Useless Advice

[Psychotic Ninja]

Help! my computer is dead, what do?

[Ikthias]

do mouth to mouth!

[Very7684]

When getting shot at, try to avoid bullets XD

[Jek Jek Roo]

Call a medic. Or a priest

[Luis]

Snap it's transistors. Get a motherboard of the opposite sex and fertilize it with the transistors. After 6-9 months a new computer will be born and you'll be able to play Pinball again.

 

My hair is trapped in a plane engine. What do I do?

[Humin]

*pages flipping*

Do not get your hair stuck in the plane engine. Jave Cohnson, we're done here.

Cave Johnson keeps invading my dreams, whut doo?

[Epsilon]

Persuade Saxton Hale into punching you whenever you're in the REM stage of sleep. Cave Johnson will be petrified with fear, and will leave your dreams to torment another unfortunate individual whose safety is not ensured by a chair-kicking, muscle-encumbered Australian.

 

The wings on my shoes shrank, and now the moths won't eat my kidneys! When I shake my state capitol, it only yields three fairy napkins, but now my banana slippers are like water boats because the moon winks. Given this bewildering issue, how can I ensure that I'll make it to llama school?

[Different]

Persuade Saxton Hale into punching you whenever you're in the REM stage of sleep. Cave Johnson will be petrified with fear, and will leave your dreams to torment another unfortunate individual whose safety is not ensured by a chair-kicking, muscle-encumbered Australian.

 

The wings on my shoes shrank, and now the moths won't eat my kidneys! When I shake my state capitol, it only yields three fairy napkins, but now my banana slippers are like water boats because the moon winks. Given this bewildering issue, how can I ensure that I'll make it to llama school?

How dare you use that one note from Fallout 3? Rwah!

Go consult with the nearest avocado you can find, in case you can not find one you can also look for any nearby pineapples.

Also to solve your banana slippers problem, you should just give the moon the magic finger and yell something vulgar and insulting.

 

 

My tulpa told me that if I don't spend more time with her she will start hurting me. What do?

[St. Goliath]

You should get rid of her ASAP. Create another Tulpa to kill her. If that doesn't work, try a wizard or a shovel or something...

 

My power supply is leaking current, so I put a glas under it to catch the voltage drops. The glas is full by now; How does one propperly dispose of that stuff?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Drink it and get super powers!

 

I have a power urge to kill all fools in the world

[Humin]

And that's a problem?

 

Troll physics has started to work. what should I do to keep people from destroying the planet with Dyson fans?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Use baking soda!

 

 

Help The Joker wants to give me some laughing gas, what do?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Take it and sell it as drugs

 

Help I've literally fallen in to the Internet and can't get out!

[Martin]

Quick! Find a guide!

 

My class got cancelled and now I'm just sitting around and waiting. What do?

[Humin]

Make a fusion reactor for your phone out of tin foil and tissue paper.

 

I appear to have soiled myself in the Black Mesa Research Facility. Does anyone know where I can find so pants?

[Different]

Make a fusion reactor for your phone out of tin foil and tissue paper.

 

I appear to have soiled myself in the Black Mesa Research Facility. Does anyone know where I can find so pants?

 

People still wear those?

Seriously, you'll manage without them just fine.

 

HELP, I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP!

[Epsilon]

Get up, dust yourself off, and refuse to let something as mundane as a fall impede your progress in becoming a football-playing astronaut with a mustache.

 

An army of Gordon Freeman clones is about to square off against Saxton Hale and his army of mantis men. What can I do to prevent the universe from imploding?

[St. Goliath]

Get Bud Spencer to fling his fist into a Chuck Noris round-house-kick. This will create an explosion that neutralizes the implosion.

 

I don't have any problems, what should I do?

[Obsidian]

Go outside, enjoy the sun; it misses you!

 

I have a 1 to 1 ratio of "Holy Craps" per pelvic thrust... what do?

[Luis]

Stop thrusting in thw wrong hole.

 

I've ran out of chocolate. How do I get some more?