Useless Advice

[Humin]

Start realizing how a forever lasting afterlife will backfire in the most severe manner possible. Oh, and at this point your brain is completely intact but your mental faculties should be broken down to the point where you're almost beyond a vegetative state.

 

How can I make my parents realize how terrible the idea of an afterlife is?

[BTGBullseye]

You can't, because it isn't. You just haven't heard the best part about the afterlife... You DIE! And if you really want to, you DIE again.

 

How many licks does it take to get a girl to like me, when I can't find her? Oh, and why am I asking questions in the bad advice thread? Oh, and why can't I stop posting multiple questions at once? Oh, and... ... ... ... ... ... ...

[Pinkie Pie]

(1.) Six. Just lick them all, you'll find her eventually.

 

(2.) Iunno

 

(3.) Probably OCD.

 

(4.)

010101000111011101101111001000000110001101100001011011100010000001110000011011000110000101111001001000000110000101110100001000000111010001101000011000010111010000100000011001110110000101101101011001010010110000100000011011010110111101110100011010000110010101110010011001100111010101100011011010110110010101110010

 

 

How can I get my washing machine to play Mary Kate & Ashley: Sweet 16 with me?

[Aldibar]

Throw in a CD player, hit the spin cycle and jam on! ... or whatever.

 

kexWGNBUVGI

 

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? I have no tongue, and i must lick!

[BTGBullseye]

Get a fake tongue, and it'll take 3 licks.

 

I want to be happy, any advice on how to become happy?

[danielsangeo]

Dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, serotonin and, if you wish, morphine. Plus, that stuff Freeman wanted from the shark cage ("It's pretty crazy stuff....but these are CRAZY times!")

 

I need sleep but the Internet provides me constant novelty. How do I get a good night's rest?

[BTGBullseye]

Die. Easiest way... I do it myself...

 

I have the same exact problem, any advice on how to fix it?

[Aldibar]

Eat peanuts. Peanuts solve everything.

 

 

My toilet's clogged but i have no plunger. Any other household items i could use?

[Humin]

 

How do I make my HDTV into a TMDTV?

[Psychotic Ninja]

With duct tape.

 

 

Help! I'm lost in the void, and I was wondering, how can I get good wifi connection from the Burger King next door?

[BTGBullseye]

Go over to the Burger King, rip out their WiFi router, and plug it in in your house.

 

Internet is too slow in this hotel, how do I speed it up?

[iAmaNoob]

Attach a turbo engine via USB to your computer, that'll speed it up.

 

How do I create explosive diarrhea?

[Humin]

Attached TNT to a litter box.

 

How do I get this duct tape residue off of my TV?

[BTGBullseye]

Just cover it up with other duct tape... That's the only way.

 

How to blank?

[Humin]

http://blank.org/

 

How to Codec?

[Aldibar]

EC

 

I'd like to buy something at the accursed farmers market. Any ideas?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Episode 46 of Freeman's Mind.

 

I'm trying to put my phone in an otter box case, but something always gets stuck under the screen when I'm putting it together (dirt, hair, ect.). How can I prevent this?

[BTGBullseye]

Remove the box from the otter, and just put it in the otter instead.

 

How to "DOOM!" like Morbo?

[iAmaNoob]

Get a green butt for a head

 

My car isn't fast enough, any idea how to make it go supersonic?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Put spoilers on it. Everyone seems to think that makes cars go really fast.

 

I want to get rich by inventing something, does anyone have any good ideas?