There is sometimes no trust between us, and really I've allready been through very hatefull moments. I even got called like I'm the bad one since I wanted to help. However after every attack on me I hear geniue apologies and asking to stay and support... nothing else, just some understanding and patience. And I really dont want this person to suffer because of some disability or guilt towards me. That's why I learned to deal with it and somehow understand, also not blame the person too much for what she does. I think it really helps. I just trust her she will not leave me and for some reason I stayed with her for long time. It's like... even if it's hard sometimes, I know it works and we can still work together somehow since both sides understand each other a bit. I'm just greatfull I know this person... but sometimes, some people doesn't see anything bad in their behaviour and keep complaining how everyone is bad to them not seeing their own flaws.

 

but then again, you can meet a toxic person who will only see negative things about themselfes and drain you as well. The best is to know the balance though. But even I fail. I can get really clingy or upset/sad or even depressed when I see my best frined avoiding me or lying to me. I try to not focus too much on my own problems sometimes in normal chat and just stay positive. But I also do mistakes like everyone else.

[K4_Kydure]

I have one with my whole family. Not only do I despise every single last one of them, I disowned them a long time ago. I honestly can't wait to cut all ties to them once I move. They'll never see me again. I particularly loath my sister, I honestly hope she and her daughter die a gruesome death.

[ScottD.Betson]

well i had a toxic relationship with a girl who played me like a fiddle and i feel like shes going to do that with everyone and now shes dating a friend of mine since grade school

I hope she can stop fucking around since if she tries to get back into my life im going 50 Shades of Grey on her and then after im done with her letting be tied to a telephone pole with nothing on

[AP_Pastor]

I met this girl in my class who I would like to call the Acid Queen (that's how I'd describe how toxic she is). I thought she was a friend, until she made me do most of her school stuff, saying she's busy at home. She'd even ask me for money, claiming she's going through financial problems or too busy with other things. She was bullshitting me. I asked her bestfriends about her situation, and it turns out she's never in any financial problem to begin with, and she'd often cut class just to go to her boyfriend for a "date". It pissed me off, especially when she kept doing her charade. I ignored her since then, even blocked her on Facebook. I can only wish I won't have to see her next semester.

 

  ScottD.Betson said:

I hope she can stop fucking around since if she tries to get back into my life im going 50 Shades of Grey on her and then after im done with her letting be tied to a telephone pole with nothing on

 

My sentiments exactly.

[Jek Jek Roo]

@AP_Pastor, sounds like one girl from my class last year, basically she was gf to every guy, and everyone complained that she lied alot and stole money. Meh...Is it me or the girls are the most of the cause of the toxic reletionships? I kind of have feeling like the girls just loves to play with other's emotions and not settle down the problems like real men should. Just... manipulating, playing around and messing up. Idk... Don't listen to me, I just get more and more paranoid over this after all .-.

 

Recently I got into relationship or very deep and bounded friendship with one person... despite we share alot of things together and sometimes we can enjoy each other company or long chats... I feel like the other person isn't happy with me. Which I really can't stand. I'd die, jump into fire, buy her best gifts or spend with her all my free time, yet I feel like I own her much more, since she helped me and supported me, yet every time I try to help or support her, she keeps saying she doesn't deserve any help or she can't be helped, and end up depressed for 5th time in the week. I stayed with her through her hard times, I trully belive in her and that she isn't any special case, and she can be helped, deserving to be happy... and I tried all my best, and different ways to comfort her somehow. Sometimes I really have no idea how to continue it. Recently I told her how much I own her, and how she helped me with many things... however at the time when I asked her if I was any good to her in past time... she just say I had absolutely no impact on her life. Not like I expect anything in return of being nice, spending my time and energy on her, or gifts... but it did hurt, hearing a close friend telling you like you didin't matter at all.

 

I kind of feel I'm no good after all. Or there must be something wrong with me. Since she's a person who can see only in black and white, I'm affraid that I screved up somewhere and despite I'd like to fix it, I can't. I don't want to leave this person, since she means so much, also I'm a pretty lonely and reserved person, despite being open and friendly to most people. Those close to me matters alot and I'd never think of leaving or replacing anyone close to me. It would just ruin me since I'm allready alone. Yet again... what to do if I really feel unhappy because of not feeling needed even by my best friend? I tried to talk and... my every attempt to talk about it ends up with "then go and leave me, find better friends". Yet I feel if I'd leave, I'd be the one to blame.

