Share your feelings!

[Binky The Rabbit]

Jeb, you are wonderful. You win the internet this weekend. <3 And all the +reps if they worked. I also should give my laptop a good clean up.

 

Feeling a little too lazy. Looking forward to gigging tonight, but should get some work done!

[Jeb_CC]

I misread that as 'giggling' and I was VERY confused. XP

I was slightly concerned that you were going to get real drugged up and high. XDD It's all good though.

But thank you! I have the internet award! Hooray!

X3 This site needs fixing. So many active members but no fixing at all.

I've been trying to not complain but eh, I've seen nothing being done about it.

[AP_Pastor]

Feeling great. Skipped my summer class to attend a family friend's wedding. Went home with a bottle of red wine that I won in a little game.

[BTGBullseye]

Snake lick!

Fixed, (don't put a space or move to another line between the URL and the img tags) and what a cute snake!

 

X3 This site needs fixing. So many active members but no fixing at all.

I've been trying to not complain but eh, I've seen nothing being done about it.

Send a PM to the Admins.

[Blightmare]

Feeling... Jealous? Envious? I'm not sure.

 

Self Identity Garbage Ahead:

 

So for a long time I've been internally wrestling with myself and my identity. Gender wise, I honestly don't know what I identify as. I don't know what a gender identity is even supposed to feel like. Whenever asked I just say male because physically that's what I am. But that's always been just a word. A label so people know what pronoun to use for me. If I were to refer to how I FEEL though, neither male nor female seem right to me.

 

Well anyways, recently someone I know finally decided to come out and embrace what they identify as. They said that their entire life their dreams were through the eyes of someone else and they always felt that that person was who they actually were. Every time they saw their reflection in their dream, or spoke, it was the same voice and same look. Well I thought maybe my dreams could hold the answer to what my identity is as well. A far-fetched idea but a better lead than I've had in a while.

 

I thought back to every dream I can remember from every age and I realized something: in my dreams, I don't have a voice. I never speak. I also never see my reflection in anything. As if I'm just a floating invisible ocular that dream entities are aware exist but apparently cannot be seen. And it's frustrating because if my subconscious can't even give me clues as to who I am then what the hell can?

 

I mean I'm happy for them, but I guess I'm just jealous that they have an identity they can embrace while I'm still over here trying to piece myself together like I'm some kinda fucking jigsaw puzzle.

 

I guess for now I remain agender.

 

[Zaraki]

Feeling... Jealous? Envious? I'm not sure.

 

Self Identity Garbage Ahead:

 

So for a long time I've been internally wrestling with myself and my identity. Gender wise, I honestly don't know what I identify as. I don't know what a gender identity is even supposed to feel like. Whenever asked I just say male because physically that's what I am. But that's always been just a word. A label so people know what pronoun to use for me. If I were to refer to how I FEEL though, neither male nor female seem right to me.

 

Well anyways, recently someone I know finally decided to come out and embrace what they identify as. They said that their entire life their dreams were through the eyes of someone else and they always felt that that person was who they actually were. Every time they saw their reflection in their dream, or spoke, it was the same voice and same look. Well I thought maybe my dreams could hold the answer to what my identity is as well. A far-fetched idea but a better lead than I've had in a while.

 

I thought back to every dream I can remember from every age and I realized something: in my dreams, I don't have a voice. I never speak. I also never see my reflection in anything. As if I'm just a floating invisible ocular that dream entities are aware exist but apparently cannot be seen. And it's frustrating because if my subconscious can't even give me clues as to who I am then what the hell can?

 

I mean I'm happy for them, but I guess I'm just jealous that they have an identity they can embrace while I'm still over here trying to piece myself together like I'm some kinda fucking jigsaw puzzle.

 

I guess for now I remain agender.

 

I have a similiar dilemma.

[Jeb_CC]

X3 I'm incapable of understanding how you two feel unfortunately. I act like a guy but I'm complete female and I know it. XD I embrace it. I love it! I'm a twist! A tomboyish dramatic female. X3 Doesn't it sound so odd?

The dreams sounds slightly creepy though. Like... to the point where you can't identify yourself, not even the back parts of your brain? o.O Scary. I've had bad experiences with people who can't... identify themselves. X3 But I'm trying to start a-new. No more of this crap. I'll help in any way I can.

[Blightmare]

I guess it's the opposite for me. I'm incapable of understanding what a gender feels like. As for the dreams, they never really revolved around my inability to identify myself. They were dreams like most would expect, but thinking back I realize that in them I never actually say anything, or see any form of visual representation of myself. I can feel limbs, I can feel all the physical sensations that come with a dream but I never actually see any of what is a part of me. I can say for sure that realizing that is rather unsettling. Maybe the answer is somewhere in my dreams but not as obvious as seeing a simple reflection. Idunno. I could drive myself crazy trying to connect everything. Believe me when I say I wish it was as simple as saying "I'm gonna identify as " and having it be true. Last time I tried that it was followed shortly by "No, who am I kidding?"

