Vent

[AP_Pastor]

I hate myself. What else can i say? i just fucking hate my life. To keep it short: I feel useless everywhere I go, I can't do anything right, i'm SO different among my peers, they could mistake me for a fucking autistic when they see me. Most of my so-called friends in college are snobs who only know my name when they need something from me. They look like they're enjoying life, while I'm trying make mine better. I'm trying not to let all my problems get into my head, BUT IT'S SO FUCKING HARD! If only saying every swear word can solve my problems, i'd be shouting them out to the top of my lungs by now.

 

I'm sorry if my rant/vent seems silly or melodramatic to some, things have been shit lately, especially with myself. I can't find anything good to say about myself anymore. Depression I guess, I don't know.

[BTGBullseye]

I can't find anything good to say about myself anymore.

Then let us say some for you...

 

1. You are very easy to get along with.

2. You're friendly.

3. You are on this site, and that's worth a lot.

4. You aren't a dick. Ever.

5. You aren't alone.

6. You have friends here, and we don't act like the 'friends' you mentioned. (usually)

 

Now I'll let someone else cheer you up more... I'm not very good at it obviously.

[Jeb_CC]

X3 I'm probably worse at emotional support. But I can try.

 

*grasps AP's shoulder* Look at me. You are a god-damn beautiful specimen of a human creature. You deserve all the goodness, no matter what you do or where you are. You think you're useless at times, but trust me, you have helped someone before. Numerous times. Different people. Even if it feels like everything is against you, believe me, you are worth everything good. You are a very kind individual, and one of the most peaceful users of the forum. You're admired for that. It's true dammit. You can't tell me otherwise!!

[Zaraki]

I hate myself. What else can i say? i just fucking hate my life. To keep it short: I feel useless everywhere I go, I can't do anything right, i'm SO different among my peers, they could mistake me for a fucking autistic when they see me. Most of my so-called friends in college are snobs who only know my name when they need something from me. They look like they're enjoying life, while I'm trying make mine better. I'm trying not to let all my problems get into my head, BUT IT'S SO FUCKING HARD! If only saying every swear word can solve my problems, i'd be shouting them out to the top of my lungs by now.

 

I'm sorry if my rant/vent seems silly or melodramatic to some, things have been shit lately, especially with myself. I can't find anything good to say about myself anymore. Depression I guess, I don't know.

I feel exactly the same way ever since yesterday after an argument with my dad.

I ain't got anyone to talk to who could possibly understand me.

HELL.I'm MUCH clumsier today than usual.

AND our water supply has gone passive-aggressive.I can't even take a fucking shower in this heat.

 

 

Somebody.Get a gun and SHOOT me already.I DON'T CARE ABOUT MYSELF ANYMORE.

Yeah.My sanity is pretty much screwed at this point.

[AP_Pastor]

Don't we all wanna shoot ourselves. All that aside, I really appreciate the gesture, BTG and Jeb. You're all good people. Again, I apologize if my vent sounds very melodramatic, or if it looks like i'm seeking attention, I could've done it better.

[BTGBullseye]

As said, this is the thread specifically for that sort of thing. You need to get it out, this is where you do it, and don't worry about how it sounds to others. And definitely don't apologise for doing it!

[Jeb_CC]

My vent: Geez. My parents are a freaking mess. They've been together for 13 years, and my mum keeps threatening to break up. :I She has no idea how it might affect me. If she leaves, I either go with her, or stay with my dad. My dad is a lazy shit, so I know I'll be doing 98% of the house work. If I go with Mum, there goes my sweet ass internet and my quick access to work. I'm freaking fine with both of them here, why does mum think it's fine to just suddenly say; "I'm going to break up with your dad." Like, holy fuck. Thanks?? Either way, I'm screwed to no relief. :I Goodbye happy life. I'll see you in 2 years I guess when I'm done with school. If I even make it that far. Without work, I'm foodless. Without internet, I'm friendless. I'm going to suuffeeerrr... Can't she just wait for me to finish Grade 12?? Holy hell. I just wish my parents would acknowledge my existence respectively and respectfully.

