Useless Advice

[Obsidian]

In English.

 

I'm feeling lonely lately. What can I do to remedy this?

[Brad]

Start talking to yourself. You'll eventually start talking back.

 

I have allergies, how do fix?

[Jek Jek Roo]

Call a medic. He knows.

 

My PC is laggy, what to do?

[Psychotic Ninja]

"Accidentally" cause error 482, no more lag. Bonus if you get a free computer.

 

 

 

Help, I'm starving, and there's nothing to eat at home, what do I do?

[Jek Jek Roo]

Start eating your foot! Yummy.

 

I have a monster under my bed!

[Obsidian]

Well get him and the monster in your closet to fight to the death!

 

I think there's a gnome in my car, but he's hiding. What do?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Grab your gravity gun, and hold the right trigger, gnomes just love gravity guns.

 

 

Help! I had to amputate my right arm, how can I get a lady to go to Prom with me?

[Obsidian]

Find a lady blind in her left eye She'll never know!

 

I keep having nightmares with sliding block puzzles in them. Help!

[Axeldeath]

Play some more Catherine.

 

 

Need USB 3.0 so I can transfer data to my USB stick faster. Halp pl0x!

[Madman]

Glue.

 

I want to fit my head to a bucket but I can't. What do I do?

[Obsidian]

Break your head into smaller pieces so you can force it in. Use a stick!

 

I work today. What should I do?

[Collective Foal]

Skip work, take a bus to Delaware and hang out with me!

 

GUYS

 

I WANT A GIRLFRIEND WHO LIKES PONIES

 

HOW DO

[Obsidian]

Reverse age yourself to be 5 years old.

 

I'm still kind of sleepy. What do?

[Brad]

Constantly inject adrenaline and energy drinks into your bloodstream for the next 24 hours. You'll never have to sleep again.

 

What should I do when the person preparing my food is laughing maniacally?

[Obsidian]

Just smile and eat your fawking food bon apetitie!

 

I keep hearing an evil voice in my head and I think it's one of the AF mods. How do I remedy this ailment?

[Alyxx Thorne]

Put on Barbie Girl by Aqua. I promise you won't be hearing anything else in your head the rest of the day.

 

My dog keeps acting like it wants to copulate with me. How do I get it to stop?

[Obsidian]

You can start by taking off the dog costume and getting off your hands and knees.

 

I need a sig and title. What do?

[J.C.]

Post the question on the internet.

 

I want money, easy women and power over people. How can I get those things?

[Alyxx Thorne]

To Obsidian: You buy a pack of cigs and sign up for the army.

To JC: You become a rapper who writes lyrics about money, easy women and power over people.

 

I have an oreo cookie stuck in my nose. How do I get it out?

[Obsidian]

Hit your nose really hard until the cookie or your nose breaks. Either way, that cookie is coming out.

 

Steam is feeling lonely today. How fix?