Vent

[Average Internet Guy]

god DAMN i'm unremarkable. I am society's definition of the "gold standard" for americans. Nothing really makes me angry, even the things that I know I should be upset about. I feel like I'm a simulacrum of a normal human being, almost like a placeholder or a background character in someone else's story, just lifelike enough to pass off as real at a glance. Fitter, Happier by Radiohead comes to mind.

[Jeb_CC]

Thankfully I've never started one. I just don't like the idea of being that close with someone. I'm perfectly fine with friendships but when it comes to romantic relationships there's this expectation that the other person should fully understand you. That never happens. The relationships I've seen from the outside look like the most miserable things ever. Oh sure they say they love each other but it's a facade. When it comes to actually understanding each other they just talk past each other and do things which would upset the other person without them knowing. Not anything serious like cheating but It's like talking to a two headed dragon. They are together out of obligation. Their "love" is the most fake thing I've ever seen.

 

And when it comes to me can I expect a person to even like me enough to date me of all people? I'm not a nice person, I'm a cold hearted critic and who'd want to be with that? I'm not someone who you can look to to offer warmth and comfort which comes in a relationship like that. I'm an extremely uncomfortable person because I find the very notion of comfortability to be distressing. Nothing changes and nothing gets done when you're comfortable. Comfort is like an Alcohol IMO. It blinds you to everything around you, distorts your sense of self and compels you to do absolutely nothing.

 

To put it bluntly I'm destined to be alone and I'm perfectly fine with that. I will not contend with lies and false senses of security that romantic relationships come with.

Very interesting point of view. Thanks for sharing, Helio. I totally get this: "When it comes to actually understanding each other they just talk past each other and do things which would upset the other person without them knowing." Yeah this can be annoying.

 

For me it's just that I can barely deal with myself, let alone a whole other person. XD Like, I got a job to do, my hobbies to keep up with. Every-time I've gotten with somebody, they've been a distraction. I mean a pleasant one at times, but I want to do my OWN things, not follow someone around. And there's always that pressure to please your loved one and keep them happy, and I just don't want to deal with that. Relationships are also DAMN FREAKING EXPENSIVE!!! XD HOLY SHIT. But seriously, I want to draw what I want, want to play what I want, want to eat what I want, want to do what I want. All my past relationships, my partner has always had something negative to say about how I do things.

"Draw less!"

"Talk to less guys!"

"Play this game."

"Be more open."

I'm just... XD Nope. Nopeing out of that one.

 

In other words; I'M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO (WO)MAN! XD

[Heliocentrical]

Relationships overall just aren't fun. Like I've flirted with you in the past but we aren't a thing because of it. I was just goofing around and having fun. Why does it need to be serious? Are we still living in the 19th freaking century and thus I have to court every woman that comes my way? Fuck Chivalry and Romanticism. I don't know why that archaic way of thinking still persists today. It's ridiculous.

[Psychotic Ninja]

hS6GLrM0mVA

[Vapymid]

"Draw less!"

Dammit... Jeb, dear - who said that?

 

Regards

[Jeb_CC]

"Draw less!"

Dammit... Jeb, dear - who said that?

 

Regards

Uhh, well... my US bf wanted me to go on forums less and draw less so I'd play more games with him. And my current date keeps asking for my attention and keeps wanting to play games. XD Ugh. I'm glad I'm going away for a few days.

[AP_Pastor]

^if he's gonna tell you to play the piano less, you want me and Vapy to give him a little "talk"? We can persuade him otherwise.

[Vapymid]

Eeehhh... I knew he was psychopathic and selfish but suggesting you do less of your art is just so insane...

 

He'd have become my personal enemy just for that alone... But he already is my personal enemy for other reasons, so I guess that's just that...

 

But, darling - you don't owe anyone your attention and time. Don't give in to any nagging or begging - do what you want and please. That boy can play his games with his mates just as easily.

 

Ah, but your art is so amazingly lovely... And that Yarra's drawing, mmm

 

Regards

 

P.S. Oh, hehe - yes - what AP says!

[Jeb_CC]

@AP_Pastor: XD Nah man, it's good.

@Vappy: But yeah, being single is GREAT. Just to think though, if I can get my own house, no family, no partner. It's just.... ME. Oh my gosh, I drool at the thought. Just a beautiful loneliness, where I don't have to please anybody but myself.

 

But another vent; I hate Asian culture. Call me an uncultured swine but it's far too traditional than it needs to be. It's all built around respect, but not respect for what somebody does, but simply what their status is. If they're older than you, you immediately have to fucking bow down to them and kiss their feet. They could be a worthless piece of shit who did nothing with their life, but you still have to 'respect' them, and do whatever they say and comply with whatever they want. It's fucking stupid. I REFUSE to respect my older Asian relatives until they do something that deems them respect-worthy. And they're not doing a good job of it.

Like when they kick all the children off the couches and make them sit on the floor, not even letting them grab another chair to sit down on, just so all the older people can sit on the couches and feel all high, mighty, and powerful.