Hopefully mum doesn't actually go through with it... If she does, I'll probably stay with Dad. He's jobless, been trying to find a job in the state with the highest unemployment rate, fuck the system, and mum thinks she has the right to complain. I hate both of them, GAH! I have a life too!! They tell me to gain weight, as if it will magically make me gain 5kg's. I'm like... Alive... Because I have a job. I don't need the stress of suddenly divorced parents. GRAGHH... *punches wall*

 

Rant over.

[Blightmare]

Now to add my family rant. Lovely how dysfunctional family is becoming the norm in society.

 

My aunt is in a really bad spot. She's become a HEAVY alcoholic, and my cousin's only 12. My uncle is fucking useless in all of this because he just runs away from all of it, spending most of his life at work to avoid my aunt and avoid taking responsibility for my cousin. several months ago my aunt got diagnosed with a leaky heart valve and needs surgery to repair it, so what does she do? she practically triples her alcohol intake. Just 2 days ago she was checked into the hospital with chest pains. Turns out it was, what do you know, the alcohol. Her damn blood/alcohol level was 0.2% and she couldn't even speak. I'm about ready to call child protective services myself because my cousin does not need to be going through this.

 

And my uncle needs to wake the fuck up and realize that by avoiding the problem he's become part of it.

 

I must have dodged a serious bullet being like the only person in my family that hates the sensation of being drunk. I do drink, but it's like 1 to 2 times a month if at all and when I do it's almost always 1 drink then I'm done.

[AP_Pastor]

Mind if i add mine?

 

My brother's being an ungrateful bastard to my parents. Just last year, my dad found out he dropped out of college, just a year shy of graduating. He enrolled in a culinary school just for the sake of finishing his academics, and because he's a freak for cooking. That would have made my brother be thankful to my parents because he got to do the thing he loves doing right? He became more of an asshead then. Getting into heated arguments with my mom and sister over things, making my dad worry too much by not being home at the right time, making me stay up to 1 to wait for him at times, stinking of alcohol.

 

If he's gone too far, I am willing to give him a KO if it means putting some sense to him, and i mean that. I'm getting tired of his shit. I feel sorry for my dad for having to wait late in the night for my brother to come home when he should be having a good night's rest.

[Psychotic Ninja]

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW! This dude. This fucking dude, He's making SFM animations. You can tell he tries. You can tell he improves. Most of his videos are in the thousands. Hell, one of his videos has almost three million views. He has 16 thousand subscribers. Comments, bloody comments! What am I doing wrong/different? D-do I need to make short 5-15 videos? Do I need to do FNAF videos like him? Is that the big secret? FNAF?

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1jAO2hJGFJA54doCR9tg_A/videos who I'm talking about.

 

No really, it pisses me off that I'm working my butt off on animations, and I get jack shit for it, meanwhile others are doing the same (more or less) and are getting praised for it. On the side, I'm uploading other videos (right now I'm doing a FF7 challenge). So far, I only have one person cheering me on when I upload the challenge videos. This dude, this fucking dude is getting praise on all of his videos. I know I shouldn't be comparing my life to others, but it fucking sucks seeing others, my age or younger who have their shit together. Those who are making a living doing what they love, those who are happy at work, even if it really isn't what they want to do in the long run. I am not expecting to be the next Pewdiepie (The making millions just to upload videos side). I just want to make a fucking living, and be happy. Is that too much to ask? Really? Haven't I suffered long enough? How many more years? Huh? HOW MANY?!

What. The. Fuck.

