Useless Advice

[danielsangeo]

You need more peptic salve and adrenaline.

 

I feel like I'm suffering from "Impostor Syndrome". What do?

[Selfsurprise]

Why are asking us? The impostor is still out there! At large! Waiting to strike!

GET IN THE CAR!

 

Oh my god... The danielsangeo impostor is here! He's heading right for me! THE CAR WON'T START SOMEBODY HELP!

 

 

P.S. Did I overdo it a bit?

 

[BTGBullseye]

Just play it cool, and wave... He'll never know it's you.

 

I really want to break the laws of the universe, but all these scientists and politicians are going to try to stop me...

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Just go for it. They never managed to catch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwMwlGKKoJo, so what are you worried about?

 

I have to do some work, but there are posts on the forum I haven't read yet! HELP!

[Binky The Rabbit]

Can't help you there, I'm in the same boat.

 

HELP! [repeating Ushanka]

[BTGBullseye]

See that orang text at the bottom of the page, it says 'mark all forums as read'? Just click that and it's the same as reading them all and not responding.

 

I refuse to be, how come I can't not be?

[PriestOfJudas]

Probably because you're running low on lemon water and morphine.

 

How do I hide a dead body? I don't think under the bed was the best idea.

[Scampi]

My advice? 10 minutes with a saw will save you 30 with a shovel.

http://www.teamfortress.com/tf04_blood_in_the_water/#f=66

 

I just woke up. This fleshy thing covered with finger-like appendages and a tail was on my face. Now my chest hurts. Is this okay?

[Binky The Rabbit]

Ahh, you'll be fiiiiine! Nothing to worry about! Though you may want to write up your will.

 

Help! My cupboard is bear! It's actually a bear!

[Woah_G!]

Have you forgotten to take your pills again, Mr. Rabbit? Here, have some of mine... They'll stop the bears from coming into your room.

 

I've lost my shame. I'm shameless, what do I do?

[BTGBullseye]

Start acting shameful... Eventually you'll become it.

 

I need to kill a lot of bad people really quickly... Where do I need to go, and what's the best way to get away with it?

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Buy a lot of concealed weapons, shave a mohawk,take some painkillers and then return Iris to her parents.

 

I have an unexplained bite mark on my arm and the strange desire to eat human flesh. Is that normal?

[Binky The Rabbit]

That's the normal reaction, yes. Now hold still while I inject this serum under your kneecap. If all goes well, you'll be safely under my command.

 

Help! The test backfired, now I have a zombie cat trying to assimilate me!

[Woah_G!]

Quick! put an apple in a microwave and throw a roll of ducttape out a window. You'll know you've done this correctly when the cat starts to strangle itself with its own tail.

 

The sky is falling and I don't have an umbrella, where do I hide?

[Zaraki]

Under Edd's hat.

 

Help!My subordinate can't open a portal!

[Selfsurprise]

Your subordinate needs to be at least a level 7 sorcerer or wizard to cast planeshift. Earn some experience points and get him to try again.

 

Most people don't seem to like my DnD jokes. What's wrong with these people?

[Reverend_UshankaCat_]

Oh dear, that's bad. That can be a sign of vampirism. Try to get them to sunbathe with you. If they say that they "don't have time" or "are too busy" and look at you with a confused expression, it means that it's already too late. The only thing you cn do then is drive a stake through their hearts and perform an exorcism on their houses. Sorry, mate.

 

My term paper is due in two days, but I'm 300 words short of the required 3000!

[Psychotic Ninja]

Double space, that way it'll look like you've reached the goal, and then some. Easy A for sure.

 

Help, there's no wifi (or cable) at the new house and I have to rely on other means to use the internet, however I'm tired of waiting, what do I do?

[PriestOfJudas]

Bring a vacuum cleaner to any public place with wi-fi and let it on for a while. After around 20 mins, the vacuum cleaner will have sucked enough wi-fi signals inside itself to keep your home's internet on for an hour. Just open the dustbag and your wi-fi will work.

 

I have two bags of white powder in my home, one's heroin and the other is cocaine. How do I figure out which is which?

[danielsangeo]

Bring in a police K-9 unit. They're good at differentiating between the two.

 

I want to buy either VR or AR device, but I don't know the best ones to go with. I'd like some advice on which are the best.