Useless Advice

[danielsangeo]

Tell those germs who's boss! YEAH!

 

How do I stop hangnails?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Cut your fingers off.

 

I'm hosting a barbeque tomorrow but I don't know how to cook! What do I do?

[St. Goliath]

Barbeque does not require cooking skills. You just get your grill heated (i.e. start a fire), throw some meat onto it and wait until it looks more edible than before.

 

I somehow magically ran out of work to do. It's 8 pm and there's nothing even remotely watchable on TV. What should I do?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Burn the house down! Burn it all! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *ahem* sorry bout that, *adjusts his tie* where were we? Ah that's right, your problem. Here's what you do, you pull out your wand, point it at the T.V. and yell "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

 

 

I need help managing my money during Steam's Winter Sale, what do?

[Humin]

EAT IT

 

Is the pie a lie too?

[iAmaNoob]

Not unless it says "DO YOU SUCK DICKS?" in my face

Help, I played without turbo controller and my hand are fast as hell, how do I jerk off without ripping off my dick?

[BTGBullseye]

Get someone else to do it for you... No, not me.

 

I have a large worm working it's way through me... Help? I think?

[BTGBullseye]

Get someone else to do it for you... No, not me.

 

I have a large worm working it's way through me... Help? I think?

[danielsangeo]

Tell it to stop causing you to double post and that the possessive form of "it" is "its", not "it's".

 

How do I get a good night's rest when I'm working so many hours?

[iAmaNoob]

Sleep at work

[iAmaNoob]

How do I stop explosive diarrhea?

[Twilight Sparkle]

You'll need a crowbar, a bicycle pump, and a plate of asparagus.

 

How can I prevent people from entering my room if I don't have a lock on my door?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Always be jacking off, when they enter don't stop just stare at them. Eventuy they will not bothere you.

 

 

Help the trash can wants to have my babes, what do?

[danielsangeo]

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

 

I am constantly being lapcatted by my cat. What do?

[Alyxx Thorne]

Light up a cigarette.

 

My speakers are broken... how do I fix them?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Hit them with a wrench until they start working. It works in TF2 so it must work in real life.

 

I need a job but I live in a rural area with few places that hire part-time, what do?

[Pinkie Pie]

Say you'll work as an intern.

 

I am in dire need of curtains. How do I kill my neighbor to steal his curtains and get away with it?

[Alyxx Thorne]

You stab him with a knife in his throat and soak his body in acid to dissolve it and take the curtains.

 

I need coffee. How do I make it?

[Pinkie Pie]

Pray to God tonight, write Santa a letter, and whatever you do, do NOT exert any physical effort. At all.

 

How do I get to the top of that mountain?

[Aldibar]

Skydive!

 

EVERYONE!!! EVERYONE!!! DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE!!!! In 99 out of 100 cases breathing is a good thing!!! What if i forget how?