 

I-I feel like a fucking broken record. This shit has been happening to me for years, I've vented about this multiple times (at least once here, maybe twice). I feel like I've tried everything and gotten nowhere. I feel like I'm in a hallway, with a locked door. Beyond the door is a better life. I can see the keys to unlock the door, but I can just never reach them. They've been in front of me for years but I can't do a fucking thing, because it's locked behind a password, which I need to figure out, and I'm not given a single fucking hint. I see others, friends, family, strangers, who are either handed the key, a hint to the password, or the password itself, and their lives are pretty much no different than me. Hell, many of them have already gone past the door. I need something, a clue, hint, something, anything. All I have left to lose is a place to live, and my TF2 items, which is basically 3 keys, and 2-3 scrap. Or $7. I have $7 grand total, maybe $8-9 if you count my change. That's all the fucking money I have in the world, and most of it is in TF2. Fuck my life, it fucking sucks. I swear everything I try falls apart, sometimes even before I get a fucking chance to start it.

 

Hell, when I did have the job, before I could really truly get my life started, other shit would get in the way, preventing me from saving money. Things like my headset dying (so I had to buy a replacement, and that one died real quickly, first time in my entire life where I had a headset die that quickly. Never needed a warranty. Never expected that to happen. Had to buy gas (which is normal). The spacebar on my previous keyboard stopped working, so I bought a new one. It's like the world doesn't want me to succeed.

 

Hell today (well, actually Friday) my earbuds died on me during my walk. Fucking great. My dad gave me $20 because my parents are going to be gone for their anniversary. The intent? Supper Friday, and lunch Saturday. That aint happening. Wanna know why? Because I bought new earbuds, with enough money for supper tonight. Great fucking timing on my earbuds dying. Thank you for another shit, life. When I told my dad about my earbuds dying, he just laughed and said "that's what earbuds do". That laughter? That basically was him saying "get a job then". Great fucking plan dad. I don't care for the show, but this is basically me:

 

 

(You can also replace 'job' with 'girlfriend' when my parents bring that topic up.)

[BidetoftheDead]

My Vent: People on the Bethesda forums are stubborn as fuck. Literally just a bunch of people who are upset that Skyrim didn't have acrobatics and athletics in it because Morrowind and Oblivion did. They refuse to actually learn that both skills were entirely useless and were a headache and a waste of time to grind.

 

Acrobatics had no actual function in Morrowind or Oblivion, it was just abusing exploits and trainers to level a useless skill for who knows what reason. There was no platforming segments, no jumping puzzles, no way to actually make the skill useful.

 

Then you have athletics. In Morrowind athletics just made walking bearable because players always start at a snail's pace, in Oblivion it meant how much stamina would drain pure level, it was a big pain in the ass to control walking/running on a controller.

 

Their excuse for it to cover up it wasn't in the previous games? It's good for role-play. How in the fuck is a skill that has no practical use "good for role-playing" they could add in accounting, pottery, brewing and so many other skills that would have more of a use then athletics and acrobatics.

[Alyxx Thorne]

As said, this is the thread specifically for that sort of thing. You need to get it out, this is where you do it, and don't worry about how it sounds to others. And definitely don't apologise for doing it!

As long as the posts follow the forum rules, you can rant about anything.

[Seattleite]

Okay, so this isn't 100% vent, but it's got enough vent in it that I can't post it anywhere else.

 

So, to start off, I need to explain something. Something that isn't exactly a secret and I've mentioned it before, but also could be missed. My girlfriend is mentally ill. And I don't mean "She has a couple personality or temperament flaws she pretends are an illness as an excuse not to work on them.", because that's my mother's thing. I also don't mean "She's actually perfectly fine but was convinced by a quack doctor who isn't at all a doctor and even calling him a quack is somewhat generous that there was a problem with her as an excuse to sell her drugs.", because that's my brother and sister's thing. No, I mean she's ACTUALLY mentally ill. Like, she is not considered legally competent and is under her sister's guardianship. Something I have strongly mixed feelings about, but that's a whole other story.

