Useless Advice

[Psychotic Ninja]

Replace the weak drugs with stronger drugs, he'll get sick of drugs all together.

 

Halp! How do I reboot the entire internet?

[Selous Templar]

Kill Majestic 12

 

I need to make a Pizza, what should I use?

[HGARR]

Fish, Pringles, Candycane and cake

 

How do I defeat ISIS?

[Spagelo]

You can't, Isis is immortal. And why would you want to do such a thing? Isn't she the patron saint of women and children?

 

I still can't fly when I flap my arms, can anyone teach me?

[HGARR]

Glue some feathers onto your arms, and remove all clothing.

 

How do I prepare for the zombie apocalypse?

[Selous Templar]

Go to antarctica

 

How do I lose the weight?

[HGARR]

Drop the weight down a well!

 

Where can I find creativity?

[Selous Templar]

In LSD

 

How can I find Carmen Sandiago?

[HGARR]

Go to San Diego!

 

How can I stay warm in the winter?

[Selous Templar]

Eat Baked Beans, and light some matches

 

How do I mod my videogames?

[HGARR]

To modify a game, decorate the disc with whatever you like! Glitter/ paint/ pencils/ et cetera will make the graphics more colourful, gluing on some hairs/ furs from some creatire will add that creature to the game, and attacking the disc with a weapon will add that weapon to the game!

This is why I HATE digital games, because they can't be modded!

 

How do I find my car keys and wallet?

[Selous Templar]

It's in your buttcheeks

 

How do I brush my teeth?

[HGARR]

With a paintbrush of course!

 

How can I tame a Lion?

[Selous Templar]

Be an Accountant

 

How do I cure crippling depression

[HGARR]

If you shoot a bullet through your brain at juuust the right angle, the depressed part of your brain will go, and you will be happy.

 

How do I make my kids stop fighting?

[Selous Templar]

A time honoured technique that has worked for thousands of years:

A HEADLOCK

 

How do I compete with the Wogs in Soccer?

[HGARR]

When they're about to kick the ball, shout: "Oi Look! A Bitch with her Tits out!"

 

How do I beat the Asian girl in a maths test?

[Selous Templar]

Just copy off her. And study your ass off.

 

How do I recover from PTSD?

[HGARR]

Get off tumblr.

 

How do I sell my old car?

[Selous Templar]

Ask Superwog

 

How do I pump a milf with big tits?