Useless Advice

[Psychotic Ninja]

You might want to ask Pinkie Pie.

 

Help, I'm dealing with an idiot on the internet, what do I do to survive?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Make outrageous claims without any proof to back them up. That has never backfired for anyone, ever.

 

There's somewhere I have to be tomorrow, but I don't know how to get there. What should I do?

[Humin]

You should take the south road.

 

I calculated that my backup will take 27 hours over my wifi. How can I make sure that my laptop doesn't randomly turn off during that time?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Light a fire underneath to keep the circuits warm.

 

I have to mow the yard, but I don't want to because it's huge and it'll take hours. What can I do to either save time or not have to do it?

[Pinkie Pie]

Nuke the house. Duh.

 

I want to stop replying to Holywarrior's posts in the game threads, but he always writes ones I feel compelled to respond to. How do I stop the voices chanting in my head?

[danielsangeo]

Icepick to the head (your choice of which head).

 

I'm not in any need of advice at this moment. What do I do about this?

[BTGBullseye]

Throw yourself off a cliff... I guarantee you'll need some advice after that.

 

Help, throwing myself off a cliff didn't work... He just got mad that I climbed on his back... How do I calm him down?

[Professor Vex]

Heat the skillet for 45 minutes over a lighter, and then rub it on your cat.

 

My beard appears to be made of snakes, a little help?

[BTGBullseye]

You are Medusa's son... Just go with it, and try not to stare at people.

 

I'm hallucinating due to lack of sleep... The voices say "kill", but the mangy inside-out Pegasus says "Hi there!"... Should I be asking for advice for this?

[Seattleite]

Probably, see a psychologist. Getting medication that addicts you and doesn't fix any of your problems is definitely the right way to go.

 

I'm babysitting toddlers and the girls won't stop fighting over the boy. How should I handle it?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Duct tape them together!

 

 

Alright, so yesterday I went to Target, and I noticed that they already had Back To School stuffs for sale (you know, backpacks, pens, paper, binders, etc. etc.), now I know stores like to start early, but it still struck me as odd that Target would start this early during summer break, I mean July has barely started. Sure, it doesn't really concern me, seeing as I've been finished with school for about 4 years now (yay). However, I know it must really suck for the kids, worst part? There were already parents, with kids, that were already shopping. I mean, when I was still in school, we didn't bother until a couple of weeks, at best, before school started to go shopping. Well, after that, I went to McDonald's to hang out with some friends, I just got a shake, but one of my friends had a burger and fries, and me being me, started to grab a few, and another friend did the same, and at that point he just gave up and was like (sarcastically) "alright, just take as many as you want, see if I care." So, me being me, I grabbed the whole container, and started eating some, while others were fighting over me/the container, and after a while we just stopped, and left him, without realizing or trying to, at most 10 fries. One friend felt bad, and decided to buy him one large thing of fries, and we all left that alone. Well, anywho, after the adventures at McDees, we all went home, and did our own thing (this was around 11 PM last night). Now, for the past few days, I've had shit internet connection, so I couldn't really do much on my computer, so I decided to watch TV before going to bed, and then today, I had a dentist appointment (yeah, I know, great idea to have McDees the night before the dentist appointment). Anywho, everything was going great, no cavities or anything, one wisdom tooth fully grown, two are almost grown, but one still hasn't come yet. No pain from the teeth whatsoever, and as typical dentist fashion, he recommends getting them pulled. What I'm wondering is what should I do with my wisdom teeth?

[Professor Vex]

Your problem is probably a small piece of glass wedged in your urethra.

 

How u breath? answer fast!!!

[Seattleite]

You lower the air pressure in your lungs, then raise it again.

 

How do you win a game with no score or time limit?

[ThePest179]

Don't play it.

 

How do I get more time to myself?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Smash every device that tells the time in the world, and bam! All time has stopped.

 

 

How do I get my internet to stop sucking big hairy saggy donkey balls?

[Professor Vex]

Kill the donkey!

 

Where's the beef?

[danielsangeo]

Try to realize the truth. There is no beef. Then you'll see that it's not the beef that cooks, it is only yourself. Do you think that's beef stew you're eating now?

 

I hate the summer (it's too hot) and there's lots more weeks of it! What do?

[Professor Vex]

Take a whole bottle of sleeping pills, and sleep through the summer.

 

New computer make room hot, how fix?

[BTGBullseye]

del "Room"

 

I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat any of the leftover pizza for some reason... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Saw open your head, take out the brain, apply duct tape to shut the "I hate (leftover) pizza" part of the brain closed, reinsert brain, then enjoy your pizza.

 

I accidentally 93MB of .rar files, what should I do? Is this dangerous?