 

Now, as a quick word of advice: The #1 rule of dating a mentally ill woman is that you never mention, EVER, that you are dating a mentally ill woman. The reason why? Look at what happened when I just did it, how repulsed you are right now, because I said my girlfriend was mentally ill, and especially after I mentioned she is not considered legally competent. And how your immediate kneejerk reaction is to assume I'm taking advantage of her, that I'm just using her for sex, entirely because she's mentally ill and you assume that means I can't actually care about her, and further because of what you think mentally ill means. And for the record, if you are actually having this reaction? Your idea of what "mentally ill" means bears no resemblance to what "mentally ill" actually means.

 

You're probably picturing some drooling, gibbering moron who thinks the moon landing was a hoax because there is no moon and Obama is a reptile sent by the Illuminati. Somebody who couldn't find their ass with both hands, probably somebody who in addition to being crazy is also severely retarded and should never be allowed to decide anything about anything, from finances to romance, and is incapable of meaningfully consenting. That is NOT the definition of "mentally ill". Very, VERY few mentally ill people actually fall into that category, and not all people in that category are even mentally ill. For starters, mental illness and mental handicaps are NOT the same thing and you can totally have one without having the other. Second, there is an ENORMOUS spectrum there, and a lot of reasons why somebody might not be considered legally competent, most of which don't actually have anything to do with actual day to day competence.

 

My girlfriend is the perfect example of why the standard image of mental illness is complete bullshit. She is, 99% of the time, entirely competent. So most of the time, the only signs of her mental illness are being a bit melancholy, always trying to hide it, and rapidly switching between needing a lot of attention and needing a lot of space. Character traits shared by EVERY WOMAN I HAVE EVER DATED. And also, EVERY WOMAN I HAVE NEVER DATED. Okay, slight exaggeration there, but that's not exactly a rare set of character traits, and everybody knows it. She's also highly intelligent, introverted and has no social skills, so there's some things she and I have in common.

 

Her actual mental illnesses, people have HUGE misconceptions about as well. She's paranoid, but that doesn't mean she believes in the Illuminati, or Reptile Government or any of that crap. The only conspiracies she believes in are the ones there's actual evidence for. (You know, like the NSA spy program? Yeah, we both knew about that before it was publicly confirmed. See also: COINTELPRO, MKULTRA, Citizens United, CISPA, NAFTA and the TPP. Just to name a few.) She also is schizophrenic. That does NOT mean she has a second evil alter-ego, schizophrenia has NOTHING AT ALL to do with dissociative identity disorder. Instead, she only has significant hallucinations during occasional episodes, which only come every couple months and only last a day or two, are usually triggered by something and mostly involve extreme depression and hallucinations of dead family members.

 

And this bring me to her biggest issue, which is post traumatic stress disorder following the death of her parents and two eldest siblings. That's a story for another time, but suffice to say that she was a small child at the time, and while she didn't directly witness their deaths, it was violent and horrific and was a murder-suicide by her eldest sister. She was, at the time, extremely over-attached to her father to the point where she doesn't always seem to remember she also lost a brother and a mother as well. He kept her stable, and between the massive loss and him normally being her main source of comfort and stability, she did not cope well. There being further complications regarding her living arrangements, not going into that, made that even worse. And given that her eldest sister was the one that killed her father, it's not hard to see why said sister appears so frequently in her nightmares and hallucinations, or why she's such a powerful demonic figure in those nightmares and hallucinations.

 

And I say that her PTSD is the worst of her issues because it would be there even if the others weren't and wouldn't be much weaker, and also because it made all of her other issues much, MUCH worse. I was barely aware of her schizophrenia, for instance, until her parents died. Her hallucinations were also of a largely positive variety before the loss of her parents, or at least that was her feelings towards them. Her paranoia also wasn't a problem at all until her parents died, and in fact I'd say wasn't any stronger than the healthy paranoia most millennials possess. Even so, her PTSD also isn't what you're imagining, if you're picturing a mentally crippled woman triggered by normal conversation who can't tie her shoes without having a violent flashback. Most of the time, she's fine. She can even have her own personal tragedy brought up without being "triggered", what actually "triggers" her is anyone's guess as while it seems to be personal turmoil of the type she used to go to her father about most of the time, the rest seems to be random.

