Useless Advice

[Professor Vex]

Simple, write an "E" in the end ,and sell your new rarE files at a pawn shop for profit.

 

I nausea, and wanna eat da foods, what do?

[BTGBullseye]

Use a cork... It should keep everything bottled up if it's big enough.

 

Headache, tired, bored, lazy, can't sleep... What's the remedy?

[Seattleite]

Booze! It'll at least make you not have a headache anymore.

 

(In all seriousness, I'd actually recommend marijuana.)

 

My girlfriend is going to Vegas for a week, leaving me alone for a week.

[Professor Vex]

Buy her a ticket to go see Penn & Teller, at the Rio All Suites Hotel & Casino.

 

World peace isn't fast, how do I force it to happen?

[ThePest179]

Kill everyone.

 

How do I get out of my work?

[Professor Vex]

I think you answered your own question, my friend.

 

2.5 gig download. How do I pass the time without using much bandwidth.

[BTGBullseye]

Unplug your internet.

 

I'm lonely...

[ThePest179]

Go outside, then do something stupid. People will take notice and film it (double points if what you do is extremely dangerous).

 

How do I stalk people in the most effective way possible?

[BTGBullseye]

Become a ghost.

 

There's nobody around to see the extremely stupid things recommended... And anybody in this area wouldn't bother recording anyways...

[Seattleite]

Get your own camera and carry it around recording constantly. You'll only need a silly amount of storage space and batteries.

 

My friend is an idiot who comes over to my house to hang out, but then just spends the entire time watching fucking Naruto and not saying a word, like he doesn't quite get how socialization works.

[BTGBullseye]

A giant bucket of ice water tends to liven things up a bit...

 

I can't afford batteries, or a decent camera...

[ThePest179]

Robbery. You might get away with it if you have an HEV suit.

 

I need to get Patton back in time so he can fight the ancient Gauls, how do I get him there?

[BTGBullseye]

Fly around the sun really fast... Backwards... Then grab him and do it again.

 

I need a way to remove all the crap from internet searches...

[Professor Vex]

Just give up the search, it's hopeless...

 

My fridge is empty again, and I think the pizza guy died, what do?

[Seattleite]

Starve to death.

 

The news is never about anything good, it's always war and death and it's getting worse.

[Professor Vex]

Turn off the TV, and go to a park. Look at birds, and playing children. Then you'll get arrested for being a molester, and you won't hear the news in jail.

 

My new PC doesn't have a blue monitor cable, and this monitor's HDMI sucks...

[Seattleite]

(Arrested as a molester just for watching children play to cheer myself up? Sounds about fucking right in 'Murica.)

 

Steal one from Wal-Mart. Because fuck Wal-Mart.

 

None of the local pharmacies stock Fukitol anymore, where can I get some?

[danielsangeo]

From Dr. Hu Givzhizhit.

 

I'm starting to think I'm developing allergies to my cat. What do I do?

[BTGBullseye]

Kill the cat, and place it's rotting corpse on Obama's pillow. There's nothing else you can do.

 

I need something to get me out of my current malaise...

[danielsangeo]

Get a cat.

 

Whenever I listen to original songs that Weird Al Yankovic has parodied, I can't not hear Weird Al's version (the biggest one is trying to listen to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U and can only hear https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEcjgJSqSRU). Help!