 

As for the bad experiences, I'm not sure in what way you experienced them but I'll try to avoid causing any myself. Feel free to refer to me as whatever pronoun makes you comfortable since it really is all the same to me. I appreciate the thought of you wanting to help but I'm certain this is something only I can figure out. Thank you though.

 

Sorry, normally I like to keep this to myself since in the end it's a personal issue but sometimes it just becomes hard to deal with and recent events kinda rekindled that frustration.

[Jeb_CC]

I think you're fine. X3 You're more sane and level-headed than my previous contacts. You're not so hyped up about it and you don't want to share it with everyone in the world. I respect that. XD It's fine if you want to vent it out sometimes though. You'll never be as bad as some other people. X3

"How are you?" -Me

"I'm good." -Them *They then start to talk about their personal life. Like how they did yesterday. And the day before that. Etc. Etc.*

 

You're in the good book. XD

[Binky The Rabbit]

Gender-fluid? It could be that you feel the definitions of 'Male' and 'Female' are too restrictive.

 

In terms of 'understanding what a gender feels like', that is a very interesting point. From a physiological stance, you're probably quite obviously male. But psychologically, sociologically, it's not as clear. What is it to be male? What is it to be female? The typical answers to that are very binary and suggestive of a certain way of living/thinking. But, as can be seen from examples such as Transgender people, how people identify themselves is way more complex than what they have between their legs.

 

You're not alone, though, and not crazy (in the bad sense). Things such Agender-ism are real

[BTGBullseye]

As if I'm just a floating invisible ocular that dream entities are aware exist but apparently cannot be seen.

I get simultaneous 1st and 3rd person views... I still haven't figured out how I'm able to, but it works the same when I try to visualize any situation. (I can't pick just one view, it has to be both at the same time, or it's very hard to maintain the visualization)

 

I'm incapable of understanding what a gender feels like.

So am I... I seriously don't feel like anything specific, just myself. (I do however know I am physically male, and have a sole sexual preference for females)

 

Gender is based on genetics... If you have a Y, you're male. If you don't, you're female. There is no middle ground or 'grey area'.

 

Sexual preference can be any number of combinations varying from attracted to literally everything, to completely without any sexually arousing capabilities whatsoever. Homo/hetero/bi/asexual are all normal human sexual preferences, as are any others that may be felt. (apart from the moronic desire to marry walls) You may or may not feel anything at all. You might be attracted to dumb blond bimbos with fake breasts, or to anyone with an IQ over 140... You'll just have to live your life, and find out as you go. (like everyone else)

 

Gender ≠ Sexual Preference (no matter what the idiots running through the streets in rainbow underwear try to tell you)

 

Maybe the answer is somewhere in my dreams but not as obvious as seeing a simple reflection. Idunno. I could drive myself crazy trying to connect everything.

It could just be that you don't know what you are, and that is being shown in your dreams... You may need to find yourself before you see yourself.

 

One way you might be able to check and see if that is the case, is to just imagine a scenario, like a game, with you as the protagonist... Make it semi-mundane, (like some event you need to prevent from happening, or something bad will happen locally) nothing over-the-top like HL2 or anything, (no wold-saving or fighting alien invasions, that's for the advanced class) and play through it in as comfortable a way as possible, using as little effort as possible, and letting your mind drift through the scenario. After a while, without forcing it, just see if you can gently pass by a window or something reflective, and see what happens. Remember, the more effort you put into it, the less likely it is to work. (don't try to see yourself, just let the reflection show you what it will) If you still can't see yourself, it's most likely the same issue I have with being stuck seeing both 1st and 3rd persona at the same time, and there's nothing to worry about. If you can see yourself, and you're not stressed or putting any effort into the illusion, just comfortably daydreaming, then you might have the issue I mentioned. (which also is nothing to worry about, most people never fully know themselves)

 

I started doing myself whenever I felt stressed, and it very quickly was apparent that I was essentially dropping into a semi-trance state. (not like you see in movies, you can't influence a person's mind in this state any more than you can when they're not in the trance) It is a method very similar to that which some psychiatrists use for patient stress relief, and is also one of the easiest ways to get used to the feeling of lucid dreaming. (so that when it happens, you don't accidentally wake instead of control your dream)

 

Feel free to refer to me as whatever pronoun makes you comfortable since it really is all the same to me.

Can I call you "organically sentient robot with a Y chromosome"?

 

I act like a guy but I'm complete female and I know it. XD I embrace it. I love it! I'm a twist! A tomboyish dramatic female. X3 Doesn't it sound so odd?

Standard farmgirl-type... Not dissimilar to my Mom. (compliment)

 

OT: Tired and slightly frustrated that I couldn't sleep.

