Useless Advice

[Epsilon]

Become Saxton Hale and angrily stare at the exam until it produces the answers out of fear.

 

Saxton Hale is about to punch me! How can I ensure my survival?

[Brad]

Have a zombie bite you before you get punched. You'll come back, trust me.

 

How can I boil and egg in 5 seconds?

[Twilight Sparkle]

With a flamethrower.

 

Is it safe to make a flamethrower out of napalm, a lighter, and a super soaker?

[Humin]

Only if each have an apple logo on it.

Where did I likely put my remote?

[Epsilon]

It's likely somewhere in the observable universe. If it's not, try deleting System 32.

 

I have a caffeine addiction which I want to get rid of, but I have a brutal headache. What measures can I take to avoid succumbing to the urge to drink coffee?

[Humin]

Give your coffee to wild animals. Watching them drink it should ween you off your addiction.

 

My lamp only works with incandescent light bulbs but I can't seem to find any anymore. Where would I find one?

[Twilight Sparkle]

In your neighbor's house. Take it while he's asleep.

 

There's this picture I saw once that I can't find again. What's the best method to do so?

[Brad]

Make a new picture based on your memory of the original, hypnotize yourself into believing it's real.

 

I lost my hat, what's a cheap and easy way to make a new one without having to wear my underwear on my head.

[Humin]

Wear your jockstrap on your head.

 

Where can I find system32?

[Epsilon]

You'll likely find it in the observable universe. If not, release Saxton Hale.

 

How can I physically vent my anger without damaging anything?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Buy a Death Note at your local drug dealer and EAT IT! (the drug dealer, not the Death Note)

 

 

Help! I think I ate some Bath Salts, I think I might turn into a zombie, what do?

[Ikthias]

find someone with a tasty looking face

 

if i buy a deathnote from the drug dealer, should i eat bathsalts BEFORE i eat him or after?

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

Befor because if he's dead you can't buy the salts

 

I can't stop playing mine craft

[danielsangeo]

Download "I Wanna Be the Guy".

 

What should I do with a drunken sailor er-ligh in the mornin'?

[Psychotic Ninja]

Give your "drunken sailor er-ligh" some bath salts.

 

 

Help! I mixed some vodka with my mayonnaise and dranked that, now I don't feel so good, what do?

[Ikthias]

WHATEVER YOU DO! do not induce vommiting, god forbid you throw up the alcohol

 

im almost out of beer, can i have some of your vodka?

[Brad]

I don't have any, but I could give you advice on how to make some using a car radiator and some Uranium-238. Better get your lead vest.

 

How do you purify water using a turtle shell?

[Ikthias]

yes, but you need a complicated system of tubes, pulleys and levers

 

i just realized i have the ability to do nothing and be productive, what should i do?

[Brad]

Everything

 

I want to be a Bollywood star, what do I have to do in order to achieve fame?

[Humin]

Use some uranium-235 that you can get at your local supermarket to purify water. Then sell the water and go to bollywood on a coal powered plane made of beryllium.