"Corrupt a Wish"

[Professor Vex]

Granted, they're from a horse.

 

I wish I had moar coffee

[Seattleite]

Granted, but it's all the weird kind made of weasel shit.

 

I wish I had an audience that gave a damn about this meta-game.

[Psychotic Ninja]

Granted, now you have an audience that gave a damn about this meta-game and nothing else, your audience does nothing but care about this game, they stop doing everything, including eating, blinking, breathing, etc. etc. They're all dead.

 

 

I wish I could read people's thoughts, whenever I wanted, I could turn this power on and off whenever, and I could concentrate on one person at a time, or a group of people at a time, there was no negative effects on me or them, I understood what it was they were thinking no matter what language they were thinking in, and they had no clue I was reading their mind.

[Professor Vex]

Granted, but you can't remember anything after you stop mind-reading.

 

I wish Billy Mays would show me how to get out these stubborn stains!

[Psychotic Ninja]

Granted, Billy Mays comes back as a zombie, and shows you how to get rid of your stubborn stains by biting them off, taking some skin with him.

 

 

I wish my internet was back to normal.

[Professor Vex]

Granted, but your computer now has malware that slows it down so much you cant tell.

 

I wish Skyrim had more stuff to do.

[ThePest179]

Granted, it's waliking around in circles until you get hit with an arrow in an area below the waist, above the ankles.

 

I wish I had more time to do anything I wanted.

[Seattleite]

Granted, but only because you never have anything to do with it.

 

I wish I had a good forge to make weapons with.

[Professor Vex]

Granted, but you are crippled with unyielding apathy whenever you approach it.

 

I wish I had some meat for a better stew.

[Seattleite]

Granted, but it's all human. And it's still alive.

 

I wish I had a toddler to hug instead of a cat. (No fur, less sweat.)

[Professor Vex]

Granted, but the police are going to have a few questions on where it came from. I don't think "a guy from the internet granted my wish" is going to cut it.

 

I wish it would start raining again.

[Seattleite]

(I have a penis. It's been in vaginas before. I'm pretty sure that situation can be resolved with an explanation involving those things.)

 

Granted, but it's raining blood. From a lacerated sky, bleeding its horror.

 

I wish I had an endless supply of cold, hydrating drinks.

[Professor Vex]

Granted, but you have to share them with me.

 

I wish the sun sun had an off switch.

[Seattleite]

(How is that a downside? The supply is endless, yea? I wouldn't mind sharing them with you, and in fact the whole world.)

 

Granted, but it's in the hands of vampires.

 

I wish I had an empty house so I could go around naked and not sweat myself to death anymore.

[Professor Vex]

Granted, it's a glass house.

 

I wish you weren't hot.

[Seattleite]

Granted. But your heat increases to compensate.

 

I wish you didn't think I was hot.

[Professor Vex]

No need for the wish, get a beard, and we'll talk.

 

I wish to be taken into a world of the magical, mystical, supernatural, and the fantastical!

[Seattleite]

(I have a beard. Do we still have to talk?)

 

Granted, but it's one of the dark and grizzly ones.

 

I wish MLP never got popular, so I didn't have to hear about it from its fans OR its detractors. (It's a fucking KIDS SHOW, why do people get so worked up over it?)

[Professor Vex]

(I dunno, I like it, but I try not to enter the wars.)

 

Granted, but barney the dinosaur god big in it's place.

 

I wish people could just agree to disagree, and that we could all step back, and realize we all share so much.

(Sorry, it's like a hundred degrees, and I have a fever. At times like this I get philosophical.)

[Seattleite]

Granted, but in so doing we lose all the progress that comes from those conflicts.

 

I wish we had real, functional civilian robots that couldn't kill anyone and could convincingly look like humans and play the part just enough to fill the roles required of them. (Have fun corrupting THAT.)