Useless Advice

[Pinkie Pie]

Yell at it. "Stop that! Stop bleeding young man, I mean it! Don't make me get mother on you!

 

Help! A science experiment went wrong and now I'm a human fly!!

[Scorpia]

well you see, first contact Master Chief, he's good at killing flies. then after that explore the world as a ghost, find someone who looks enough like you and then kill them, that way he'd think you're him guiding him through the afterlife.

 

so i need to switch remote batteries, any help?

[Epsilon]

Get two car batteries (you never told us how large the remote was ).

 

Who's that?

 

Epsilon is probably about to yell at me.

YES. I WILL NOW YELL AT YOU WITH A LINK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

My house is flooding and I'm trapped in my basement, which has doors that are sealed shut. HOW DO I ESCAPED HOUSE?

[Pinkie Pie]

You didn't give Bill useless advice! This is all wrong! We need to abort the mission!!!

[Epsilon]

You must've overlooked it. :/

 

Get two car batteries (you never told us how large the remote was. )

[Blightmare]

EROR 4o4! QESTUN NOT FOWND!

 

I need to get back into shape. Suggestions?

[Epsilon]

Get into a giant, magical blender and shred yourself into a perfect circle. You are now in perfect shape.. congratulations.

 

I cannot learn how to shot web! TEACH ME!!!11ONEONEONE

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Simple cut your wrist so you can shot red web if it's just a liquid then your doing it wrong

 

 

Help I'm losing too much blood how do I prevent it from it getting on my only good clothes ( I've got to look good at my funeral)

[Psychotic Ninja]

Replace your good looking clothing with horrible hobo type clothing, that way you don't ruin your good clothing.

 

 

Help I have no money, and my dad's birthday is coming up, I still need to get him a gift, what do I do?

[Axeldeath]

 

I'm not sure if I insulted Psychotic Ninja, WAT DO?!

[Scorpia]

i'm sure you didn't, many of us would like to have those...the possibilities of having a book of those things issue-able only to your wife or significant other. i think sex shops make those.

 

i've gone bankrupt, and my cat ate the last of our food! any advice?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Eat the cat they tast very good

 

I just eaten the only cat I have and not want to eat a pony ( take that MLP ) what do I do

[Scorpia]

you need to eat a collection of Popsicle sticks while talking slowly to yourself in a corner.

 

i ran out of ammo! know a good place to get more?

[Epsilon]

Sure; go to my friend's house and get some BB gun ammo.

 

I'm rusty in TF2. How do I improve?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Simple use hax

 

I need some +rep so I can give others +rep which I love to do. How can I accomplish this?

PS: +rep to how replies to this ( when I have more rep to give )

[Pinkie Pie]

Stand outside a convienience store of your choosing, holding a sign that says, "Give me +rep"

 

I'm pregnant but am a guy! How does this get resolved in a way I do not die??!

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Call Arnold Swortsinager and ask him how he did it in " Junior "

 

I used to have 2 rep and spent all my rep but was an ass and lost my 2 rep then I got one back but still can't give others rep and I love giving rep what is wrong and how can I fix it?

[Epsilon]

Go to the guy who sells rep and rep accessories.

 

I must replay Mass Effect (for I have lost my save files) but it's extremely boring after completing it so many times. How do I find the will to continue through this ordeal?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Simple play as a different gender then you usually do so that the sex is more ... Interesting

 

How can I get an x-box 360 ?

[Epsilon]

Easy. Take a cardboard box, draw an X on it, then turn it 360 degrees.

 

A room in my school has Mac computers. What's the best way to destroy them (I'm sure BTGbullseye will have a good answer to this)?