 

As for why this rant is coming right now, she's presently having an episode and trying to pretend she's not. And I wanted to talk about it, but I know damn well from past experiences just how hard it is to talk about your mentally ill girlfriend's episodes without being shamed for having a mentally ill girlfriend to begin with. I've never had that experience here, but I've had it many times on other sites and in real life, in this case I just in a chat room not ten minutes before I started typing this. And it makes me DAMNED angry, and I really need to get that off my chest before I say anything about her actual episode.

[Jeb_CC]

Aw. X3 Seattleite. I don't see anything wrong from having a mentally ill girlfriend. I think it's quite sweet. ^_^ And I'm proud of you for sticking up to that. My boyfriend is kind of rich and I fear that people believe I'm a gold digger. :I I mean... If he's gonna send me a surprise $2,000 laptop, I'm sorry, I can't exactly say no. XD Especially since he shipped it over already and that cost like... $100 alone. But I'm not here to rob him. And I hate how some people may think that. So... I can semi-relate to your little explanation thingy here. I have a mentally ill friend. She acts like a normal human being. The only issues I see is that she can't sleep. But... I don't like her. And I don't want people going; "Oh, you just hate her because she's mentally ill." X3 No... I dislike her because she's s rude snotbag to me. There are mentally ill people who can take care of themselves. Even when they have so many, they can still take up a normal conversation. They're not retards.

Anyway, going more and more off topic.

Just wanted to let you know that you ARE respected and no-one has the rights to go slamming down on your parade. I'm sorry others have given you grief over it though. :S I understand.

[Seattleite]

Apparently her episode was triggered by an instance of sleep paralysis featuring the lifeless forms of her family lying burning on the ground, except for her dead eldest sister, who was badly burned, who stood at her bedside, poured gasoline over her, and climbed into bed with her before lighting a match.

 

Well, that sounds splendid, can't believe the episode was over a lovely firelight cuddle with her dearest sister.

 

Seriously, that might just give ME nightmares, and I'm not the one who saw it. She apparently refused to relinquish her neice and nephew, whose bodies were on the pile in the hallucination, for the rest of the day.

[Blightmare]

This is gonna be a very odd rant coming from a mod because it involves the subject of willingly breaking rules.

 

These rules specifically being custom server rules in online games. More specifically, the banning of weapons/tactics that was clearly a feature the game designers intended for use, and are only there to stack the odds in favor of the people who run the servers.

 

EXAMPLE

 

Battlefield. Let's go with 3. There are servers out there that ban the use of stingers and other seeker type AA weapons on maps where helicopters can spread total hell. And guess where you can find the creators of these rules when they're playing? In a helicopter. If they're not in a helicopter, then they're waiting in limbo until the helicopter respawns in which you can continue to find them in a helicopter. I've not so affectionately begun referring to these people as helijockies.

 

As for servers with rules like these? Well, fuck it. They may as well ban me now because if they're gonna employ childish tactics to stack the game in their own favor because they can't deal with the idea that someone's gonna use perfectly balanced counter-equipment to shut them down then you bet I'm gonna break that rule. I will wear that childish ban with childish pride. Besides, it saves me the trouble of accidentally stumbling into that server again in the future so it's really a win situation for me.

 

I can understand and respect modded servers that limit tactics for the purpose of balance(aka hardcore servers that limit recon to like 2-3 slots, because honestly, 10 recon per team in a 30 vs 30 game is nothing short of chaotic.) but when someone's banning the only effective ways to deal with their favorite role then, well, I'm guess I'm getting banned. They put those stingers in for the express purpose of taking down choppers and balancing the field and I intend to use them fully to that benefit, children with admin status be damned.

 

The rules may as well read "No killing admins." It'd be just as stupid.

[rairii]

This is gonna be a very odd rant coming from a mod because it involves the subject of willingly breaking rules.

 

These rules specifically being custom server rules in online games. More specifically, the banning of weapons/tactics that was clearly a feature the game designers intended for use, and are only there to stack the odds in favor of the people who run the servers.