Or recently, kicking me out of my room that I was supposed to be sharing with an older Asian relative, to make me sleep in the living room because of some bullshit reason that I can't possibly see how it's a legit reason at all. Really I just think they kicked me out so they could have their own room. But they're in my fucking house, in my fucking room. I was out camping for three days, I slept in the backseat of my car for three days, and I come back home and have to sleep in the living room because someone wanted me to?

 

I just want... to move out... and out of this fucking state. Omg.

[Vapymid]

Ah, you're right, dear... Getting you out of there can't happen a moment too soon...

 

Regards

[Blightmare]

I feel like the only person left on the planet who still realizes that everyone who gets criticized as a liberal (or "libtard", the new "commie bastard") is not actually a liberal. Like, the "regressive left" and "SJW's" are not following liberal ideas. With all the lynch mobs, thought policing and censorship they're more authoritarian than anything.

 

This is why I hate politics. No one knows what anything means anymore and it's turned into a shouting contest between the extremist left and the extremist right and people like me more center than anything are stuck here wondering what the fuck is wrong with everyone. Communication is gone, fact checking and research is gone, thinking for yourself is gone.

 

If this keeps up then I wouldn't be surprised to one day walk outside and see someone watering their plants with gatorade to give them electrolytes.

[Descriptor]

I feel like the only person left on the planet who still realizes that everyone who gets criticized as a liberal (or "libtard", the new "commie bastard") is not actually a liberal. Like, the "regressive left" and "SJW's" are not following liberal ideas. With all the lynch mobs, thought policing and censorship they're more authoritarian than anything.

 

This is why I hate politics. No one knows what anything means anymore and it's turned into a shouting contest between the extremist left and the extremist right and people like me more center than anything are stuck here wondering what the fuck is wrong with everyone. Communication is gone, fact checking and research is gone, thinking for yourself is gone.

 

If this keeps up then I wouldn't be surprised to one day walk outside and see someone watering their plants with gatorade to give them electrolytes.

That's why I consider myself a radical moderate. If the crazy people on either side get be loud and stupid and steal the spotlight, then the reasonable people need to learn how to do it too.

[Psychotic Ninja]

 

If this keeps up then I wouldn't be surprised to one day walk outside and see someone watering their plants with gatorade to give them electrolytes.

 

GFD2ggNxR1g

[Heliocentrical]

I feel like the only person left on the planet who still realizes that everyone who gets criticized as a liberal (or "libtard", the new "commie bastard") is not actually a liberal. Like, the "regressive left" and "SJW's" are not following liberal ideas. With all the lynch mobs, thought policing and censorship they're more authoritarian than anything.

 

This is why I hate politics. No one knows what anything means anymore and it's turned into a shouting contest between the extremist left and the extremist right and people like me more center than anything are stuck here wondering what the fuck is wrong with everyone. Communication is gone, fact checking and research is gone, thinking for yourself is gone.

+1 That pretty much sums up my opinion on politics in general. Politics has this implicit toxicity to it all since people often ascribe it as part of their identity. When people care about identity enough to make it a part of very their being they can effectively dismiss any sort of constructive criticism as a personal attack.

 

Logic, open mindedness, good discussion dies within the realm of politics. Nothing good can come from politics at this point and it's only going to get worst. The best thing we can do is sit tight and hope the stupidity of it all doesn't make us collectively slit our wrists as a means of escaping this endless torment.

[Selfsurprise]

The sequel to The Lost Crown STILL isn't out yet. I've been looking forward to the release of it for years now and it was initially set to come out in december last year. According to some enterprising fans of Darkling Room games on Steam who got in contact with the developer Jonathan Boakes, the game is all but finished but it's release has been delayed due to an onset of illness afflicting Mr. Boakes. I have an enormous amount of respect for Boakes and I wish him a swift recovery, but even as rabid a convert to his back catalogue of games thinks the publicity and promotion around this most anticipated title has been a bit of a faff.

[Jeb_CC]

 

 

Taken from some dude's DeviantArt journal.

Uuuhhhmm, what the fuck did I just read? Jesus Christ, I've never seen so much salt in so little paragraphs before!

[Blightmare]

 

Taken from some dude's DeviantArt journal.

Uuuhhhmm, what the fuck did I just read? Jesus Christ, I've never seen so much salt in so little paragraphs before!

Guilt tripping your watchers: the fastest way to lose them.

 

OT: It never ceases to amaze me just how many people still unironically use the "fight me in real life" "argument". Like, so what? You can beat me up in real life. Too bad that's completely irrelevant to the current situation, but um... good job?

 

Like, there's 0 validity to that because it's a hypothetical situation they claim they'd win. I mean I can do that too, anyone can. If I met them in real life and they were tied to a chair and I had a gun I'd win that encounter. Doesn't change anything. It's really extra pathetic when you think about it because not only are they not smart enough to hold up a discussion but they're not even smart enough to come up with a win scenario that's creative.

