Useless Advice

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Mix about 1/2 cup of flour with 1/2 bottle of beer and rub it all over yourself. This works, trust me.

 

It's really hot outside, but I want to wear my winter jacket!

[Remolay]

It's a good thing heat stroke is a myth, go for it.

 

 

My sleep schedule is probably screwed up beyond all repair.

[Selfsurprise]

I find drinking loads of cola helps me relax. Like warm milk in a baby's belly.

 

I need to give Ross Scott a thousand dollars but I don't have it on me right now.

[longliveprose]

Ask a 5,000 people for one dollar.

 

My guitar has one string.

[Remolay]

become a B-52's cover band that only plays Rock Lobster.

 

 

My cat thinks it is a dog.

[Daseril]

Boil it for a couple days, it should revert back to proper thinking soon after.

 

My sunburn really stings and I can't get to sleep through the pain.

[Psychotic Ninja]

Take a hot, and I mean a hot shower. The hotter it is, the better chance it'll cancel out the burns.

 

Help! I gotta pee, but I'm to lazy to get out of my chair, and I don't want to pee my pants, wut do?

[longliveprose]

Get a friend to catch it.

 

I have a day of school left and thirty overdue math lessons. What do?

[Remolay]

Switch the words around, You'll have 30 days of school left, a overdue math lesson, and people laughing at you online for saying "A overdue math lesson".

 

 

My backlog of books is somehow larger than my backlog of games.

[Daseril]

Use your technology that allowed you turn your games and books into logs to solve the worlds forestation problem.

 

I made six cookies, ate four, but now I don't have enough room in my stomach for the last two.

[longliveprose]

You have a second stomach just for desserts!

 

I lost my work when a website shut down, what do I do?

[Selfsurprise]

Ask the people who shut down the website to write down everything you had stored there.

 

I've ran out of Ben & Jerry's, what can I eat to cool down in the summer weather?

[Remolay]

Your friends Ben and Jerry

 

 

 

I want to be healthier but I also don't want to cut out soda.

[longliveprose]

Consume 0-soda and nothing else, it's no calories and you'll drop pounds like flies.

 

I want to get box copies for my Steam games. What should I do?

[Selfsurprise]

You'll need some empty cereal boxes, paper, glue, scissors and your boundless imagination! Adult supervision is preferable.

 

I'm in the mood for some beef pho but there are no Vietnamese restaurants near me that I'm aware of.

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Fly to Vietnam.

And then kidnap a Vietnamese family and bring them back to the UK, then open a restaurant and force them to cook. Voila! A Vietnamese restaurant.

 

I want to drive a dune buggy through a postapocalyptic wasteland, but I have neither of those things!

[Remolay]

We're fast on the track to the latter, so wait for about a year and steal a dune buggy.

 

Maybe you should steal the buggy first

 

 

Songs I write end up with horrific verses that don't even begin to scan

[TheTron852]

Allow Mr. Translation von Google handle those verses!

 

One of my house plants refuses to stay green!

[Psychotic Ninja]

Take a picture, send it to me, and I'll turn them green

 

 

I'm royally pissed at the customers I've been getting today, what do?

[Woah_G!]

Have a coke. And then a kit-kat. And maybe a snickers.

 

I have a co-worker that keeps complaining, what to do?