[Blightmare]

It could just be that you don't know what you are, and that is being shown in your dreams... You may need to find yourself before you see yourself.

 

One way you might be able to check and see if that is the case, is to just imagine a scenario, like a game, with you as the protagonist... Make it semi-mundane, (like some event you need to prevent from happening, or something bad will happen locally) nothing over-the-top like HL2 or anything, (no wold-saving or fighting alien invasions, that's for the advanced class) and play through it in as comfortable a way as possible, using as little effort as possible, and letting your mind drift through the scenario. After a while, without forcing it, just see if you can gently pass by a window or something reflective, and see what happens. Remember, the more effort you put into it, the less likely it is to work. (don't try to see yourself, just let the reflection show you what it will) If you still can't see yourself, it's most likely the same issue I have with being stuck seeing both 1st and 3rd persona at the same time, and there's nothing to worry about. If you can see yourself, and you're not stressed or putting any effort into the illusion, just comfortably daydreaming, then you might have the issue I mentioned. (which also is nothing to worry about, most people never fully know themselves)

 

I started doing myself whenever I felt stressed, and it very quickly was apparent that I was essentially dropping into a semi-trance state. (not like you see in movies, you can't influence a person's mind in this state any more than you can when they're not in the trance) It is a method very similar to that which some psychiatrists use for patient stress relief, and is also one of the easiest ways to get used to the feeling of lucid dreaming. (so that when it happens, you don't accidentally wake instead of control your dream)

I'll give this a try. Hopefully my ADHD won't make it too hard. (Once during a relaxation exercise I started to panic because I couldn't hold onto the mental image we were asked to visualize XD) I understand what this exercise is trying to do though. If I'm correct it's trying to coax the subconscious into revealing something about yourself by giving it situational blanks to fill in. I can see how trying too hard would be detrimental.

 

Can I call you "organically sentient robot with a Y chromosome"?

Lol, I meant in terms of he/she/they. I mean if you want to I'm not gonna stop you but no way I'm keeping a straight face if addressed as that. XD

 

Sometimes I wish I can just talk to my subconscious and ask "Yo, what the fuck." But I guess I just have to keep trying.

 

Anywho, enough derailing with talk of my innards being a doof.

I'm feeling pretty good today. My flu is starting to fade and I'm finally somewhat rested.

[Binky The Rabbit]

Despite feeling guilty that I didn't do any work today, I feel happy that my bass amp delivered, the guy was pleasantly surprised by its power.

[Jeb_CC]

@Rarity. I am your mother.

...nah. Doesn't have the same ring to it as "father" does. X3

Feeling: Clogged? I woke up from a nightmare and my throat feels blocked and ugh.

[Blightmare]

Mixed parts sad and happy. Sad because the new Silent Hills game looks to be canceled but happy because Bloodborne got a patch so the load screens are no longer the real punishment of death. (Longer than most still but well within acceptable bounds. I don't have to plan out my farming strategies to account for load times anymore.) The patch also seems to have smoothed out the framerate so I'm all kinds of happy about that.

[BTGBullseye]

I'll give this a try. Hopefully my ADHD won't make it too hard. (Once during a relaxation exercise I started to panic because I couldn't hold onto the mental image we were asked to visualize XD) I understand what this exercise is trying to do though. If I'm correct it's trying to coax the subconscious into revealing something about yourself by giving it situational blanks to fill in. I can see how trying too hard would be detrimental.

I have ADHD as well... This method, after a bit of practice, is probly the only one that works for ADHD. And yes, you are correct about it's modus operandi.

 

OT: Tired and hungry.

[Jeb_CC]

Feeling currently discouraged and disgusted after I managed to re-capture/flash-back a terrible moment in my life. X3

Every time I think about it, it causes me to boil up in anger and makes me want to punch a wall. Or a face. That'd make me happier. Yeaaahh...

[Zaraki]

Feeling currently discouraged and disgusted after I managed to re-capture/flash-back a terrible moment in my life. X3

Every time I think about it, it causes me to boil up in anger and makes me want to punch a wall. Or a face. That'd make me happier. Yeaaahh...

I got pretty bad memories too but i try not to think about them.When i do,i get depressed and sad instead of angry(my aging calmed me down significantly).

[BTGBullseye]

Currently feeling bland. I have no emotional sense at this moment, merely this strange sense of anticipation of me performing an action which I have not yet decided to do.

[AP_Pastor]

Feeling currently discouraged and disgusted after I managed to re-capture/flash-back a terrible moment in my life. X3

Every time I think about it, it causes me to boil up in anger and makes me want to punch a wall. Or a face. That'd make me happier. Yeaaahh...

I got pretty bad memories too but i try not to think about them.When i do,i get depressed and sad instead of angry(my aging calmed me down significantly).

I get that feeling a lot, especially during these past weeks. Depression, sadness, anger, and jealousy rolled in one. Makes me wanna scream at the top of my lungs.