 

Funny how I'm even ranting about this considering I was only reading the exchange between 2 people. I guess "fight me irl" is my trigger phrase lol.

[Heliocentrical]

LBrEmDSy5sk

 

Well, I feel sick to my stomach. I've made a concerted to stay out of politics. Participation is pointless and I don't care to be apart of what amounts to little more than pissing contests amongst extremist ideologues. But now its affecting gaming and that's my fucking wheelhouse. I didn't ask for any of this... fuck.

[Jeb_CC]

Who wants a super long rant about relationships that turns into some weird self-motivational speech? XD

 

 

So recently I've finally gotten the over-attached date off my back, told him honestly that it wasn't possible for me to start/continue a relationship because I realized I'm not the relationship type. For a month we barely talked, he was either playing games, or I was drawing, or he was sleeping, or I was sleeping. And I figured if he didn't even send me that many messages, we must have been pretty mutually uncaring about our dating status. So when he asked me if I was still interested, I said no. And he just chucked an absolute shit and a half. XD He was PISSED, throwing all manner of slurs and rude comments at me whilst I'm just all :I. Worst part was, the comments he were making about me were barely true at all, he was just assuming and making shit up. Like; "You're an idiot for not talking to anyone about your problems."

Or; "I can see why your last boyfriend broke up with you."

Just completely unnecessary comments that weren't true. Like for 1. I do talk to people about my problems. But only very few, since only very few need to hear about it.

And 2. I broke up with my last boyfriend, he didn't break up with me. >.> And it was an abusive relationship. So spitting out that my abusive hypocritical over obsessive and possessive boyfriend broke up with me just throws all my efforts out the window. It took me months to get my ex out of my life, I wasn't going to be trodden on about it.

Then he starts the guilt-tripping, continues pointing out every single one of my flaws, tells me every single way I need to improve (as if we were going to continue a friendship...), etc, etc, etc.

 

And then after all this, he actually apologizes, and wants us to be friends again. Fuck that! XD I'm sick of being trodden on and used, all my life I've befriended people who threw shit at me and I was always too selfless to do anything about it. I've been guilt-tripped, insulted, abused, tossed around, but no fucking more! When this 'date' started cussing at me, I didn't even feel anything. Sad that I've actually become kinda fucking used to it. The moment those words came out of his mouth, it's like I completely lost all sense of compassion for him. Let's just say, I was calm, but I wasn't necessarily held back by my sense of; "don't be mean" morals. But it felt GOOD. For once I said something back and it felt like instant karma sitting on my tongue. For once I wasn't going to give in to; "Oh poor you, I'll help you (despite you abusing me)". For once I went; "FUCK IT".

 

Later he goes; "I'll forgive you if you forgive me." To which I reply; "Forgive me? Who said I wanted forgiveness?" Because honestly, I was a bitch back to him, I know it. XD But I don't feel guilty at all! He got what he gave. I wasn't prepared to let him slip past, re-friend him and be his little thing that he could possess and use. I'm sick of that. Whenever I forgave somebody for being sickly rude to me they would just go and do it all over again a few weeks later.

 

On the night of New Year's, I vowed to myself that I would get rid of anything and everything toxic in my life. That I would start my own life built on the things I wanted and stop caring for those who didn't deserve it. All these years, I've been stowing away my anger and distrust, I have these frequent nightmares of being trapped, and I'm 90% sure my depression started because of it all. Well NO MORE! 2017, I'm going to fucking own you. You're going to be my BITCH. <3

Of course, I'm not going to turn into a massive jerk, I still have plenty of actually decent friends who I care for and feel completely loyal to. But for those who think they have a chance at using me, they can just fuck right off! No more being used, no more putting up with people like that. Now whenever someone thinks they can insult me or fuck with me, I'm going to let Miss.Retaliation come back at full fucking swing. > And once I'm done, I'll remove them from my life and be done with it. No guilt, no revenge plotting, I'll be done.

 

...Unless it's on the forum. I'm a moderator, I can't backlash on the forum. XD I'll hold it in then.

 

[Heliocentrical]

I'm proud of you Jeb, you've taken your first step into the dark side. Feels good doesn't it?

 

In this world there are only two kinds of people, people who use fear and the people who fear. I was in the latter for a long time. It was just in my nature to be a "good boy who does what he's told.". Then I realized I needed to start making people fear me in order to gain some form of a foothold or be destined for lifelong servitude. Then on a fateful day a disgruntled person yelled at me in a rather spiteful tone and then oh boy did I have a field day with him. Before I screamed straight back at him I felt a shift or more like a snap in my head. Then Not only did I let him feel the full brunt of me shrieking back at him I made sure it stung, like a branding iron to his ass cheek. Before I knew it he was on the floor trembling as I starred at him in the dead center in his pupils. eventually he started he started crying and to this day I still relish the moment when I had broken a man whom had broken me countless times before.

 

My writing's getting pretty good don't ya think? I should start writing novels. I think I'd be pretty good at it.