 

EXAMPLE

 

Battlefield. Let's go with 3. There are servers out there that ban the use of stingers and other seeker type AA weapons on maps where helicopters can spread total hell. And guess where you can find the creators of these rules when they're playing? In a helicopter. If they're not in a helicopter, then they're waiting in limbo until the helicopter respawns in which you can continue to find them in a helicopter. I've not so affectionately begun referring to these people as helijockies.

 

As for servers with rules like these? Well, fuck it. They may as well ban me now because if they're gonna employ childish tactics to stack the game in their own favor because they can't deal with the idea that someone's gonna use perfectly balanced counter-equipment to shut them down then you bet I'm gonna break that rule. I will wear that childish ban with childish pride. Besides, it saves me the trouble of accidentally stumbling into that server again in the future so it's really a win situation for me.

 

I can understand and respect modded servers that limit tactics for the purpose of balance(aka hardcore servers that limit recon to like 2-3 slots, because honestly, 10 recon per team in a 30 vs 30 game is nothing short of chaotic.) but when someone's banning the only effective ways to deal with their favorite role then, well, I'm guess I'm getting banned. They put those stingers in for the express purpose of taking down choppers and balancing the field and I intend to use them fully to that benefit, children with admin status be damned.

 

The rules may as well read "No killing admins." It'd be just as stupid.

 

Nothing's more satisfying than shredding helijockies with unguided rockets though, if you run in to some shit server where admins only run air maps and ban stingers, just be a manly shit and castrate them from the ground with a good old fashioned SMAW shot

[Blightmare]

Mostly I do but sometimes I'd just rather get them out of the way quick and go about the game. Besides, it's fun to fight child with child sometimes.

[Psychotic Ninja]

FML! I had a good long(ish) post, which apparently I failed to submit, on my frustrations on animating certain styles but can't do, because I can't capture, I can't figure out how to capture the essence of the things that makes words for FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

 

 

 

 

h03QBNVwX8Q

RtblQQvT2Nk

gtDdM74r1A0

N53t1Gy7wP0

f96cwITCAKk

oez8l9zNxOs

Lieskf3W_80

m04XSNi6OV8

NdPKMokayFo

 

 

Some of these you might know, some you might recognize from something (like Spooky Scary Skeletons for 'Skeleton Dance'). This. this is the kind of animation style I would love to create (in SFM). But alas, I just can't figure out what of these (and others from the 20's-50's) I love so much, the words to use when trying to describe how to come up with one of these animations. For example, like let's say I was to make a Tom and Jerry style animation, but with Engineer and Spy (but not necessary the rules/laws of TF2, just the characters themselves) I-I-I just don't know what to do. I'm no writer, it's not like I can write up a scenario for two silent characters, and have slapstick in it. It's also not like I can hire a writer (or two) seeing as I have no bloody money (not that kind of bloody), and the only way to get money is through a job, and if you actually took the time to read about my job/life rants/vents before,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?start=10&v=-sbFhOeqTzY

 

Just how would I capture the retro style of animation for SFM?

 

0IxuMUa9pag

 

Just look at this! Now, personal nitpicky issues aside, this dude has captured the essence of the old retro cartoons (mainly Tom and Jerry). I wanna do this, I just don't know how, because I fail to translate the essence of the old retro cartoons into words, and that really frustrates me.

 

[Psychotic Ninja]

Enthusiastic with lots of diverse passions and interests

Get fascinated with something new, every few days

Come up with new, sparky ideas

Like starting things, but not finishing them

Have a bunch of tabs open on your web browser at any one time (what, just one webpage at a time?)

Find the idea of choosing just one career scary, limiting and very stressful

 

This is me with computer stuffs. I'm interesting in robotic, programming, animation, video games (like Youtube Let's Play), web comics, hacking, mod making, voice acting (okay, not really related to computers, but it still), character design, graphic arts, and more. Hell, right now I have 11 tabs open (including this one).