Useless Advice

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Pee in to the ventilation slits

 

Help I'm suffering from new Freemans Mind withdraw because Ross hasn't had a new one out recently how do I fix this?

[HoboJim]

Bash your head against the wall repetedly.

 

How make my finger stop hurting?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Cut your finger off, there now it stopped hurting.

 

 

Help, I'm full, and we're going to eat soon, I don't want to be full when it's time to eat, what do I do to not be full so quickly?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Go to the bathroom stand over the toilet lean over it and vomit all you past food into the toilet clean the vomit off your clothes and go about your day

 

Help I can't sleep and I have a big day at school tomorrow

[Madman]

Kill yourself. Then you'll sleep forever.

 

Help I can't think.

[Epsilon]

Well, do nothing. Clearly you don't need to think if you realize you need help.

 

I must fight Gordon Freeman in a 1v1 duel! How do I stand a chance against his almighty crowbar?

[Madman]

Nuke him from orbit.

 

Bear Grylls is after my pet penguin, what should I do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Eat bear grylls

I have had a very bad day how do I fix it?

[Epsilon]

Sell it for a good day.

 

I must become the best TF2 player in five minutes. How?

[Psychotic Ninja]

You use as many mods/hacks/cheats as you can that work online.

 

 

I plan on selling my Playstation 2, what's the best way in doing this?

[Jek Jek Roo]

Don't do it, keep it and throw it into the sea on Friday!

 

How to eat vegamite?

[Scorpia]

well, the only logical answer is to get drunk and set fire to things.

 

how do i tell my wife that i want a divorce?

[ProHypster]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0yQg8kHVcI

 

It's too dark in my apartment....

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Light it on fire

 

Help I just got my girlfriend pregnant ( not really ) what do I do

[Bravetriforcer]

Make her pregnant for real.

 

I just went to The Escapist and read the comments on the article talking about DNF's DLC. Please help me from getting my blood from boiling.

[Psychotic Ninja]

Read the Youtube comments on any video, they're so moronic that you would be too busy facepalming to burst in anger.

 

 

Help my PS3 broke, what do I do to fix it?

[Mongoose]

Fill Your bathtub, drop it in there.

 

 

I cut my lower lip open, and I ate some lemons, now it hurts. What should I do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Eat the lemons from portal 2

 

My eyes just fell out how can I fix this befor the next freemans mind?

[Brad]

Duct tape, EVERYTHING can be fixed with duct tape.

 

I ran out of duct tape, what do?

[Scorpia]

simple harvest it from the skin of a human child(how else do you think it's made?)...or come up with a pyramid scheme involving billiards to make more money to buy some. also penguins will help you in the long run.

 

i'm out of hot chocolate, help?