WWGFD

[Pinkie Pie]

"Uh...what? Who puts a warning sign...IN THE MIDDLE OF WHAT YOU'RE WARNING ME TO STAY AWAY FROM?! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A MINEFIELD?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Whoa...uh...maybe...maaayybe I shouldn't be freakin' out like this. I just realized I'm in a MINEFIELD. You're usually more vulnerable to this stuff AFTER you know it's there. Alright, alright, let's assess the situation...

 

I'm in the middle of a minefield out in the New Mexican desert, with the army sending helicopters after me and aliens who want to kill me teleporting in......*sigh*"

-

Wheatly shows up out of nowhere.

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

Fuck off eye thingy, I'm trying to save the world here

-

He falls a 200 ft distance

[Twilight Sparkle]

*Splat*

 

-

 

He encounters a Sarlacc.

[Collective Foal]

HOLY FUCK. Is- is that the thing Luke SKYWALKER killed. God DAMMIT! I find blast doors all over this complex, and the second I actually NEED one to crush this thing, there are none. That is FUCKING FANTASTIC! Wait, can I shoot it. *shoots at it* Oh, fuck. Wrong answer! run, run, run, run, run, run!

 

(I really wanted to do the Pinkie Pie Launcher response)

 

What the hell is this. It looks like some sort of rocket launcher. Is- is that a PONY inside?! I mean, I'm not one for animal cruelty, but let's see what this thing does.

*fires it*

OH MY GOD! That thing just blew a 20 foot hole... in a BLAST DOOR! Did it seriously just explode TWICE?! How is that even physically possi- wait, there's a warning label on the side. "Screw physics, I'm Pinkie Pie." Oh shit, tell me there's more ammo for this thing!

 

 

 

He refuses the G Man's offer at the end of the game.

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

If I can take on a 50 foot fetus with an SMG, I sure as hell can kill all these tiny bitches with my bare hands.

 

-

 

He drinks that healing water on Xen?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Whoa, holy shit, that's good! *Gulp gulp gulp* Damn! That's better than...well anything! It's like...Kool-aid or something, but still different. Man, I feel good too! Hell, I feel better now than I did before all this shit started. It's too bad I don't have a barrel or something. If I could figure out how to make that stuff I'd make enough money to BUY a pardon. Well, forget it, all good things come to an end. Guess I'll have to stick to opening a grappling hook company.

 

-

 

His reaction when he sees the Apache while scaling the cliff on Surface Tension.

[Collective Foal]

Are you- no, this not GOOD! I mean, REALLY? Is this how important I am, that they have to send in the friggin' Air Force to kill me. Oh, shit. I am SO screwed right now. And the second I need to get back underground, there's no tunnels or entrances anywhere to be seen. FUCK!

 

Nihilanth starts talking to him through telepathy.

[Srake]

ARGH! IT'S IN MY HEAD! Rubber ducky you're the one. Makes bath time tons of fun.

 

Derails a tram.

[Very7684]

GODDAMN!!! this tram sucks...must have been the work of the guy who made those catwalks..he's on the list

 

If he gets a face-hugger on his face

[Pinkie Pie]

*muffled screams, slowly getting softer, slumps to the floor, arms waving less and less...then stops*

 

*hours later*

 

*ZOMBIE GRODON FRMAHN*

 

If he gets teleported to Ponyville.

[Twilight Sparkle]

WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT IS THIS?! AM I FUCKING HIGH?! OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS IN THAT ALIEN LIQUID? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? AM I DYING? WHY DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A CARTOON! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

 

*Nervous breakdown ensues*

 

-

 

Finds the gluon gun

 

Hardmode: No references to ghost busters!

[Srake]

*Nervous breakdown ensues*

He'd fit right into Ponyville with that attitude.

 

Holy shit! Is that a jet pack!?! *picks up Gluon Gun* Oh, it's just a gun. What kind of ammo does this use... Uranium-232? That sounds fucking safe. Well I don't have any of that. I never picked up any when I had the chance and if I get another change I don't really want to carry it around with me... Oh wait there's already some Uranium in it! What does this thing do anyways? *fires it* HOLY FUCK! *immediately unstraps it and throws it on the ground* WHY WOULD WE NEED THAT!? Uhh, maybe I shouldn't have thrown that on the ground. If that had blown up the army wouldn't even need to bomb this hell hole. AND I want it to burn! ...Just not with me in it.

 

If he found Barney somewhere in the facility

[Pinkie Pie]

Barney: "Hey Gordon! Ohh man am I glad to see yo-"*gets shot*

Gordon: "Everyones trying to act like they're my best friend. I see right past all of you. It just gets easier each time y'know! Might want to actually attack next time instead of all this buddy-buddy bullcrap!"

 

-

 

If he actually found a grappling hook?

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

FUCKING FINALL- Wait a minute....

And now that I have one, it just occurred to me, THERE'S ALMOST NOWHERE I'LL BE ABLE TO USE THIS!

 

He gets attacked by a grue

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Oh my god!! ( gets a spike in the chest) ( blood fills his lungs his death crise are this) xydydoydyxhxbfoydiwurqtyslhcifpuditsiysljfigludidljflhsjtshfmgayirfyksrjztiaijfkgzitalujxkgskyriflififididkrjwyuwofnayvdjegairevjdx

Dahlfjdkfkcdhjavngsfhnx

Dead

 

 

 

He is telliported to are world and meats Ross skot

[Arby]

Oh shit! What was that?! I've had enough insane green flashy moments today. I swear, its like this is all an elaborate test to see if they can induce epilepsy under intense stress, WELL IT WON'T WORK ON ME! I HAVE PERFECT VISION! I SEE EVERYTHING! wait, no that has nothing to do with epilepsy, what am I doing? Where am I? This doesn't look all that different from any of the other offices, maybe a little different since there's no blood or dead bodies or something trying to kill and eat me.....but I don't know...something just seems....off. Are the aliens redecorating? Hmm...Hey! wait! who are you? You seem awfully familiar...OH SHIT! It's me! How could I not recognize someone so awesome? I must be in some alternate universe. I've seen enough movies to know that this can't be good, I could erase myself from like all of time if I play this wrong. That was a sweet car, wish I had one of those...bet the FAA would never let me fly it around though...

 

-

 

The HEV Suit battery dies and he cant move

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

That's actually just what powers the armor, he'd still be able to move.

 

If he finds a 3 year old crawling up to 2 HECU marines?

[Arby]

*Cigar-chomping General voice* Hup, yeah. you uh put a baby in a gun and fire it ,brilliant! Baby Cannon, works every time. Make it armor piercing.

 

-

 

He somehow walked a giant circle and ends up back in Sector C

[Twilight Sparkle]

In all honestly I think he'd just commit suicide.

 

Gets stuck in one of the pipes in Surface Tension (Where the soldiers are dug in).

[Chuckthe2nd]

"Well, let's assess the situation here...I'm stuck in a pipe, and the marines are trying to kill me." *Long pause"

 

"I am SO screwed right now."

 

"Well, worst case scenario I can just wait till they get close and then detonate a satchel charge...which would also kill me. Fuck. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SUICIDE BOMBER! I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS! OH. YOU GOING TO SHOOT AT ME ANYWAY? FINE! HAVE A GRENADE!" *throws grenade* *BOOM* "Oh, well that sure made you quiet down, huh? Oh, wait, you're dead. Well that works."

 

He discovers that he can call on airstrikes.