Useless Advice

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Give them the deed to your house

 

I'm trying to not be perverted but its really fucking hard, what should I do?

[Different]

Keep mentioning it and clinging on to it dramatically.

 

I want to into art but no inspiration, what do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Get high and make what you see

 

Everything I draw or paint is creepy as fuck, how do I fix?

[Pinkie Pie]

Tell your pencil to knock it off and draw properly, the worthless piece of lead...

 

Help! My lamp is speaking to me in Haitian Creole! What should I dooo?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Tell it, in French, to speak Monkieneese.

 

 

Help I'm stuck in a well, with amazing wifi, what do?

[Twilight Sparkle]

Dig deeper, you're obviously about to tap an undiscovered WiFi field!

 

I've got company coming in five minutes and my house is on fire, what do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Make you house out of fire, no you never need to worry about having company

 

Help! There's pie every where!!!

[danielsangeo]

*shows up with a fork and bib* I'll help!

 

I need advice about how to spend my one-day off work tomorrow.

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

By eating all the pies

 

The slenderman has a crush on me, what do?

[Collective Foal]

Collect 7 notes and make a 180 degree rotational turn.

 

I have a cold and feel terrible. What should I do?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Go in fire, you'll warm up.

 

 

So today I was eating Subway for lunch, all of a sudden, this guy came running, with a gun pointing to his head yelling "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY OR I'LL SHOOT!". Everyone just stopped, and stared at him. Just then I received a text, with the soundclip of Heavy going "Run from the sandvich!" with that, the dude just dropped his gun and ran out of the building with all of us going back to our business like nothing happened. When I finished my sub, I drove back home, got on Steam, skyped my friends Heartless and Fatal (who we call Fataru) just now I told them the story, then all of Fatal and Heartless left, what do?

[St. Goliath]

Actually you're schizophrenic. There was no robber. The gun was in your hand all the time and the people stared at you yelling at an imaginary person. Your friends were there too and are afraid of telling you, that's why they left. Go see a doctor and tell your friends that you just forget taking your Haloperidol.

 

I had a cold for weeks and now that I'm almost cured, all the people around me start getting colds. What should I do so it doesn't end up in an infinite loop?

[Obsidian]

Kill them and burn the bodies. When questioned by the authorities, tell them you were preventing a mass spread of disease and were quarantining it before it was too late. If they don't buy it, offer them donuts and invite them to your bonfire made of human manikins.

 

I've been given a scribblenauts notepad. What should I write in it?

[Collective Foal]

Write "Nvidia GTX 680" and then under adjectives, put "Collective Foal's"

 

I need to get to sleep but I can't. Help me out!

[Twilight Sparkle]

Gotcha covered, I'll start pumping Carbon Monoxide into your house ASAP.

 

I've got to write my final paper for history tomorrow and I dun wanna! What do?

[Collective Foal]

Get in a Dolorian and drive 88. If you don't die in the ensuing crash, you'll be in such immense trauma, you'll probably hallucinate and imagine yourself in 1930s Germany. Have Hitler write your paper for you. He was very good at speeches.

 

My heater is pumping out cold air and I'm freezing my ass off. How do I get warm.

[Obsidian]

Pour gasoline on yourself, roll around in some Styrofoam, and light yourself on fire. Once it starts burning, that heat is NOT coming off.

 

There's a giant mummified space lobster fighting a mecha basking shark outside, what do I do? I don't think this problem is going to solve itself...

[St. Goliath]

It will stop after a maximum of eight hours; also the colors will become normal again. If it doesn't, or the colors are still strange after two days, go see a doctor.

 

I'm wasting time on the internet right now, while actually I should be productive, but I'm just too damn lazy. Any ideas?

[Humin]

Use up the internet first.

 

Where did I leave the pickles?

[Obsidian]

At Alyxx's place... trust me, you don't want them or the jar back.

 

How should I feel up a corpse without spreading germs?