Useless Advice

[longliveprose]

Deafen your roomates.

 

I've lost 10 pounds in the last month, which is wonderful. However, that does mean that I still weigh 197 pounds. How do I get this excess weight off my shoulders?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Use a chainsaw on your shoulders.

 

 

How do I get into a relationship?

[danielsangeo]

Go the opposite of friendzone. Relationshipzone. "Oh, you think we're just friends? Too bad. We're in a relationship now."

 

Follow it up by one of these looks:

 

 

 

What's the best way to find out official information about the release date of Windows 10 Creators Update?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Sneak into Area 51, they have all the answers.

 

 

Help! I'm bored, what do?

[Ikthias]

DON'T PANIC

 

How do I study for test in morning without reading?

[longliveprose]

xwhAq3F8NCE

 

How do I pretend to be a girl to get free shit in online games? My voice is way too deep.

[Selfsurprise]

Hire a voice actress to play games on your behalf and relay anything you want to say.

 

Must not all things at last be swallowed up in death?

[Zaraki]

Get some ketchup and mustard if you want to eat something.

 

How can I stop forgetting my homework?

[longliveprose]

The Chosen.

 

I think my mother hid all the spoons when she left for work. How do I live with this knowledge?

[Selfsurprise]

You must muster the moral courage to eat everything with your hands. That cheese fondue isn't going to eat itself.

 

I think I might of exceeded my monthly book budget this month. Any tips on how I can bring my finances out of the red and into the black?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Paint with black paint

 

 

Halp! I'm hungert, what do I eat?

[Zaraki]

Lint with a dash of toothpaste.

 

Help! My bed is sentient! What do?!

[Psychotic Ninja]

Read it a bed time story

 

So my time machine just arrived, but I don't know what to do, any suggestions?

[longliveprose]

Visit the creation of the universe, the hottest place around.

 

I love AIM 4.8, but AOL doesn't support it anymore. How do I get more people to use it?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Use my time machine, just note it takes a human soul per decade, not necessarily yours.

 

 

Halp, I'm all out of peanutbutter, jelly, and bread for my pb&j sandwich, what do?

[longliveprose]

Make the ingredients. You can do this even in a desert with just yourself.

 

Me and a friend seem to be getting thrown around in time with your time machine. Any advice? A minute ago, it was 1967, now I'm back in 1917 again. It's getting a little inconvenient.

[Psychotic Ninja]

Oooooh, it sounds like you gave it a black person's soul. Yeah... It's kinda racist like that.

 

 

Halp, I don't know what game I should play next, any suggestions?

[Zaraki]

Monopoly:The RTS Version.

 

Certain videos are unnecessarily banned in the country I'm living in! What do?!

[Psychotic Ninja]

Threaten to kill it if it doesn't behave, and then kill it anyways.

 

 

Halp, I'm bored at work, wut do?

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Light a few things on fire to find out just how much smoke the smoke detectors needs to set off the alarm.

 

I accidentally swallowed some of that mouthwash that says "do not swallow". What do I do now?