 

I allways see things, no matter how bad, that can be fixed. Friendship/relationship is not like a toy, that can be thrown away if it's broken. But what to do if the other person doesn't want see any hope? Even toxic relationship... I was told many times that I'm toxic myself, in the matter that I'm clingy and get entitled to people too much, and sometimes annoying or too reserved, but I'm trying hard to work on it. I try to give my friends space and free time to be alone, or kept myself from telling too much or not relate with their emotions... but I think that I am either a terrible person/friend or either... I had no luck finding right people to be friends with.

[Vapymid]

  JekJekRoo said:

I kind of have feeling like the girls just loves to play with other's emotions and not settle down the problems like real men should. Just... manipulating, playing around and messing up.

 

Ah, don't fall into that trap, man. It's easy to succumb to this kind of generalisation and then you'll make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will approach every woman with distrust and that will turn them against you and then it will reinforce your misgivings about women in general. A vicious circle you don't want to get stuck in!

 

There are plenty of good women around. Beautiful, kind, nice, caring, understanding.

 

I think you need to look closely at why did you get involved with those "toxic" ones in the first place. What were you seeking in them?

 

Regards

[Riley Hawk]

The best way to avoid toxic relationships is to avoid relationships.

[Jeb_CC]

That's called being a loner!

Everyone needs relationships and friendships. X3 It's impossible to function without social interaction. It's better to just overcome the bad shit so you can get the good stuff! Otherwise you get nothing, and that's boring as all hell. X3

[BTGBullseye]

  Jeb_CC said:

It's impossible to function without social interaction.

Not true at all! Many people could perform quite well with absolutely no social interaction whatsoever, and have in the past.

[Jeb_CC]

  BTGBullseye said:

  Jeb_CC said:

It's impossible to function without social interaction.

Not true at all! Many people could perform quite well with absolutely no social interaction whatsoever, and have in the past.

 

Fair enough.

I know I at least wouldn't cope being alone for any longer than a mere week! XD

[BTGBullseye]

I would consider a week of total solitude to be a blessing from God.

[Vapymid]

  BTGBullseye said:

I would consider a week of total solitude to be a blessing from God.

 

Well, so would I... but only once a year, maybe. Humans are social animals and we only exist as a species, let alone the dominant species on the planet (apart from microbes and viruses) because of the way we developed our social interactions. Sure, there are outliers (figuratively and literally), exceptions.

 

Riley's nihilism simply does not work on the scale of any community above one individual. Even Jedi could not completely avoid having relationships

 

Regards

[Blightmare]

Even the most introverted and antisocial of people need some human interaction. Social interaction doesn't even need to come in the form of communication. Simply knowing someone is nearby, making eye contact, or walking through areas with other people holds some effect on our psychology. Else we start drawing faces on volley balls and giving them names.

 

I feel like those that say they could go long periods without any human contact have never actually tried. And at the same time putting them in a scenario where they could "prove it" would be pointless because then they're aware they're being studied and the results become skewed.

 

For that matter, a week I do not consider to be a long period. A month, or a year, however is a different story.

[Jek Jek Roo]

  Rarity said:

Even the most introverted and antisocial of people need some human interaction. Social interaction doesn't even need to come in the form of communication. Simply knowing someone is nearby, making eye contact, or walking through areas with other people holds some effect on our psychology. Else we start drawing faces on volley balls and giving them names.

 

I feel like those that say they could go long periods without any human contact have never actually tried. And at the same time putting them in a scenario where they could "prove it" would be pointless because then they're aware they're being studied and the results become skewed.

 

For that matter, a week I do not consider to be a long period. A month, or a year, however is a different story.

 

I can tottaly agree and healtly relationship is a treasure. Some people might beloners. I undesrtad, but don't try to convince me that you can live alone with tottaly no humans around, BTG, seriosuly, if so, I wanne see you living for a year on abandoned island. Such things can break people apart. Anyone needs at least knowing there are some people over there for you.

[BTGBullseye]

  Jek Jek Roo said:

I wanne see you living for a year on abandoned island.

Find me an island to do so, and I'll prove you wrong... Make sure it has the capability of sustaining me for the whole year though. (food, fresh water, etc.)

[Jek Jek Roo]

  BTGBullseye said:

  Jek Jek Roo said:

I wanne see you living for a year on abandoned island.

Find me an island to do so, and I'll prove you wrong... Make sure it has the capability of sustaining me for the whole year though. (food, fresh water, etc.)

 

sorry, I'm busy with life...