Useless Advice

[Obsidian]

Buy a disintegration laser and destroy your dishes. You're welcome.

 

How do I keep my clothes on?

[alphabetagamma]

Turn them on and break the switch off, that way they'll stay on.

 

How can I find the molar mass of my ice cream cone?

[Scorpia]

(i had to google molar mass. )

 

first throw the ice cream cone at a bull, then as that angry son of a bitch is hurtling towards you count how many seconds before you're impaled, after that while you're breathing your final breaths figure out an equation of how long it took the bull to lumber through your ice cream. congratulations! you've died in the name of science...and an angry ass Bull named tito.

 

how do a convince my dad to buy a cell phone?

[Blue]

Tell him not to with reverse psychology.

 

What is the best way to convince the Canadian Government to permit me to start a backyard Moon Program?

[Scorpia]

simple, build one anyway. oh, and if you get any cease and desist letters or a cruise missile tries to blow down your first manned rocket flight, don't worry, it's just competitors trying to scare you.

 

why is my advice killing people lately?

[Epsilon]

It's quite obvious that you're so useful you helped them to death.

 

How can I instantly solve trigonometry problems?

[Scorpia]

yell at your pet horse until it decides to read up on trigonometry, then presto! organic calculator!

 

there's a guy at my door, what do i do oh guru of forum wisdom?!

[Obsidian]

Answer the door with no pants on and smack him with your silicon pipe!

 

I'm trapped in a room with an angry Canadian listening to Korean rapcore. Halp!

[Razor235]

Beat the shit out of him with a bottle of Heineken and a hockey stick.

 

How do I build a flux capacitor?

[Psychotic Ninja]

To create a Flux Capacitor, you need to hit your head on a bathroom sink while trying to hang a clock over your toilet.

 

 

Help I'm trap in a room with a moose and there's no way out! What do?

[Mr. ShinyObject]

Find his pal the flying squirrel.

 

Where is my mind?

[Epsilon]

Way out in the water.

 

How can I create an army of mantis men which carries out my every order and whim?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Simple, create a devise that can pull characters out of a tv, then watch some cheesy syfy movie and pull out all the fighters you need

 

I don't have an x box 360, how do I fix this

[Psychotic Ninja]

 

Go to Bestbuy, and when no one's looking, steal an x-box 360 and RUN FOR IT!

 

 

I have a cat on my lap, but I need to get to work, what do?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Pour a little water on him, that should jump start it.

 

JW's are banging on my door and they won't leave! How do I get rid of them?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Walk up to the ad say this "I'm a Mormon" and they will leave without saying another word (this really works)

 

I can't breath, HELP

[Twilight Sparkle]

Perform the Counter-Heimlich maneuver.

 

Can't feel the lower half of my body, what do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Brake your arm, now you don't care that you can't fell your legs

 

I'm attacked by the vagina monster from Prometheus

[Arby]

Simple, pour water on it. It'll melt. It works like that right?

 

Every time I try to leave my house I get a loading screen and have to restart the system, what do I do?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Uninstall and reinstall Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.

 

 

Help I have an exam tomorrow, and I haven't studied for it, what do?